I think I might be depressed, but I haven't seen our family therapist yet to confirm. I feel sad a lot of days, hopeless, and very much suicidal (even though I'm not going to do anything to myself for now), but I still do things.

More importantly, I still enjoy doing things. I like my hobbies like cooking, writing, reading, and listening to music. I will have fun and enjoy myself when I go out to places with my family to a degree. But after the enjoyment wears off, I find myself still feeling awful.

So now it's like I'm just doing things that I like, buying things like books or band shirts or cooking stuff or writing short stories all to get a temporary happiness and motivation fix. But then it doesn't stick and that's what frustrates me. I'm also not suffering in my work for school. I've been maintaining decent grades for both my current classes, and I already have some awesome classes in store for future semesters to get my BA in writing. I want to get stuff done. That's the part that confuses me, and I can get it done, but when it's all over, I feel just as terrible as I did before.

I am motivated, which, any definition of depression will tell you that's conspicuously absent. I am getting stuff done. So why do I feel so terrible about myself?

I think you need go to behavior center in your city to talk to a counseling to clear your mind.

Luanne

When we are not moving towards an enticing destination, we experience pain.

A counselor could help.

Also if you feel like it please reach out.
There are helplines, this one is with transgender staff:
www.translifeline.com

Well usually you cannot numb just one feeling, and have the whole spectrum of feelings.
So if for whatever reason emotions are diminished usually all emotions get diminished.

Did something happen to you lately ?
Do you have a feeling you want to go in another direction ?

Are there some inherent feelings of shame or guillt still ?
There are findings being transgender is biological, to do with development before birth ...
so its nobodys fault, and there is no reason for shame or whatever ...

As said a counselor could help ... a good gender therapist ...
you might ask at a lgbt center or plannedparenthood for a referral ...
and there might be support groups ...

one remedy against depression is said to start something new ...
would you like to do something new, to bring in some fresh air and maybe a few new contacts ?
Like maybe community courses ...
Or do you feel you would like to make some basic changes ?


*hugs*

I wrote a big piece on thread but the entry disappeared when I posted.
I am reading a book on it. Was severely depressed years ago was on meds a few months due reactive depression due to a circumstance. Something happens in your life, goes wrong, job, health etc.
Other types are organic could be medically related like low blood sugar, thyroid etc. Short of meds try to correct the problem. Identify it and try to take steps in changing it. For me talking about my problems did nothing. I know what they are and just going over it did nothing. Ultimately you have to do what it takes. I am still depressed most the time but functional as well. Think of what you like to do and stay focused.

Quote from: Karen6-10inheels on March 31, 2016, 10:12:42 PM
For me talking about my problems did nothing. I know what they are and just going over it did nothing. Ultimately you have to do what it takes. I am still depressed most the time but functional as well. Think of what you like to do and stay focused.

You could think abou what you would like to do instead ... and make some steps in that direction ...
and reducing overall stress levels ...

keep going ...


*hugs*

I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder..my body doesn't produce serotonin. If you have suicidal thoughts you DO have depression. I highly recommend getting on an antidepressant..they take a few weeks to start working but when they do..it's like someone opened the curtains and let the sun shine in. Otherwise try St John's Wort and 5HTP. If you Google homeopathic treatments for depression you'll find some effective stuff. I don't want to tell you the dosages myself.

I know what you're going through and there is help!

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