This thread is basically going to be about feelings towards sex. This will also probably be mostly geared toward those who are either pre op or haven't been able to get a vaginoplasty done for whatever reason. Though those women who have had SRS may remember this feeling.
Anyway, when it comes to sex, my feelings have been that it is dirty and "not right" for quite some time. I especially remember being in my teen years and thinking that if thats considered mature and it's something adults do, then something must be way off.
Something is way off alright, and that is the body I was born into. I still have an intact penis though I have had a bilateral orchiectomy done about 3 years ago by now.
In my best description, the penis completely contrasts everything about the person that I really am. I do masturbate and when I do, that usually ends with me thinking I did something dirty, but the small burst of pleasure that is supposed to be natural is my reason for doing it. I get stress relief.
I guess the main question I am trying pose here is if anyone else can relate to this. I have this image of myself after the SRS procedure of being someone who is healed of these feelings.
The best way to put it is that my genitalia completely contrasts the person that I really am, and I have had to live in such a manner for many years that completely contrasted all of my feelings in relation to my gender identity as a female. I feel like that explains the notions that I have stated earlier in regards to the "dirty" and "wrong" impressions I get.
So, can anyone else understand?

You're not the only one to feel that way, but I don't think it's trans exclusive. Human society has been obsessed and/or disgusted with sex for millennia. Feelings of guilt, shame, disgust etc about sex can be just as much about social conditioning as anything else. After all it is merely a biological function, and yet you'd think it was the worst sin imaginable the way some people carry on.

I understand, and can relate. Ever since puberty functions that were apparently natural to others brought me shame and sorrow, while the physical urges inherent to the male body made it practically impossible to refrain from and avoid them. I often contemplated ways to get rid of the parts that offended me. It was also hard not to be able to talk with anyone, because I thought that what I felt could not be normal and talking with someone would give birth to more trouble than help or relief.

Yes I very much felt that way, thankfully SRS has cured that for me. Sexual interaction, or orgasms no longer cause tears and depression.

I can only think this is the extreme end of genital dysphoria as I notice a lot of trans girls do not have these issues at all.

I would say uncommon but your not the only one.

Dear Cosmic,
You are not alone. The doctor asked if I wanted to function sexually when considering levels of HRT. I said no. I hope to function again at some point, but only if I have female "parts." Functioning with the wrong parts for years caused me great pain. I would be feeling very feminine, very good about  myself and "after" my emotions would violently slam me to a very shameful, ugly place. Once in a while I could manage to sexually pretend enough to make it okay, but rarely. The last time I used "it" for sexual purposes I cried for three hours after. I guess I am lucky in the sense of there being no debate as to whether or not I need surgery. We are what we are. You are not weird or anything. Some of us are just this way. I hope I am not fooling myself but I really think things will be better when body matches brain.
Moni

I like sex a lot, up until the point my genitals are involved. I only date top men who have no interest in playing with my male parts; as long as sex means I'm being penetrated, I love it. Also love to feel someones physical proximity, connecting, kissing, hugging, looking each other deeply in the eyes, etc. Wouldn't want to miss out on that just because of my gender dysphoria. I also like to be with very masculine men. Their presence and the contrast with me gives me a sense of affirmation og my female identity that can make me very happy. Being a tantric practitioner I identify with the Goddess (my Yidam) and am even more capable of doing so while having sex.

I'm not on HRT yet and do need release, but only bring myself to fruition when I'm not having sex with others. Sometimes guys try to play with my genitals, which doesn't excite me at all and makes me feel depressed. It did happen that I let them because having sex is "give and take", but it doesn't give me any joy.

I find al lot of sexual gratification and another kind of non ejaculatory orgasm, when I'm penetrated and my prostate is stimulated.

Thinking about how my nerve ends will be re used in a vaginoplasty, I don't want to lose touch with them, so I just try to experience it as a clitoris, which is what it will be.

Besides, as Miss Grace stated, all the societal baggage, perhaps there is some remnants of CD guilt? You know, that I got all dressed up, Had to masturbate and almost immediate WTF