helllooos everyone,
I have no confirmation yet, but I have a prescription from my doctor for a test that she said will show if I have a gene that's doubled, not a caryotype per se, but...

Anyways we'll see. I suspect I'm mosaic XXY.

But reading this section of the board already makes me feel like I found home.

Maybe I'm not XXY, maybe CAH which I had never heard of... maybe it's more complicated than that.

I don't know what the tests will show but I for one know for sure that there was something particular (I first typed wrong) with my body from the start. That wasn't a normal life. Why? I tried, but... There has to be a reason why. I think I'm getting close to find out. I can see myself in the fog.

Spent my whole life trying to understand...

Just getting a proof, a clear indication that it was physical, genetic, hormonal, biochemical would illuminate my life.

I need to know.

getting there

we should be home by morning

Whatever the test show, you have found home. It's not really important how you got here but it is important to make your life what you want it to be. When I transitioned about 35 years ago, much of this wasn't understood. As I was just transsexual, no medical explanation existed and I had emotions that I couldn't explain. In the end, I just had to stop worrying about why I was the way I was and find a way to be comfortable with myself. It's only in the last year that I learned the cause of my feelings and receive a medical confirmation that my path in life was correct. The confirmation is a little late because I knew I made the right decision as soon as I woke up from surgery.

We all want medical validation. For some reason it would help it all make sense. I hope that whatever the outcome, you find some peace in the results. Dena and I transitioned in the same decade when none of this was even considered. We were just weirdos to most people.