Why am I a disgrace for being a failed transition?

Blossom, I honestly don't know what you have and haven't tried yet. Transition's, at least from my personal experience, take a lot of effort, time, and and money to be able to succeed. Those things can only take you so far which is why therapy is also an important because they can help you work through and get past many of the hangups that can cause a transition to fail. Hugs
Mariah

I wonder why you are so quick to write yourself off. If you think everyone who transitions does it "perfectly" or "right" the first time you are sadly mistaken. It takes effort, courage and perseverance ... often in the face of great resistance and ridicule from the world around them.

You and I have had discussions about some of the reasons you might not pass, you acknowledged what those reasons might be and then I see you back on the forum asking the same questions again. My advice? You over think every minute detail. Stop thinking in terms of "I can't" or "I'm a failure". Listen to the awesome advice being given to you on the forum by the people here trying to help you and try putting it into practice.

If at first you don't succeed try, try again.

What fail?

Are you actually acknowledging in a real and substantial way that you are trans?
Are you actually or have, tried doing something about being trans? Beyond denial
The list can go on and on.

To me "Transition" is simply "To Change". I've made many changes in my life these past 7 years. My life and my mental/emotional health has greatly improved.

I still primarily live and present as male

Have I failed? - I think not.

I kind of sort of mostly struck a balance. A balance that works today since my dysphoria is not so overwhelming that I am a full fledged member of the "Transition or Die" club. If the scales stayed tilted to that direction I most assuredly will transition. At least with a full social transition no matter what a big ugly hulk I am, I still get a do over and brought me some time and likely provided a bit more incentive to work out or come up with ideas on how to re-balance my self(es)

Well, from your extensive posts about the most basic elements of transition, it doesn't seem like you have done very much research on the Internet or in the outside world. You said in another post that you were on HRT for five or so years; and yet you don't even know if the city you live in is accepting of trans people, and since you live in San Francisco, that really make me wonder about you. Sorry to be so blunt, and I don't want to upset you, but there is no way to sugarcoat the obvious; if you want to successfully transition you are going to have to put some effort into it. 🐾😊

As someone who has not been out for very long, I'd say that as a person you never stop changing. You never know what's going to happen to you down the road.

If there is one thing I've learnt from these last few months, being a woman is a whole lot more about what's inside than out. You could be 'ugly' and still charm the underwear off the queen herself.

My short and simple advice would to valid your own existence before you seek the validation from others. Yes there are pluses to being 'unclockable' personally, this may be a weird way to look at it, but if I see someone who I 'clock' as being a sister of mine. I'm proud beyond words that they were strong enough to go for it and say 'Hey, something wasn't right, but it's getting better/got better'

If it makes you feel any better, I can't wear eyeliner, my eyes twitch to much xD

Mariah, you're always so nice.

Ms. Grace, always the warm motherly advice.

JoanneB, always philosophical in reply

kittenpower, ouch, again I say ouch

soyun, the newbie, trying her best to help me out.

kittenpower, what do you wonder about me?

I'd agree with Kitten. When's the last time you sat down with a therapist and attempted to work through your issues? You seem like you have a lot going on; talk to a professional about it. And as I stated before, put some effort into your appearance. 😊

 It seems what you lack is confidence. I was full time several months before starting HRT, did I pass then do I pass now?(see avatar pic)  Not sure, but I am still going  to do this and get on with my life however I end up looking.

Are you failing to plan or planning to fail? I've seen many trans people successfully transition over the years and many do not necessarily turn out 'beautiful' yet they are happy with their results. 'Beauty' is very subjective and isn't everything as any random sample from genetic females would prove.

Failed? Judging from your posts you have not transitioned so I am confused about how you think you failed?

You know, transitioning takes a bit of a backbone and some thick skin. It is a lot more than finding heels that don't hurt, nylons in your size, and being able to shop for womens clothing. You have not even been out presenting female according to one of your posts.  I would really suggest you be very sure this is the track you want to be on, that you are a woman and want to put yourself through transition because you have not even started to deal with the real issues yet. Do you think you are going to be able to?

treeLB, that was some awfully tough love. but, I know it was still love. kudos to you.

Mallory, you're here! I'm so happy.

hi blossom! i am a trans girl that is just starting and i have seen a lot of your posts. actually i have felt a lot of your posts. this is stuff i think about all of the time and it worries me. i guess people aren't open, but don't feel like you're alone, because i'm scared and anxious too.

the best thing i can tell you is that there isn't really any such thing as a 'failed transition' if you are happy with who you are on the inside.

step back a minute and think about what you don't like about your appearance. it's because you were on testosterone for years. the same effect would have happened if you were born a woman and had taken T pills for years. exposure to testosterone or estrogen can change the shapes of our bodies, but it doesn't change who we are on the inside. your body isn't stopping you from being a woman if that's who you are.

Such empathy Kiteless, thank you! That was uplifting.

well, I'm feeling down in the dumps again.