I finally saw a gender therapist this week and after an hour or so of talking, they are pretty solid I'm not crazy and actually trans (unlike what my CBT therapists and GP would want my to believe) so I definitely feel a lot better about my situation

this weekend, I was away at a comic book convention in birmingham, and because I was away from home, I got to finally bust out my girl clothes for the evening ballroom events and within seconds of being in them... dysphoria, anxiety, depression... all gone. I felt almost cured while I was wearing it, and I'd forgotten how that feels.

I've decided to take a trans friends advice and try to talk to my mother again in a new way. Im basically going to put it to her, just how uncomfortable and sad I feel being unable to express my gender in my own home and what it does to me, and how I actually need it and for her to be supportive. I dont find pushing it into a corner and hiding my gender issues is helping, and I feel if she really wants me to be happy, shes just going to have to come to terms with it and let me be me, in some form or another.

Good for you!  Hiding never worked for me either but merely prolonged the shame and guilt.  I trust you will have a plan B ready if mum is not as ready to accept you being yourself?

You clearly demonstrated what feels good to you and is part of the "cure."

well my plan after that is very simple: I finish up with uni, begin saving up to buy a small house in the area and move in ASAP so I can wear what I want when I want might take some months but perhaps in that time she will cme around

In the meanwhile you are still the you in charge that can decide what your precious mind might be exposed to and filled with.  Good to hear you are continuing your formal education, smart girl!

Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 04, 2016, 02:45:37 PM
...I'm basically going to put it to her, just how uncomfortable and sad I feel being unable to express my gender in my own home and what it does to me, and how I actually need it and for her to be supportive. I dont find pushing it into a corner and hiding my gender issues is helping, and I feel if she really wants me to be happy, shes just going to have to come to terms with it and let me be me, in some form or another.

Wow. You nailed what was on my mind - on the head! Those are the words I was looking for. Thanks for sharing them.

<3
Jess

Jay,
You aren't crazy and you deserve happiness. Don't let anyone make you believe otherwise. If you think about it, if you can bring your Mom around to see the real you, you are helping her become a better person. Good luck with her and finding "you."
Moni