So i got my haircut (isn't the first time) and there isn't a problem with that actually i really like it and have more confidence and i would do it again the same way. However this one cut makes me look very masculine
from what my friends have said my problem is i'm having dysphoria because i don't feel like masculinity bring brought out in my face match the body i have. Iv'e never really felt this before in this way...you know like really liking and feeling happy with what i have and everything i did but seeing below my face and thinking "Error" It's never been that profound of dysphoira...and i'm not sure what to think/do about it.
and i didn't know how to ask this question or put it into words because i want to continue this feeling, but here i am going why is this happening now that i feel comfortable more then ever in my skin? why now! maybe it's has anyone had this problem?  (Yet here i am with all these big signs to T and i still fear it)

I'd say try to relax.

There are studies saying being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth.

So its literally a mans brain in a womans body and vice versa.

Imo it starts with the eyes ... they should be those of a boy ...
continues with the head ... as you have it now ...

and gradualy the rest of the body will move in the direction you like.

Its a step by step process. just be aware its going in the right direction and takes some time.
I'd say value what you have ... you can look at the eyes through a mirror for reassurance ...

and you will reach your goals in time .


*hugs*

I have no end of trouble on this point with the MTF because often they have very feminine faces but they still see their male face. It took me close to two years before I saw a female face in the mirror. We are the last one to see ourself in the new gender so we must rely on the word of others when judging our appearance. I know dysphoria isn't logical and is difficult to deal with but you need as much external reenforcement as you can get and you need to look in the mirror a little less. In time you will see what others see.

Quote from: Dena on April 06, 2016, 04:44:36 PM
I have no end of trouble on this point with the MTF because often they have very feminine faces but they still see their male face. It took me close to two years before I saw a female face in the mirror. We are the last one to see ourself in the new gender so we must rely on the word of others when judging our appearance. I know dysphoria isn't logical and is difficult to deal with but you need as much external reenforcement as you can get and you need to look in the mirror a little less. In time you will see what others see.

I think this is a very good point. There are two kinds of dysphoria. One is, maybe follow Julia Serano's terminology and call it "subconscious". That is the notion, for example, as trans people that we have the wrong body parts. (Trans is not the only psychiatric condition where this can occur, and ultimately, the reason for the condition is in the brain.)

The second kind of dysphoria is the kind that's driven by social factors. Beauty images, gender policing, fear of getting negative comments or being misgendered. This is more of a delusion where the person suffering this condition believes that their body looks completely different from how it looks from a neutral standpoint. This sort of body dysphoria can be a driving factor in anorexia, for example.

As trans people we are under an extreme amount of societal pressure. Many of us eventually end up suffering from both kinds of dysphoria (others experience neither). Just because one is neurological and the other is psychological does not mean that the pain is not real.

To the OP, if you are already doing everything you can do to change your body, you may want to consider (talk) therapy or maybe relaxation or meditation techniques to try to cope in the meantime.

Also, I've been reading posts by other transmen and it's not uncommon for someone to make one aspect of their appearance more masculine (for example: top surgery) and then suddenly be concerned about another body part. If your face and hair were stressing you a lot, they were your emotional top priority, and now that you're feeling good about them now your worries about your chest can pop into your conscious mind.

I think I understand what you're saying.

When I was a teenager I hung out with gutterpunks and drug dealers and rainbow family and anarchists and other people who got shut out from their born communities.

I didn't always tell everybody that I was a girl. I wasn't trying to be dishonest and I didn't feel like I was taking advantage of anyone, but there were times when I looked good and I felt good and everybody liked me (and some people loved me) but my breasts were <Not Permitted> me all up. That dysphoria hit especially hard when they first started forming. I was so ashamed. Sometimes I feel like the best years of my life were wasted because my breasts poisoned them. I never did get over it.

People who know me now don't understand how much chest dysphoria hurt me or why I went the anti-cancer treatment route instead of just waiting a few years for the trans healthcare that was obviously in the pipeline. I really was happy with my body except I was disgusted by that one part. I love my hips and my soft skin and my stupid hands and I'm good at being who I want to be in social situations, but my chest made me feel worthless. I felt so so so much better after I got my breast tissue removed. I know it doesn't look as natural as it would if I'd done it differently, but I don't care how it looks because I desperately needed for it to feel right.

Apart from any of that, I want to point out that it's common for transguys to be succeeding better than they expected and still feel wrong. Even if you like yourself you know your body should have been different.

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