So I have been SUPER depressed and bitter for the past couple weeks thanks to my class assignments dealing with gender, race, privilege, and mental health, the responses that we have to do have been really draining both emotionally and psychologically.

So my older brother has come by for a visit while my parents went on a short business trip. He spent the night last night and this morning we went out to Northampton which is like a cool little artist haven in Western Mass. We stopped for some excellent tea at this shop called Dhobra Tea, my brother got some Yerba Mate with maple syrup while I got vanilla black tea (I'm not supposed to have black tea on account of it creates a breeding ground for stones in my kidneys, but I don't get a lot of cheat days, so I had myself ONE decadence). His tea was very sweet and smokey when I was offered a sip. I LOVED my vanilla black tea. I ended up drinking four cups worth of the stuff lol AND I had some cinnamon sugar pita bread, so by the time we went and looked around our favorite store, Faces (a cute little gift shop full of stuff like novelties, shirts, tea stuff, incense stuff, candles, there was 90s music playing through the speakers, it's so hipster trash and we love the place to death XD), that I started to feel like jittery and nervous. I thought I was having a panic attack at first, but then I remembered all the caffeine and sugar I ingested minutes ago and I was like, "Oh yeah, THAT'S why 0.o"

I was still feeling freaked out and the fact that I was surrounded by colorful novelty items and music I hadn't heard since elementary school made me feel overstimulated, so I asked Brandon if we could go home (heck, I'm still coming down from that caffeine high even now lol TWO hours later!). We bought some stuff, Brandon got some games for one of his friend's kids, and he bought me a sweet skeleton shirt that I already love

On the drive back home we ended up bonding over Static-X and we listened to Wayne Static's solo album Pighammer which was epic. OH! But the BEST part of the day!

So before we got tea I ran into, of all people, one of my professors and adviser for this semester, Mitch. He said hi and I introduced him to my brother, and they got along which was great. So Brandon and I sit down to tea at the shop, and I told Brandon, "You wanna know something crazy about Mitch?"
"What?"
"He's trans..."
and I saw his eyes widen and he's "Nooo... Holy ->-bleeped-<- lol"
and I was like, "Right?! You would never know!" And it was true. Mitch passes extremely well (I know passing shouldn't be an end all be all, it's just that Mitch has one of those seamless transitions that I really want). So we got to talking. Brandon knows all about my want to transition, and he's all for it and he asked me how I felt about it, how strongly I want it, and I told him everything. How I want hormones, how I've never been more sure of anything in my life and how I really like myself for the first time in forever. He understood everything I was saying, he was supportive, which was excellent. Nothing felt awkward at all.

I told him my worries with our older sister about how she is sort of holding out on support at least until I get some therapy, but Brandon just told me, "It's not about her wants. It's about what YOU want." and I think I needed to hear that.

So we had a great talk, listened to some epic music, and later we're going out to have some dinner with my mom and stepdad who just came home about an hour ago. This aren't moving along as fast as I would like them to, since I've been feeling snippy and upset and angry at everyone including myself, and maybe it's the caffeine that refuses to leave my system fast snough, but I had a great day and I feel like things are looking up right now

I'm super glad I have a supportive family with this. I really needed a day like today. It felt really good. ^_^