I am posting this to show how this discussion can lead to better understandings from those who do not understand.  Religious and non religious do not understand.. how could they.  Being transgender is something you have to be to understand it and even then we are like WTF...

So this is a positive post and shows our conversation.. It was open and honest.. I got a little defensive but well I was defending myself right? 

In reality I was a little too defensive.. just let my fingers go on the keyboard...

So, first post is her response to my story and lunch.
Second post is my response to her email
Third is her response back to me.

After the last response you read I emailed her back and let he know that her email gave me hope that she would understand more and that I am an open book.. You change one mind at a time sometimes.. but that changes the world a little doesn't it...


Its an interesting read.
Keri

Her email to me:
Hi there - sorry things have been CRAZY!
I'm glad you are home safe and sound from Thailand and hope that all went well.
Hopefully you are extremely happy with the "new you".

I've checked out your facebook page trying to help all of this
sink-in.  I'm having a difficult time soaking it all in and
understanding things. I don't understand how a person of Christian
faith can believe that God made a mistake and in my mind, that's what
you believe.  I'm not trying to be negative, or judge you, just trying
to understand for my own piece of mind.  I asked you in an earlier
e-mail (before Thailand) if you were still active in church and how
they are handling the change and I don't believe you replied.  So, are
you attending a church?  Now, I haven't walked in your shoes, so I
don't have any idea what you've been through your entire life or the
struggles you've had, etc.  I also "think" I told you that its not up
to me to judge, that it is between you and God - and I still totally believe that.  I have so many questions, but I'm really scared to ask them, probably just because I'm not ready.  Afterall, I've only had about 2 months to let this mess with my mind (LOL - I know, I know - not much there to mess with).  This is something that you only see on tv, not actually, personally know someone who went thru it.
I've been praying for guidance and answers about all of this and thus
far, I have no clear answers.

I know that you have a private page or something with more details,
but I didn't ask to be Included because I wasn't sure I wanted to be -
and honestly I'm still not sure, but maybe It would help me understand things better . . . . .

So, with all this being said - I don't believe I'm ready to see you
yet.  I'm more than happy To have e-mail conversations - but just not
face to face yet.  Please don't think I'm being Hateful, ugly, bitchy, judgmental, etc. - it's just me trying to understand.

Me back to her:
Its ok.
God does not make mistakes.. he made me who I am..  and for what reason?
Well only God knows.. maybe to help others show compassion for the meek or the ones who are different that love God.

i have had total acceptance from everyone but a select few Christians that I thought were my friends or that loved me.
They use that excuse that God does not make mistakes..
I don't think they understand how much that can hurt someones soul.
I did pray to God to heal me.. I begged him to help me..  I attended Assembly of God Church for years..

When people say God does not make mistakes I wonder why a kid would be born with severe birth defects.

But this is the biggest question you need to ask yourself.. some of us were born with two sets of genitalia.  Or with other major clues that I have a feminine brain that can be seen visually like me. Others have no clues except from an image of the brain.

So what do we do with those born that way.. if God did not make them who made them.  Are they male or female with both genitalia.
That is a question the church can not answer.

As far as a choice, I have been this way since birth, I never felt any different.. I fought hard.  I gave up the most wonderful marriage anyone could have instead of dying.
I raised two kids, put them through college, love them and they love me more than ever now.

Yes God has a purpose in my life and God is showing that purpose right now for me.. to help others have compassion.. the same compassion I was born with.. that God gave me to love others so much.

The pain I endured all these years and the last two years is beyond what you could understand.
If I were to believe that God does not make mistakes as you may think or others that pass these terrible laws that cause the younger generation to commit suicide out of guilt and anguish then I may as well go ahead and pull the trigger now.. because that is what I almost did.. many many times.

I would have to think of myself as a freak.. a sideshow.. a mutilated human.

As far as church goes.. when I was thirty I went for a year of conversion therapy out of desperation.. I sought out God in the most intimate way you could imagine.. as if I was a dying person.. I tried so hard.  It did not work so I pretended it did out of shame and so that my kids would have their Daddy in their lives.
For 25 more years I suffered greatly every day.

When I decided I was ready to die.. could not live anymore I did turn to my pastor, I sought help as a last resort to death.
I received nothing in return from him because no one has an answer as to why.. why does this happen.

So, no I do not expect you to ever understand how this happened or why..
its your choice alone and its really non of my business what you believe.

Some question why i even got married.. well we did not have the term transgender back then.. did not know why I was this way so I rode life as I was expected and I am very very proud of what I have done for my family who loves me more now than ever and the differences I am making in others lives.

So, should I not hear back from you that is fine.
I am loved and respected by so many others in my life now than before that my cup is full and I am so very happy to not think about my gender anymore.. I am in heaven on Earth just feeling normal.

Her response to me...

WOW - it brings tears to me thinking of how miserable you were.  I'm so sorry!
I can't imagine, much less understand.
Of course you'll hear from me again.....

I respect the fact that you finally did what was right for you and that you did what
Was right for your family all along.  Again, I can't imagine the courage it took.

Now you need to understand the struggle I'm going thru.  You've dealt with this
For 50+ years, I've only had 2 months.  Give me time - lets talk via e-mail and see
If it ever soaks into my "thick" head.  I do NOT hate you or have any bad wishes
For you or your family - absolutely the opposite, so don't think that.  Besides,
Your probably prettier than me and that's not fair (LOL)!  And I know your skinnier
Than me - I'm still fat and sassy.

You did good..from the heart, you gave her truth.  And she wrote back, a very good sign. 

In time, let her see your joy at just being you.  She needs that as well.  She will never know the pain.  But she can know the necessity when she knows the full you.

Hugs,

Jen

Here is a follow up to her.. just to give her more info.

Hey,
Back at my computer.. sorry I got so defensive..
I don't know if in my story I originally sent you this but thought it would be of some value.

When Sandi decided to divorce me after 32 years I did not get an attorney.. I went to her attorney and told her to give Sandi everything.. that she deserves it and certainly does not deserve what is happening in our marriage.
We both drove to court together.. She was crying for several reasons.. For herself and her losses and she also felt she was hurting me by divorcing me..
So I kept things positive.. telling her I love her an that this is what she wants and for her I would do anything.

I pretty much bankrupted myself during this process but things just don't matter to me anymore. I used to buy planes, cars and big boats to try to make myself happy and all it did was make stress worse.

Sandi and I work together in this business and I am teaching her everything, empowering her to feel safe and secure.. I will be there to the day I die for her and she for me.

We got into an argument the other day on who is more awesome... Its probably the first argument I ever won with her because in the end... I told her how truly amazing she is.

That is nothing new for me though.. all my life I told her how special she is.. She is one in a billion..  The most kind, caring and giving person I know.

When I met her, she was a mess.. she was just 19 and I was 23 summer before my last year in college.  Her parents were Assembly of God members and her dad molested her as a young child causing a divorce.
Her mother at the time I met Sandi had early onset dementia and died 10 years later at an early age.

Sandi hated men, she was beautiful and used them for what she could get.... Then we met.

I was not like other men..  and brings me to this point.

Not long before I met Sandi.. within a week I had my bible out reading and prayed to God saying.. I wish I could meet someone someday.. I feel that may never happen..
I told my Mom that...  and she laughed it off.

A week later some guys made me go to a pool to "Look for Chicks".
Sandi found me and we were married three months later.

We feel God put us together for a reason.. she needed someone who would love her unconditionally and I needed the same thing.
We went to church and raised our kids in church.. they are both wonderful followers of Christ today.

I lost my mom and dad early in life.. when I was about 30.. so we had no one.. it was us against the world.. and we fought together.

I so loved raising kids.. in fact.. I remember telling customers you just don't know how much God loves you until you love a child more than yourself.

So here we are today.. I truly wish I could be an example of someone who God cured of gender issues but I am not.. I am an example of someone who tried so hard and in the end just could not go on.


I am planing on doing motivational speaking and also helping parents and kids get through this.

No one is more strict than I am with the medical guidelines for this condition.. its very strict and should be. To be diagnosed you have to have a lot of therapy and follow the rules and they are there to protect people from making a mistake.

One of my friends from High School has a boyfriend I went to school with and was totally disgusted with this.. saying some pretty rude and hateful things behind my back.. Now he loves me. I have softened his heart.. and he needs God in his life.

My wrestling coach from High School says he has never been prouder of anyone than me.. saying he saw what I went through to win a state title my senior year of wrestling and destroyed my knee doing it.. I took a whole team to the championship and we won the tournament as a team that year.. last year that has happened at Putnam City.. I was a Pirate.

He and I are good friends now.. this brought us together at this point in each others lives.

So just information I thought you would like.. I feel so blessed to have gone through what I have.. It makes me feel so alive now and I so love life everyday..

Keri

All I can say is beautifully written.

Keri, you are an inspiration

Well done.