Well after a lot of back and forth and this was happening in my dome, I've decided to go back to therapy and start my transition. I've been in a semi denial over things that I can't control for 3 years and I'm ending that now. Found that there are a surprisingly large number of therapists in my area so this should be easy. They also take my insurance which is even easier. I've decided I want to keep my sanity and I'm finally taking action for me because I need it and I can't be afraid to act any longer.