Hi everybody.  My name is Becky.  I'm from Long Island, New York.  I've been reading people's posts on this site for some time now and I have decided that it's time to stop hiding and introduce myself (I'm basically a shy person).  I identify as MTF or possibly gender fluid.  I am in my 60's and I have a wonderful wife who I've been married to for almost 33 years who I love dearly.  I also have three grown children. 

On several occasions I tried to deal with my transgender feelings, including about 20 years ago when I talked to my wife and a therapist but that effort collapsed because of my fear of losing my wife and my fear of opening up to people about something that I was very uncomfortable and ashamed of, so I retreated and suppressed my feelings.  Unfortunately, this led to my feeling depressed (something that I have struggled with my whole life) and my frequently finding fault with the things that my wife and children did.

Then last year, perhaps partly as a result of all of the media coverage of transgendered people, I told my wife that my feeling of wanting to be a woman had resurfaced.  Needless to say, this wasn't something that she wanted to hear.  Since that time we have found a therapist who has worked with transgendered persons and taken some through transition.  It is turning into a much more difficult process than I had expected, mostly because of the conflict between my need to express myself and my wife's doubts on what she can accept.  I don't know where this will all end up but we both want to work it out and stay together in a way that we can both be happy.

Obviously there is more to my strory than this but it gives you some idea of who I am and what I am dealing with.  I hope that I can contribute here as well as learn from other people's experiences.

Becky

Welcome!

I'm in a similar situation and age, still trying to slowly find my way.  I'm glad I found this site.  There are some incredibly supportive people posting here, and I've gotten some good ideas on how to handle my issues and communicate better with my wife on this subject.

We're also trying to figure out what will work for us, and what won't.  We've got an appointment with my therapist next week that should help. 

Hi Becky and welcome to Laura's. I came out at age fifty-six. I took my wife a few years to accept me as Genevieve. We will have been married 36 years next month. It's been quite a trip. 

You girls are very fortunate. My wife is not accepting of the idea so I don't even dare to mention it.

Welcome to Susan's Place. I hope that you and your wife can find a way to stay together but I suspect if you do, it will be long and difficult reaching that point. If you haven't already done so, it might help if your wife has an appointment with your therapist. Often a SO will discuss issue that they are not comfortable discussing with their spouse. We have a SO section on the site that your spouse may wish to join and if there is anything I can help you with, let me know.

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Hi Becky 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome, Becky,

You've found a good site here. Not only is there a section for Significant Others, but as you see, you're in the company of many others dealing with wifely issues.

Authenticity is the only path. An inauthentic path leads to trouble, so you're doing well.

-- Sue

Hi Becky,

I am in my early 50s and only came to my realization about a year ago. I have a wife of 25 years. She is trying to be supportive but not sure how far she can go. So, yeah. I am familiar.

If you need to ask questions, feel free.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hi Becky and others,

Well it looks as tho I'm not the only one late to the party.  I just turned 61 in March and my wife and I celebrated our 31 anniversary not long ago.

I just recently started really taking a look at how I have been feeling and can't go on acting as I'm not being drawn in the direction of a CD/TS person to some degree. 

Also as I wrote earlier I have been married for 31+ years and love my wife don't want to hurt or leave her.  But I am afraid once I step into the looking glass how will I come out, will I come out?   When I have seriously looked at my self internally and externally I have always thought you'd be one scarry women.  You would not consider me as a feminine looking man.  So here I am, one good thing is I don't have to do it all tomorrow. 

I am enjoying the feelings I have been having and taking some action seems better than no action.

Well that's all for now I'm feeling kinda empty for the moment and don't know what else to say.

Thanks for letting me purge.  I'm sure there is more where this is coming from.

Josefa

Hi Becky! Nice to meet you. I am in my late 50's, trans, and originally from Long Island. The wonderful people here who are talking about patience with your spouse are spot on. To whatever degree you decide to explore your gender feelings or transition, remember that your spouse needs room to adjust as well. I have tried to be as respectful as I can be to those around me with regard to my transition. Believe me people respond better when they are feeling respected. Good luck! Hope it goes well.
Moni

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Quote from: BeckyLI on April 12, 2016, 11:33:13 AM
my fear of losing my wife and my fear of opening up to people about something that I was very uncomfortable and ashamed of, so I retreated and suppressed my feelings. 

  Hi Becky and welcome to Susan's Place.

I am 64 myself and was married for over 20 years. I like many here can relate to those same fears. Some, like me, lost that "love of my life". She was aware of my cross dressing (at the time that was all I would let myself believe it was) and was not supportive of it. I had all the fears you mentioned and my desires were absolutely a factor as well as other bad behavior issues likely to have been exasperated by it. Jealousy, verbal and some physical abuse, alcoholism, drugs etc. I'm proud of none of it. As I said  it ended in divorce. It was probably the best thing she could have done for herself at the time. It devastated me. Enter more drinking and drugs and depression thoughts of suicide were there also but I survived it all.  I survived the death of my son to a heart condition.I had to rebuild my relation ship with my daughter and I have 5 wonderful grand kids.
    Now I jeopardize my family and friends by taking that step to finally come to terms with my own needs and do it for myself. I am almost 8 weeks into transition. I've told my doctor, he's ordered my HRT meds, and have scheduled an appointment to get my own therapy started. I have fears, many fears, but I think I am ready to face them head on when the time for each come due.

   I do hope you are able to come to a amicable solution with your wife. Perhaps you can enlists the aid of a therapist with experience in helping with issues like yours. But maybe it is time for your own journey to begin. I wish you luck with your decision whatever that may be.

  Jeanette