Well so it started yesterday where I start to feel really disoriented. Like Ive had this before so I know it goes away but VERY uncomfortable. I start to feel like a overly macho guy which feels wrong, not me. It makes me depressed, disoriented and that myself is missing. Yes it was so bad I had to call in sick.

Im a girl inside and so to feel wrong like this ya I can't concentrate or anything. It's like a bad dream. This feeling has even made me think about suicide before but it does go away. I hope someone understands what Im saying or trying to say. The boy feeling makes me feel insane kind of.

I just want everything boy in me to just go away forever.

I don't know exactly where your head is at right now. But I understand the feelings you have. Many of us have been there. Calling in sick because of your anxiety or depression is not a good sign. I'm glad you came to the board and posted something. Do you have something to keep your mind occupied on anything else?

I feel close to that often. However, not so bad I have had to call in. It is not unusual. However, I think you should bring this up to your therapist soonish.

Hope your journey gets smoother,

Joanna

Im glad there are people who understand me. Today did get better for me. One, a coworker called me to check up on me. We talked for a bit. Than I decided to go shower, get dressed and actually went up to work where I helped for the last hour of the day. People were really concerned about me and not just my boss but others to. What made things even better is that they didnt say anything like a few weeks about the collared shirt dress code. That was my fear is hey male dress code thing. Nothing like that.

I never let them really know the exact reason behind it all although one person there knows. I might make more sense of it soon by chance to a few people. As for my therapist, Im not sure how to really approach it all.

Im just glad I feel more like me again!!

Quote from: Larisa1983 on April 13, 2016, 08:29:34 PM
As for my therapist, Im not sure how to really approach it all.

Don't fight it alone.  Talk to your therapist.  What you're describing might be gender dysphoria.  It might be clinical depression.  It might easily be both in combination.  There are effective treatments for both conditions.

If you're not sure how to raise it to your therapist, just print out a copy of what you originally posted above.  Take it with you to your next appointment and ask your therapist to read it.  Let her take it from there.  If she blows it off or can't handle it, you need a different doc.

Whatever this feeling is, get out ahead of it and get it under control.  Don't let it put you in the hospital . . .