Last year - I had an epiphany that I am transgender. All the pieces fit together and everything made sense. I went to a  therapist and discovered that I am indeed transgender, but there's one problem...

I am not in a position to transition because my fiance said that she will leave me if I decide to go that route.

My therapist said that I cannot do anything at this moment because I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. My fiance is supporting me while I'm going to school full time. I know when I graduate (next Winter 2017) that I will have a great paying job that will help pay for everything. Like younger transgender teens - I'm kinda in their position - where I'm stuck at home, unable to transition because "they'll be none of that!"

I can say I want to transition - but this is what will happen:

My love of my life will leave me.
I will be unable to pay for the roof over my head.
I will be unable to feed myself.
I will be unable to afford my health insurance.
I will be forced to drop out of school and give up my career - for a job at getting $10 hr vs. $30 to $50 hr.

OR......

I can shut up and bite my tongue.
Pretend I'm just a guy.
Finish my school in the next year and half, graduate and start working at $30 to $50 an hour.
Then drop the T-bomb (transition) and be in a better position to take care of myself.

My therapist said this is a no brainer. For my own health and safety - I need to keep my mouth shut.

But I feel guilty inside - keeping this a secret.

In a way - she drew a line in the sand - saying if you do this, I'm outta here. So in a way - I'm trying to look out for number one.

What are your thoughts?

Jessica

I thought this was familiar and I was right. My answer is still the same but it's a decision you will have to make and nobody can make it for you.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207223

Only you can answer what you should do. That goes for transition as well as your current relationship.

Quote from: Dena on April 17, 2016, 02:15:43 PM
I thought this was familiar and I was right. My answer is still the same but it's a decision you will have to make and nobody can make it for you.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207223

LOL - I forgot I asked this question. Opps!  :-)

Jess

Hello,

Everyone is different in how they might handle this but here somethings to consider.

For many who attempt to live (thinking male to female) in the body they were born into so not to rock the boat with family, friends and lovers can do more harm than good if down the road the inner self can't breathe anymore. The brain refuses to live as a male and now if the spouse is unaccepting in the first place more likely than not will reject their partner thus ruining their life and what about if they had children, they may not be able to handle this and thus causing rejection to you and cause them to have issues now or down the road.

Then there is you well being, everyday could be just fine as you do well suppressing the urges to be female yet like me who did this became very unhappy and could not continue living male any more.

As I see it you need to be upfront and honest to your fiancé, sit down and explain to her what you are going through, don't lead her on that you will be happy living as a male when your brain tells you this is not true. Then another thought is you may never need to transition to be happy, but instead don't need surgery and may be perfectly satisfied dressing from time to time. Not everyone requires surgery to be happy in life.

In my case I did it completely wrong, got married, had children and after 20 years the brain rebelled. Luckily my children accept me but in many ways messed up my ex-wife life and truly regret this and if I could relive my life would not married and be true to myself whatever the cost.