I am.... but I am becoming me.... whatever that is...  I dont feel girly or manly... the pendulum has settled and
its setting on "me"

this may take some getting used to

I sorta liked the girly swings.... but not the manly ones

I also feel like life has slammed on the brakes and skidded to a crawl... I have so much more time in my day

normal hrt behavior or am I just odd

I started off trying to focus on being more girly. In the end I settled on where I've always been, right smack in the middle. The only difference being that now I look like a girl in the middle, instead of a guy, and I actually like myself. I think it's totally normal.

Finding yourself is pretty awesome, huh

I did not feel especially girly when I started HRT.  I felt relief.  Within days the existential tension had eased, and that bitter self-loathing that had corroded my soul for decades was gradually replaced by some small degree of self-acceptance.  I was more at peace with myself.  As far as liking girly things, well, I have always liked them, and I just gave myself permission to like them any time I want.

Now, eight months later, on higher doses of estrogen, it really hasn't changed.  The dysphoria is gone (along with my libido, but I wasn't needing it anyway, lol) and I can appreciate the small physical changes that have taken place.  Softer skin, smaller pores, reduced body hair - but not the 15 pound (7 kg) weight gain! Oh yes, and breast growth.  There is that.  I have mixed emotions about having some very noticeable boobs, since I present as male at work and to my kids.  That will be a problem soon.

With kindness,

Terri

Yes, that's exactly how it is for me too.  As normal as it feels though, if you stop HRT all the badness comes back. 


Sapere Aude

Quote from: Emileeeee on April 18, 2016, 03:26:44 PM
I started off trying to focus on being more girly. In the end I settled on where I've always been, right smack in the middle. The only difference being that now I look like a girl in the middle, instead of a guy, and I actually like myself. I think it's totally normal.

I felt similar:  Like I had to try to be super girly (whatever that means)....  As time has gone on though, I'm just happy to be me. 

It's definitely been an evolution over the past 2+ years. 

I love the ease up on the brain, I can handle all the changes, but the boobs make me the most nervous... Id rather those stay at a minimum...

but being a prettier "male" is fine with me while I continue to present that way...

Its funny because some say "Oh, you will only get marginal bewbs" then others say they busted out torpedos in the first month...

had to adjust some of my moves 'cause I kept touching my (marginal) bewbs with my arms (and it hurts), and don't have the little voice in my head anymore telling me to try to look manly, and it feels good to allow myself to tip-toe if I want, stand like this...

I think the suddenly girliness stems from feeling more free to act on it after beginning HRT. Then there is an initial period where you want to catch up from all the times you suppressed those feelings.

After that, things seem normal. You are a girl, there is no specific way to feel as you are just you. Like you I felt the huge relief and calming effect after a little while of starting!