Hi! My parents wished to have a boy but they had 4 girls including me. I'm the youngest one in my family so they brought me up like a boy. I was happy to be like that. I didn't have any girls as my friends, my circle of friends include only boys and this is when my parents start freaking out and told me I have to behave like a girl from now on. They made me wear girls dress and asked me to sit with girls and all. First, I find it difficult and I told about that to my mom and she said it's because I'm not used to it. Even I tried to convince myself for that reason but it didn't help me. But later I understood I'm not anymore female but a male. You won't understand how it will feel to live as someone else. Having a female body and boyish character. I want to be happy, to be myself so I secretly searched about this and thought of undergoing surgery. I heard many people regret their decision afterward so I thought of doing ftm top surgery from a clinic in Mississauga. I'm planning to consult Dr. McLean and talk about this in detail with him. I also need to ask his help in convincing my parents. I would like to hear the experience of transgenders. How did you convince your parents?

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First, we're people that are transgender. Gay people aren't the gays, white people aren't the whites, we're trans people.

Second, therapists and counselors are going to be necessary for both the therapy aspect, and providing a letter to a surgeon. Therapists are also the best choice for mediation with your family if you need it. In the end, you have to convince your family, no one else can do that for you.

I doubt you'll be able to find a surgeon willing to convince your parents, especially if you aren't in counseling with a therapist.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Welcome to Susan's Place. I suspect you are under aged and the surgery is expensive. In addition, the doctors are very careful who they preform surgery on so they often have rules you need to follow and one of them is therapy so you fully understand what will happen. To discover if this surgery will be right for you, you will need to explore your feelings and learn about yourself. Once you understand yourself, you will be able to explain it to your parents. We have the resources for you to start exploring yourself and to explain it to your parents. I am gong to give you two links for you to look at and after you have, feel free to ask more questions. The first is our WIKI where you can match what you feel against the transgender feelings. The second is "the transition channel" where a therapist will ask you more questions that will help you understand your feelings. If you feel you are transgender, therapy would be a very good place to start.

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Here are a few resources that can help you:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

There are studies showing being transgender has biological connections.
It can help with self acceptance, its nobodys fault, and its how people really feel.

There are many resources now for transgender people.

You might ask for counseling and support, at plannedparenthood, a lgbt center or at PFLAG. You might also talk to a school counselor you trust.

If you feel like it please reach out ... there are helplines
www.translifeline.org


hugs

Hi, and welcome! 

From what you're saying, it sounds like you've had a very confusing childhood with your parents forcing you to conform to certain expectations. On first reading your post it sounds like they forcibly raised you as a boy - but is that really the case? It's possible... but it's also possible that they simply let you be you, and when you showed a natural preference for boys' clothes and toys (like one of my daughters did), they simply respected your wishes. Have you asked them this?

I'm willing to bet that if you sat down and actually talked to your parents, you'll be surprised with what they have to say. I don't know you and I'm probably going out on a bit of a limb here... but I wouldn't be surprised if they told you that you were always a 'tomboy' from a very early age and showed a marked preference for the sorts of things that are usually associated with boys. I know this from experience, because one of my daughters was like that (and the other one was a sparkly, pink, girly-girl) so I've seen it happen first-hand. I also showed a marked preference for boyish things and behaved like a boy from the age of 18 months... which is pretty much as early as you can start being an autonomous human being.

Most trans people show signs of being trans from a surprisingly early age. I daresay you can't remember how you used to behave around that age - so is it possible that you were showing early signs of refusing to dress or behave in a stereotypically 'girly' manner, and that your parents just went along with it, hoping you'd outgrow it in time? I wish mine had, but that's another story.

So there's a good chance that you've always behaved in a boyish fashion & rejected girly things, and that your folks thought you were just going through a 'tomboy phase'. Most tomboys grow out of this around the time of puberty and start acting and dressing in a more feminine manner. If you're at that stage now, that would explain why your parents are suddenly 'freaking out': they expected that you would have started being girly by now and they're worried that you're not doing what they'd hoped you'd do. They're trying to encourage you to outgrow your tomboy phase... and it's worrying them that this seems to be something other than a simple phase.

I'd urge you to at least ask your parents why they dressed you as a boy when you were younger. Ask them how this all started. Was it their idea, or yours? I'm willing to bet it was yours. And if they confirm this, it's entirely possible that you're trans and were showing early signs, which your parents respected but perhaps misinterpreted as a 'tomboy phase'. In which case, you might want to do more research on what it means to be trans and what you can do about it (we're here to help!) before exploring your options.

Just... don't rush things on the surgery front. It's absolutely not true that many people regret surgery (over 90% of trans people are much happier after surgery than before) so 'trans regret' is a massive lie made up to discredit us. And seriously, I know thousands of trans guys who've had top surgery and I've never met one who regrets it! But any surgery is expensive, invasive, dangerous and painful... so it should only be done after a lot of serious consideration. If you truly are trans, the first step is to see a gender therapist to help you sort out your feelings and what you need to do about them. Surgery, if it's needed, happens way down the road. Transition is a marathon, not a sprint. As is convincing your parents, I'm afraid.

Welcome!
Surgery is generally reserved for the last thing you complete as part of your transition, not the first. I would recommend getting In touch with a therapist to talk about your thoughts and possible transitional options. I would also recommend talking to your parents soon about what you are feeling. Since surgery can be a really big thing, I would recommend not mentioning that to your folks because they might take it too seriously and potentially discredit you early on. Good luck!


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