Hello everyone.

i have been in the local transgender program for over 18 months now.
Feel like i have already come some way, many changes occurring within me.

i wrote my doctor to explain how i have been feeling and he moved my appointment
up by three weeks, so i am to see him today.
Next step would be hormones i hope and i am excited about that but am oh so nervous too.
Feel like i am standing at the edge of a cliff. It's scary.

Just reaching out asking for some calming words.

Linda

Hi Linda

I remember the nervous excitement when I had my Dr.s appointments, it was like electricity running through me

Then after awhile there I was with my HRT script in hand

I'm sure you'll be fine, just relax and be honest

Best wishes

Hugs

V M

Hi VM and thank you kindly for responding.
This is so what i needed to read and will keep those words in mind.

Try to relax.

Many people report a feeling of relief when they start.
Psychological effects are among the first.

And usually people start out with a low dose. So you have a few weeks to see how it makes you feel, without non reversal effects.


hugs

i will try and relax, going to start with a hot bath.
Thank you for your kind and soothing words.
i know it's the right thing and feel so silly to be scared,
so knowing that i am not the only one who reacts like that
is very valuable to me today.

Hugs to you Laura

My appointment went well overall, i kept it honest and got some good feedback from him.
i will still have to wait a few weeks before HRT though, i was disappointed with that but
at least it's on the schedule.  First he wants to go over my personality test (terrific)

i will be scheduled for a speech therapist soon, am really looking forward to that and
a social worker within the team will contact my wife, who is naturally a bit confused
about what this all means.

Anyway, i came crying here and wanted to leave the thread on a more optimistic note.

Thanks again VM and Laura

*hugs*

I'd say try to relax and look forward to it.

If you feel upset you might take a walk ... or a ride on the bike .. some physical activity can help wear off stress hormones.

And as said ... nothing is permanent the first few weeks, so you can really look forward to it and see how it makes you feel.


*hugs*

*hugs* You are very kind Laura and all your advice is good.  Been trying to start swimming again for exercise,
but i get body dysphoria in the dressing room with all those mirrors.  i just won't look in the mirrors then 

i really am excited about this whole process, am just impatient and i was full of fear
of rejection this morning.  You and VM helped fix that.  Very grateful i am.
Hope in time i will be fit to contribute on this site in a positive manner.

*hugs*
Linda

How very exciting!  Linda, when I have that feeling of being at the edge of a cliff, I close my eyes and imagine a strong, full set of wings that spread from my back past my fingertips.  We can then imagine facing into the wind, like most pilots, stretching our wings and stepping off with confidence and a feeling of lift as we soar, we fly above it all.

I was fortunate enough to have flown paraglidders and to experience this in real flight time.

Hi hi Tessa,

i have never been paragliding, have high anxiety, so for me the thought of the edge is more like preparing a fall,
but with a net somewhere down there that i can't see, but have to trust is there.
Funny you should mention that because i wrote a short poem about it this morning.

Edge
i am standing at the edge of a cliff
peering down into the seeming abyss
crowd behind me screams don't do it
many below shouting jump jump jump
Teetering i close my eyes & talk to God
Am in your power, you know what's best
do i imagine your zephyr at my back?
please grant me a gust to blow me over

Thanks so much for your reply, i am going to try what you did
and see myself there with wings.

Sounds like you're getting things on track and on your way    Just keep yourself busy and those few weeks will pass by quickly

Keep us posted on how things are going

Hugs

Am ever so grateful.
i will certainly keep you here posted on how it's going.
Sure, time will fly, the fear is leaving me.
Am going to exercise as suggested and do other positive things.

Warm hugs to you VM

Quote from: lindagrl on April 26, 2016, 03:13:48 PM
Hi hi Tessa,

i have never been paragliding, have high anxiety, so for me the thought of the edge is more like preparing a fall,
but with a net somewhere down there that i can't see, but have to trust is there.
Funny you should mention that because i wrote a short poem about it this morning.

Edge
i am standing at the edge of a cliff
peering down into the seeming abyss
crowd behind me screams don't do it
many below shouting jump jump jump
Teetering i close my eyes & talk to God
Am in your power, you know what's best
do i imagine your zephyr at my back?
please grant me a gust to blow me over

Thanks so much for your reply, i am going to try what you did
and see myself there with wings.

Linda I had a terrible fear of heights or at least of falling from them.  My desire to fly got me up on the cliffs and the experience was a surprising antidote to my usual fears of falling.  One of the highlights of my life and an experience I bring to my directed dreaming states when I can.  I too felt that cliff edge of decisive change awaiting me as transition started. Thank you for sharing your poem.  I imagine you are in for some fun flights and many happy landings.

Tessa, i think you were so brave to do that and yes i can just imagine the liberating feeling of flight.

Learning that what i was feeling wasn't so unusual has really helped me today and i believe you
and the other ladies that it's going to be alright.
Just want to say that for various reasons of my own i've been having a bit of a hard time on this
site expressing myself like i want to.
This whole thread has been a blessing to me.

*hugs*

You have come a long way and should do something to celebrate what you have done so far. You will be on HRT soon enough.

I was nervous after I got the pills. It took me a few hours to settle down and take them. Remember all that it took to get to that point. There is so much invested it is normal to feel a bit nervous. 

HRT is awesome and for me, very fulfilling.  That said, it is honestly the internal work I did before HRT that has been recognized the most in my life.  I realized after a bit that HRT is really just a tool used in conjunction with my internal identity and all the "leg work" up until starting was what got HRT on to the table in the first place.

Not downplaying it at all, but be proud of how far you have come with nothing but your spirit.  That is the true testament to who you really are.  Congrats and welcome!

Hi Rachel and Kaitylynn, you should see my face now, oh i am a happy lady today.  Warm hugs to you both.
It's true, i am realizing it now that i really have put in a lot of difficult work.  For instance there were so many
defenses i've had to knock down with persistence.  i am on my way and oh my what a wonderful feeling.
i AM going to celebrate

Thank you thank you thank you
Happy Linda