So I let my dad know today that I am interested in buying a necklace for my mom on Mother's Day along with a card. What surprised me is that my dad said, "write whatever name you wanna be addressed as." I thought maybe I was hearing things. But I don't think I want to use Phoenix because my mom does not now me by this name and she will probably be confused as who sent the gift.

I was thinking of signing one of my nicknames because they are masculine variations of my dead name. I just hope she catches on. Maybe if I say something like, "With lots of warm love from your youngest," and then sign my nickname, I'm sure she'll know it's me. Even though she has dementia. What do you guys think? I look forward to your thoughts!

-Sparky

I would follow your dads advice--with the assumption that you would be willing to explain to your mom what the card meant by your non-birth name.


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Hi there!

I was thinking the same thing, Wuggy. Guess I am thinking back about when I tried to come out to her and said that my name is now Phoenix. She sounded disappointed. And rightfully so because she is responsible for giving me my birthname. I like my birthname but I don't want it associated with me. My sister, the one taking care of my mom, knows that I am Phoenix even though she calls me by my dead name anyways like she ain't registered that. And I want the gift to be a surprise, so I won't be able to explain until she receives it.

But you're right. My social worker told me that I have to own my identity. I think she meant I need to know within myself that I am Phoenix no matter what and if I want to be taken seriously, I need to prove that I know within myself that I am Phoenix. Not because of approval but because of dignity. I will explain this to her again if need be. Though I do not correct my mom when she keeps calling me by my dead name because I just don't have the heart to, knowing she suffers from an incurable disease of extreme forgetfulness.

-Sparky

I would suggest answering the question, who am I?  I am _______. Then signing the card as such.