Hey there i have a really big problem with myself. I have taken hormones now for 8 months and changes are very visible which is great to me but some how i fell like everybody on the street knows immediately that i am transgender and this scares me to death. I got abused in school since I was 8 years old for being diffrent and this lead to me being totally afraid of People in generall. I did not went outside of my house for the last 4 months if not totally necessary because I am just to scared for getting abused or beaten down in public. I really can't go on living my life this way because I feel more and more lonely and think about suiced everday.

You need to discuss this with your therapist. Often when we start to transition, problems from our past become our problem again. Fear of appearing in public is not a transgender issue but is something many people suffer from. Your therapist can help you over come the fear and be comfortable in public.

Quote from: Fluttershy95 on April 30, 2016, 02:49:03 PM
Hey there i have a really big problem with myself. I have taken hormones now for 8 months and changes are very visible which is great to me but some how i fell like everybody on the street knows immediately that i am transgender and this scares me to death. I got abused in school since I was 8 years old for being diffrent and this lead to me being totally afraid of People in generall. I did not went outside of my house for the last 4 months if not totally necessary because I am just to scared for getting abused or beaten down in public. I really can't go on living my life this way because I feel more and more lonely and think about suiced everday.

Understand its a different situation now.
You did not fit in and felt different because you were not yourself. You may have felt not like yourself. People feel that.

Now its different. I'd say try to be yourself, try to be simply who you feel you are. This should show, in gait and mannerism.
You should naturally show the mannerism of a girl.
Just try to naturally be you.
Should people notice or say something you might have a few answers ready.
One possibility would be to show to your boobies and ask if they look like those of a boy.
Usually people apologize then.
Don't take it personal, just be naturally yourself and enjoy yourself.
Over time its likely it gets less and less.

And you are grownup now. People are much more civilized than school people not being able to control their emotions.
Just imagine this phase is over. Try to relax.

You could go to places where people are accepting, and get used to being outside there, then expanding places from there.

You should also talk to a therapist.


If you feel like it please reach out ... there are hotlines

www.translifeline.org
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us


And maybe you can make a few friends here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1846234.html#new


hugs

Quote from: Fluttershy95 on April 30, 2016, 02:49:03 PM
Hey there i have a really big problem with myself. I have taken hormones now for 8 months and changes are very visible which is great to me but some how i fell like everybody on the street knows immediately that i am transgender and this scares me to death. I got abused in school since I was 8 years old for being diffrent and this lead to me being totally afraid of People in generall. I did not went outside of my house for the last 4 months if not totally necessary because I am just to scared for getting abused or beaten down in public. I really can't go on living my life this way because I feel more and more lonely and think about suiced everday.

Do you think you have agoraphobia? I sure do! I got to a point where I stayed at home for a year. Only thing that gets me out are things I need done like dialysis. I hate going outside. Not cause of laziness, but because of pure scrutiny from the shaming eyes of the world. I can relate. Sorry if this was not helpful, but it was very honest.

-Sparky

Do you go to group? if not you may want to consider going to group. Some people at group wear andro clothing or birth sex clothing, it is not an issue.

It's probably more a fear of being read as trans than a fear of cis people. They're actually mostly harmless and the vast majority wouldn't know what a trans person "looked like" if one kicked them in the pants. Plus they're usually so  involved in their own lives or phones or pads or whatever that most of them don't see 90% of the world go by. But you do have a legitimate fear, one that is likely to cause you a lot of social anxiety. But like any fear it can be overcome. Don't feed the fear, find a way to not only cope and overcome it, but put it down for good. As others have suggested, a therapist would be very useful for this.

I would agree with Grace fear of being read would be totally understandable but you do not need to be ashamed of who you are.

As animals your fear in itself will draw unwanted attention creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Despite my dress and behaviour I've yet to experience any negative event in the outside world. I may just be very lucky but I am a lot more comfortable in my new skin and my happiness seems to make people happier when I see them. It's pretty amazing really. I do not look female enough yet so after a double take I will be read as male but I can handle that for now. Seems to take them longer every time to read me though so maybe there is hope yet.

Before I realised I was trans particularly in my youth the entire universe knew I was different and so did I. I seemed to draw hostile people to me like a magnet making me very fearful of the outside world. I am still different perhaps more than ever but I am happy and that seems to have changed the world into a less scary place.

Hope you find your way into a friendlier world.

Quote from: Fluttershy95 on April 30, 2016, 02:49:03 PM
Hey there i have a really big problem with myself. I have taken hormones now for 8 months and changes are very visible which is great to me but some how i fell like everybody on the street knows immediately that i am transgender and this scares me to death. I got abused in school since I was 8 years old for being diffrent and this lead to me being totally afraid of People in generall. I did not went outside of my house for the last 4 months if not totally necessary because I am just to scared for getting abused or beaten down in public. I really can't go on living my life this way because I feel more and more lonely and think about suiced everday.

Hello, I haven't transition myself yet but I understand your fear of going outside and the fear of being abused or beaten down in public. You see I have severe anxiety and it causes me to be inside my house a lot It can be really scary going out side and even intimidating. I don't know if this will help you for your situation but it's always worth giving it a shot i like to say have you tried going up and down your street or taking it step-by-step? maybe you could even bring a dog with you or a person if you have someone or something around that could help you get used to the people outside. Then maybe you won't feel so scared anymore, or at least it might help. Cis or not the people actually isn't that frightening once you get used to everything. ^.^ take your time it'll work out.

My wife also feels this way. I will be with her somewhere and she will suddenly want to leave because she feels 'overwhelmed". I don' think it's fear of Cis people, but a healthy awareness that you could be outted and the fear of what could happen. Will they hurt you, call you names, etc. I am Cis and I think that makes my wife feel a lot better when I am with her, because I would have no problem stepping in to stop anyone who tried to cause a problem. Honestly, most people will not notice you are trans, because most people do not bother to look past the surface, and they are to focused on what they are doing.

Do you have any friends that could accompany you? Ones that are supportive? Maybe going out with them could help you because you would feel safer than being alone.