Going to tell her about my male identity. I wrote it down among other things....she asked me to write down stuff about how social situations make me feel anxious and I found a way to write about my identity and social dysphoria (I can talk about physical dysphoria later). Writing it down was easier but I still feel very anxious. I am having anxiety attacks. I feel vulnerable lately as I'm feeling bad....so I get anxious because I hope this will be handled the right way. I had a negative experience last year with another therapist. I want to feel understood now, it can't always be so bad.

Jossam,
     Why not tell the therapist that. "I am willing to tell you something that is very hard for me. If you can not treat what I tell you with respect, tell me now. I am very anxious about it and need support, not disapproval." You pay the bill, why not set the tone? Just a thought. Good luck!
Moni

I can relate to your nervousness. When you sought out this therapist, did they advertise as LGBT-friendly? If you have trouble with this therapist, I highly suggest looking specifically for a LGBT-friendly therapist, and ask them up-front at the initial consultation how they feel about that and gender identity issues. That worked for me.

Quote from: jossam on May 03, 2016, 12:20:42 PM
Going to tell her about my male identity. I wrote it down among other things....she asked me to write down stuff about how social situations make me feel anxious and I found a way to write about my identity and social dysphoria (I can talk about physical dysphoria later). Writing it down was easier but I still feel very anxious.

This is the right thing to do.  I understand your apprehension.  The step you're taking is never easy.  I hope your therapist will deal productively with this.

I think it's a good sign that she gave you this assignment (writing about how social situations cause anxiety) because it shows she's asking the right kind of question.  And you're framing the answer the right way by opening the door on gender identity and dysphoria.

Tell her what she needs to know to understand and help you.  I'll be thinking about you tomorrow when you're meeting with her.

I highly suspect I am on the autistic spectrum and one of my past therapists told me I show signs, so I see discussing social anxiety as a (I hope) way to get feedback and find out the reasons why I do the things I do, in depth. I added that sense of social dysphoria so I could introduce transness in an easier way for me (writing instead of speaking). Social dysphoria is one of the causes of my anxiety when among other people, not the only one of course, but it plays a role. I want to learn how to handle anxiety in various situations and that's one of the goals I chose for this therapy.

I did not choose her, my psychiatrist did because I am on meds too but she thinks I need talk therapy too. They all work in the same place, it's a mental health center with various mental health professionals. I said I didn't feel comfortable with the previous therapist so she told the new one to meet me and see if I wanted to start the therapy with her so I accepted because she sounds very caring and nice. She's not a gender therapist. There are no gender therapists in my area. I live in a pretty rural and backward part of the country and we don't have many services. I use the few things we have here. We're forgotten by everyone, some kind of no man's land.

There are many things that make me socially inept and aloof. Social dysphoria is one drop among other drops of water that form the sea of social issues. But it's one of the causes, with the other being autism in my opinion and other psychologist's opinion, something I strongly believe but diagnosis of an adult is difficult, they say.

I don't know if your psychiatrist and your therapist are associated with any well-known institution, but if so, you might post the name (and location?) in this thread.  People here at Susans.org might be familiar with it and have some idea how likely it is to be trans-friendly.

I ask because at least one nationally-known institution is world-famous for its transphobia (and homophobia?)

I would if I were from the US or UK or any other "major" country where most people from this site are, but I live in the middle of nowhere and so it's nothing well known and not really an institution but more like a very local center for mental health.

So my therapist just skimmed what I wrote and said she needs more time to understand. She did not ask anything about that gender identity issue. Maybe she ignored it, maybe she read it but wants to talk about it later or maybe she just didn't see it.

I just hope that she won't consider me delusional or something. I can see she is a very good therapist but we all know how poorly trans issues are handled by mental health professionals that are supposed to be understanding and non judgmental. My gender identity is not the reason why I am in therapy. There is nothing to figure out and I'm already extremely sure about transitioning (after years of thinking about it) but I can't do it now because family. Still, I wanted to write down I have a male identity because it says a lot of me and it's one of the reasons I feel uncomfortable in some social situations sometimes (social dysohoria).
And I can't get over the pain that being like this brings and how I have to wait for transition until I move out and get independence.

Dear Jossam,
     Can I just say that I think you have some pretty good things going for you. I am impressed with how you are seeking answers. You seem to be introspective and willing to work on the problems you are seeing. If I am not mistaken, you are pretty young. I think young folks have a hard time seeing that those around them of the same age really have dysphoric feelings of their own. The older I get the more I realize that a lot of people who seem to have it together, really don't. I don't know if this observation makes you feel any better or not.
      I wonder if she was looking over the gender issue. Could it be that, not being a gender therapist, she needed to bone up on the issue some before talking to you ? Just a thought!
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on May 04, 2016, 05:00:03 PM
Dear Jossam,
     Can I just say that I think you have some pretty good things going for you. I am impressed with how you are seeking answers. You seem to be introspective and willing to work on the problems you are seeing. If I am not mistaken, you are pretty young. I think young folks have a hard time seeing that those around them of the same age really have dysphoric feelings of their own. The older I get the more I realize that a lot of people who seem to have it together, really don't. I don't know if this observation makes you feel any better or not.
      I wonder if she was looking over the gender issue. Could it be that, not being a gender therapist, she needed to bone up on the issue some before talking to you ? Just a thought!
Moni

I'm not really seeking huge answers for huge questions, I just want to get rid of my anxiety issues, at least the pathological ones.
I find that older people think young people don't really know who they are or what they want because of their young age. I can say at the age of 23 years old I know what I want. I want to live happily and I want my body to match my actual gender. So, happiness is my main goal, and it's what I really want. I've been knowing this since birth, that I'm a man trapped in this female body. It hasn't changed, the only thing that changed is my strength, as I got the strength now to say "yes, I want this, and nothing could be worse than keeping on living in the wrong body until the end of my days". I know transition is difficult but it's not as difficult as living in a body I feel like it doesn't belong to me.

I don't understand what you mean by people my age having their own dysphoric feelings. If you used dysphoria in its general meaning, "sense of dissatisfaction" then yes, many people have it, young or old. If you mean gender dysphoria specifically, then no, it makes no sense, really.

I know I have to face new experiences in my life and challenges and whatnot, and I'm not ready for all the things I have in mind (like getting married), but a person can't be totally clueless about their life when they're in their 20s, because that's exactly when the most crucial decisions are taken (college choice, jobs, moving, even marriage for some). I did not allow myself to be clueless. I never do.

Quote from: jossam on May 04, 2016, 10:57:19 PM

I find that older people think young people don't really know who they are or what they want because of their young age. I can say at the age of 23 years old I know what I want. I want to live happily and I want my body to match my actual gender. So, happiness is my main goal, and it's what I really want.

I don't understand what you mean by people my age having their own dysphoric feelings. If you used dysphoria in its general meaning, "sense of dissatisfaction" then yes, many people have it, young or old. If you mean gender dysphoria specifically, then no, it makes no sense, really.

Jossam,
I was talking about your age because you were talking about your social dysphoria. My point was not to be condescending about your age. My thought was that maybe it is easy when you are young to look around and think everyone your age has it all together. At my age it is easier to see that a lot of people are vulnerable and don't have it all together. I meant no offense, I was trying to say that you were not alone in not being where you want to be.

Yes, I should have said social dysphoria.
Moni

Oh ok I think I get it now

You meant I tend to think everyone else my age is doing good and I don't see they are vulnerable too? If that's what you mean then it's true I tend to think other people my age are stronger than I am. I think years of mental issues made me pessimistic about the possibility of me getting better. Sometimes I think I'm doomed and that I will be left behind while everybody else around me will succeed in life. I know I should be more optimistic, but it's hard, cause I am surrounded by cis people who will never have to face the difficulties of medical transition and will never have to ask for support about this stuff, and who have never suffered from depression. I spend more time with therapists than with friends now. It just makes me feel doomed compared to my peers.

Dear Jossam,

Yes, this is what I was trying to say. Listen, I know you have a lot of doubts about how things will go for you, and I would never dismiss how hard it is to deal with depression (Been there some myself). I would urge you to take the pressure off yourself as to what other people  are doing. The more I experience with people, the more I realize that there is probably one normal person somewhere in the whole world. Everyone has something to deal with. Yes, you have something very uncommon to handle, but you are no less deserving of finding peace and happiness in your life than anyone else.
At the risk of sounding like a old geezer, try to look at a bigger picture for yourself. You will move on from where you are now. It might be good to envision a future that would be good for you and work your tail off to make it happen. When I was depressed, it was terrible. I couldn't make myself care about anything. I made myself put one foot in front of the other until I got to a better place. Even though I didn't emotionally feel like I would ever be okay, I decided that I would not surrender to the depression. You have to act like it will be okay.
I didn't mean to go into all this, and I hope it doesn't seem like I am lecturing you. I just hate to hear about you feeling so helpless. The people who are different, who have gone through some trouble, these are the people I have found who are really worth knowing (mostly). They tend to be more sensitive, more empathetic.
I hope you will find the strength you need to get through this. I'm pulling for you if that means anything.
Moni