Hello all! I'm new to this site, lol. I was just wondering if any of my sisters could give me advice on dealing with crushes? I've never dated anyone, i'm 19, and I live in a small, rural town where everybody knows everybody so you can imagine how that is. Ever since I began transitioning, I've talked to some guys, but nothing ever actually happens. There's this one guy in particular, though, who I have the biiiiggest crush on. (I know it may seem silly, especially since i'm still sort of young) He just makes me so incredibly happy when I see him, and I can tell that we both have feelings for each other, especially because we used to be so shy and awkward around each other when we first met, but now we're much more comfortable around each other (he also obviously knows I'm trans). We've hung out plenty of times, but we've never actually admitted our feelings. I just feel so weird because I don't know how to flirt that well, lol!! I feel like a little baby, especially compared to so many other beautiful trans women who have no problem attracting men. I'm just too scared to tell him how I feel, because we live in such a small town, and even though I strongly feel as though there's SOME sort of connection, I still fear rejection. I know I should probably just get over it, because it might just be a silly crush, and I have NO dating experience, but I just can't help it. He's so sweet to me and we've had so much fun together, but I feel like when I try to flirt back with him, I just end up boring him. Someone help! :O

Hi

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

When you say "he obviously knows your trans" what do you mean? Have you told him? Because if not it's actually unlikely. If you are still presenting as male he may think you are a gay man. If you are presenting as female he may have no clue.

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Cheers

Grace

I'd just work on the friendship first

I have two contradictory ways of reading this situation.

1) he actually likes you
2) he was shy at first because your transgender status made him uncomfortable, but now he just sees you as another person and treats you accordingly

Of course, if he's a (2) you might be able to ply him with liquor and turn him into a (1).  Just kidding.  That's probably illegal in your country.  I mean, drinking at your age. 

So... how do you distinguish (1) from (2) without feeling embarrassed?  Body language!  For example, sit close enough to him so that your leg brushes his as you're sitting down, but doesn't stay in contact with his.  What does he do?  Shy-but-interested guys will try to seek out more leg-on-leg contact, subtly shifting how they're seated or moving around.  A guy who's grossed out by transwomen will seek distance.

Avery,

Are you out to everyone in town?  Did you ever go to school with him? 

I agree with Stephaniec, get to know each other better.  Hangout with him when you can and have fun and have some laughs.  Compliment him on something like his eyes or hair or how sensitive you think he is.  Every guy needs to be made to feel he is special.

Maybe go to a movie, there's no better place to be able to sit really close and hold hands when you're shy.  If you can snuggle up to him if there is a scary scene or a love scene.  Guys like to protect their princess.

Have fun with it.  But be safe.

cya,

Josefa

Hi there!

Ok, so I might the wrong person to comment on this as I like women and have only been chatted up by guys as a boy, but it seems to me that there's something that everyone has missed.

When has a man ever needed extra encouragement to make their feelings clear?

I remember finding myself in the company of a friend of my brothers, and he'd be paying me SOOO many compliments that evening, I should have realised his angle earlier, but it was kind of obvious in retrospect. He tried showing me his dick at several points during the evening as a dare, and when he needed help moving something in his apartment, I went back with him to help him out because I still hadn't noticed what was going on. Then he suggested we kiss just to see if we liked it. We didn't kiss. I made it clear he wasn't my type, and I've kissed boys before and wasn't really in to it (well, I am if they look and behave like girls, but you know, that's not a surprise to me).

Anyway, so I come back to my original point. Most boys can't keep it in their shorts. As long as you're as friendly as you normally are, then it will happen if he's in to you. Of course, I remember being a teenager and feeling a little shy about such things, but when push came to shove, if I was interested, I would make some move.

So yeah, be friendly. Be nice. Flirt if you can. But you don't need to throw yourself at him. If he wants it, he'll pretty much try to take it when he can no longer hold his hormones back...

Just my 2p worth...

Orielle
x

Lol the good old facets of the good old game ...

its like a game or ritual, step by step :

- initiating contact, for example eye contact, then talking
- getting to know each other
- having body contact, like touching, later holding hands
- making hints and getting closer, roles of pursuit may change a few times
- taking it one step further eventually

You might spend some time with him, and see what you have in common.
You might initiate body contact, like touching his forearm, and signaling you like it if he touches you.
Like not reacting upset if his leg touches yours while sitting on a couch.
Wearing some clothing that craves to be touched could help ... very soft fabrics ... which people like to touch ...
it does not need to be pricey, just knowing and making choices that way could help ...

making some hints then ... from you or from them ...
otherwise it stays in the friendzione.

Then seeing where it takes you ...

Lol its an old game, and you are not the only one starting at this age. There are many cis people who also start if their personalities are a bit more developed.
Have fun, and enjoy yourself


hugs

Tell him that you care about him, touch him gently, let him know how handsome he is. Hold his hand. Just enjoy being yourself with this man. It's OK & good for you to be attracted to a man, be glad & happy that you feel that way. Enjoy being female & hetrosexual toward a man.