Hi all,

Basic introduction: I'm a 27 year old female, and recently I've wondered how happy I am with my sex.

When I was very young I was labelled a 'tomboy.' I refused to wear dresses or skirts, and played with Action Man instead of Barbie. This was viewed as a stage I would grow out of. I didn't. In my teens I still refused to wear skirts or dresses, and felt detached from the sort of conversation girls my age were having. This has continued throughout my life; I still dislike wearing dresses, and only do so when formal occasions call for it. When I go clothes shopping I am more drawn to men's clothes than women's. I've always thought it would be far simpler if there were no distinction between the two and I could just buy clothes.

But it doesn't end there. When I look at my body in the mirror I am disappointed. I feel like my breasts shouldn't be there. I imagine myself as a guy and it seems so much....better.

So why the conflict? When I think about all of this, I am terrified. I don't know how to take it. I feel like, if it was nothing, I wouldn't think of it, yet if I was convinced, I wouldn't be scared. I'm fairly certain my mum wouldn't mind; I mentioned to her 6 years ago I'd thought about it before. Yet I think my girlfriend would mind; she's a lesbian, and I don't imagine talk of me wanting me to be a guy would go down well.

I could use some advice. Does my confliction mean it's not serious? Do I need to talk about this with a professional? I'm so confused.

Many thanks,

UCF

Well, nobody can tell you what's best for you, but I usually say that if you are confused, talk things out with a really good therapist, preferably one who specializes in gender issues.

You might be wondering whether this sort of late-onset dissatisfaction means that you are really female and not trans. People might try to tell you that if you haven't "felt male" since your first memories, you can't be trans. That's not true; you can be a "late bloomer." We all figure things out in our own time. But if you aren't sure, you might want to see a professional.

You might also experiment with your presentation--hair, clothes, binding, packing, whatever you are interested in.

By the way, I see that this post is your first. Please do post an introduction in the Introductions section, and read up on the site rules if you haven't already. Welcome to the site!

Welcome to Susan's Place. A gender therapist would be a big help in understanding yourself. As we don't have one handy right now, I will give you the basics. I was transexual, the one you hear the most about who was unhappy with my birth gender and had it surgically changed a long time ago. Not everybody feels they need to go this far and may change appearances and undergo some surgeries. These are called non binary. Non binary can take many forms so if you don't feel that you are transexual, you very will could be non binary. Non binary and transexual make up the group we call transgender. In order to save myself a bunch of typing, I am going to give you two links. The first is our WIKI were transgender is discussed in much more detail. The second link is "the transition channel" were you will see the questions that are ask in a therapy session and you may get a better idea where you fit it. If you have additional questions, post them in this thread and I will do my best to answer them.

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It sounds like you could benefit from talking to someone, whether that's a professional or just us here. What you've said sounds pretty similar to how I felt at first, but when I get more introspective about it, I realize that there were a lot more underlying feelings that I had just never thought about or addressed until somebody told me that there was such a thing as being transgender.

Transition is pretty overwhelming. That was part of why I didn't transition for so long. It seemed like a lot, and I didn't have any money, and I didn't want to lose my family or friends. But it helps to just take everything one day at a time. Some people transition quickly, some people take their time. It's all about figuring out what is best for you.

And don't worry about your girlfriend. Mine stuck with me after I came out, and when we broke up, it was for reasons not related to transition. IME, female partners of transmen usually don't have a lot of issues with it unless they are proponents of a very particular brand of feminism.

Thanks for the intro, Dena. I was hunting through my stuff to find my own intro message, which is now sadly out of date . . .