I really do not now know where to start; there times when I look at my self and hate my body and times when I'm indifferent. I see a awesome dress and hate myself for being in this body, then be alright with it.

I'm so lost.

Welcome to Susan's Place. Without more to go on it's hard to know where to start but I have a solution. I have two links that may help you come up with some questions. The first is our WIKI where you will learn the meaning of transgender and the more common terms. The second is "the transition channel" that will walk you through a therapy session and you might get a better feel for yourself. After you have reviewed the links, feel free to return here and post any questions on this thread and I will do my best to answer them.

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Hi Trish 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you for the welcome. I'm (HFA) high function autistic, so I have trouble communicating my self.

Hi Trishme. Welcome to the site. Dena has given you some good advice. Hope you find what you are looking for.

With warmth,

Joanna

I'm not Sick
   
   My struggle with my gender is not new or unique.
I have struggled whether to keep this to myself or put it out here. (I apologize for grammar, spelling, and bad at writing)

When I was in middle school (6-8) I noticed I was jealous of the girls growing breasts. Me at the time  tried to put it in back of my mind and tried to be the puberty macho guy. It was also the time I started stealing and wearing my sisters clothes. It made me feel great and right with myself; then..

    I got caught when my mom was cleaning and found the clothes. They took me into the kitchen and told me to explain. They called me sick and a deviant. I ran into my room and cried. At this time I didn't know what TG,TS,CS, or anything. After a lot of hard times and lots of drugs in my teen years I met a trans girl that showed me ( not in my mind at the time) that it is okay.

(many years later)

   Over the years looking down on my body and hating myself, I need to honest with myself. When I'm honest with my family will come later. I started to where girls clothes again (In private for now) It is not about wearing the clothes,  but feeling as I am

There is not one way to be a girl or a guy, but I'm a Girl!!!! and I'm not sick,but still feel alone.

You are not sick. This happens to us before we are born and it can't be changed. We discover it at different ages. Some know as early as 3 years old, I discovered it at 13 and others as late as 50 or 60.

The only treatment that works is to change your life in a way that you become comfortable. Some people are comfortable cross dressing once in a while. Others may live as a woman without surgery. Still others need to live as a woman and have surgery. I am a member of the last group and I had my surgery 33 years ago. At no point did any doctor consider me sick but they understood what I needed to be happy with myself.

If you continue  to read the introductions, you will discover that many of us have stories much like your and you aren't alone on this site. We will help you with any questions you might have but you will have to tell us what will make you happy.

I know I am not alone, but in my everyday life I often fell that way. Just need a place to be me for now. Don't have the resources for counseling and/or HRT right now, but it is great just to show my heart here.

Also being autistic my brain works of bit differently so it also lonely.

I don't know where you live but there may be a LGBTQ group located near you where you can meet with others like you. They might be able to give you help with your appearance as well as help you go in public as a woman. For me, living as a woman before surgery greatly reduced the discomfort I felt with myself.

Hi Trishme and welcome to Susan's.

Hi, Trishme!   You're not sick, and you're not alone.  There are many thousands of us with very similar experiences, and we are everywhere.  Try to track down a support group in your area, and meet some of us.

It gets better.

Quote from: Trishme on May 07, 2016, 09:50:25 PM
I'm not Sick
   
   My struggle with my gender is not new or unique.
I have struggled whether to keep this to myself or put it out here. (I apologize for grammar, spelling, and bad at writing)

When I was in middle school (6-8) I noticed I was jealous of the girls growing breasts. Me at the time  tried to put it in back of my mind and tried to be the puberty macho guy. It was also the time I started stealing and wearing my sisters clothes. It made me feel great and right with myself; then..

    I got caught when my mom was cleaning and found the clothes. They took me into the kitchen and told me to explain. They called me sick and a deviant. I ran into my room and cried. At this time I didn't know what TG,TS,CS, or anything. After a lot of hard times and lots of drugs in my teen years I met a trans girl that showed me ( not in my mind at the time) that it is okay.

(many years later)

   Over the years looking down on my body and hating myself, I need to honest with myself. When I'm honest with my family will come later. I started to where girls clothes again (In private for now) It is not about wearing the clothes,  but feeling as I am

There is not one way to be a girl or a guy, but I'm a Girl!!!! and I'm not sick,but still feel alone.

Hello, welcome
you're definitely not alone!
Sometimes even when we know others are around us and supportive the feeling of loneliness still trys to take over. But you're never alone and never will be alone.
You're already very brave for doing what you feel comfortable doing even if it's when you're alone or inside your room. I remember for me my parents had also  said some really mean things when I was growing up. I don't know if it helps but i guess all i can say is
it's good that you know your not sick and its good that you're reaching out people have always told me that and i feel its so true it is brave. Maybe in a way let your reaching out and talking to others here be a reminder you're not alone?