I have a bunch of anxiety tonight i'm thinking about a lot of problems
but one thing that iv'e been thinking about is moving into a apartment my grandparents own and are giving me a deal on so i'm taking it because there won't be anything better. And i'm really nervous my social anxiety is bad and there wanting me to talk with people if i move into the apartment and i don't want to talk to strangers. It freaks me out even more because my grandparents think i'll say i'm a female and i won't so i'm basically being forced out.
And i think okay no big deal i have to do it sometime. And then i'm like living outside in society oh god, i haven't even got the guts to walk up my own street alone without thinking something will happen. My social anxiety is server it basically takes over my life as i may have said before i don't know. So i'm waiting for a game to download so i can get my mind of the thought of walking on a street and being hurt, heck i even jump to the sounds of a car starting up or a dog barking and i'm going to be living alone which i'm needing and wanting in my life but its still scary. But then downloading this game in the back of my mind i'm thinking just ignoring my problem isn't going to solve my anxiety. I don't even know how to say more then hi to a person without looking completely strange.
Iv'e grown up with people telling me just say hi how are you i'm so and so but that never goes anywhere and after thats done i'm left staring aimlessly at the stranger and then wanting to lock the door behind me and never be seen outside again. I'm very shy outside of the internet also and even introverted. I understand there isn't much people can do for me but help give tips on how to be distracted. And i'm creating a distraction once this game downloads
however i had to vent i don't like holding my anxiety in it never helps me and writing it out makes it easier.
I wish i new how to say hi to a person but i always end up messing it up or i'm to blunt.....which has helped me get along with teachers but never students for some reason that's just a example. I'm thinking about my mistakes and people iv'e lost in my life and how bad i'm probably looking to others heck, i wouldn't doubt i look like a big jerk.
Or someone who is low empathy, but that isn't true i'm just different and i don't always get words out how i want them to sound. I'm actually overly empathetic and extremely sensitive and emotional and really long to have someone outside of the internet to be friends with someday in the future. Heck i haven't had friends sense 5th grade and i should be in collage now if it wasn't for me being a drop out due to learning disability's and bad school systems around my area. I'm so shy i've had girls come up to me wanting to talk and i did want to talk maybe not at that time but i did want to talk and make friends instead i just sunk down in the car beside the drivers seat and hid my face. I probably made this sound like i am wanting to be social and also not wanting to...but its actually just anxiety and depends on the people.

First know that its not your fault and many transgender people have this.

You likely felt from an early age on something was wrong with you.

First you felt who you really are.
Then someone came along and told you you have to be a girl.
You didn't want to disappoint them, tried to see what they unconsciously expected and tried to adapt.
So there may be this feeling inside of you something is wrong and you need to hide.

Its possible you show other people a mask, and are afraid they could find out its not really you.

I'd suggest:
-relax. You do not have to adapt. People will like you just as you are. You are completely ok.
-if you are sensitive you should feel inside who you really are. Dare to show it, more and more. It will set you free.
Most people will be accepting and see its the real you. Those who are not you can avoid or just be persistent with them.

- You can train this. Nobody will do you any harm, its all normal people. Just go out, feel yourself, be friendly and people will react likewise. Over time you will come more and more into who you really are.

Just go out, enjoy yourself, feel yourself.

You can also train to talk to people slowly.
Saying hi to the cashier ... she probably will smile and say hi too.
Then as next step you can make a few small remarks ... if its late saying you wish her a nice evening, and its not much longer until she has off ... she probably will laugh and say she looks forward to it ...

later making small remarks about things you see ... just talking to people ...
its not difficult, just be yourself, and over time it can be fun.

Concerning your grandparents it might be an idea to come out...
maybe your therapist could help you, and here are a few materials :
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638

And some people come out in a letter, and show some materials later ...


hugs

Quote from: Laura_7 on May 09, 2016, 04:34:08 AM
First know that its not your fault and many transgender people have this.

You likely felt from an early age on something was wrong with you.

First you felt who you really are.
Then someone came along and told you you have to be a girl.
You didn't want to disappoint them, tried to see what they unconsciously expected and tried to adapt.
So there may be this feeling inside of you something is wrong and you need to hide.

Its possible you show other people a mask, and are afraid they could find out its not really you.

I'd suggest:
-relax. You do not have to adapt. People will like you just as you are. You are completely ok.
-if you are sensitive you should feel inside who you really are. Dare to show it, more and more. It will set you free.
Most people will be accepting and see its the real you. Those who are not you can avoid or just be persistent with them.

- You can train this. Nobody will do you any harm, its all normal people. Just go out, feel yourself, be friendly and people will react likewise. Over time you will come more and more into who you really are.

Just go out, enjoy yourself, feel yourself.

You can also train to talk to people slowly.
Saying hi to the cashier ... she probably will smile and say hi too.
Then as next step you can make a few small remarks ... if its late saying you wish her a nice evening, and its not much longer until she has off ... she probably will laugh and say she looks forward to it ...

later making small remarks about things you see ... just talking to people ...
its not difficult, just be yourself, and over time it can be fun.

Concerning your grandparents it might be an idea to come out...
maybe your therapist could help you, and here are a few materials :
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638

And some people come out in a letter, and show some materials later ...


hugs

I'll reply more later but let me correct really quickly because i didnt make it that clear its not my grandparents i need to come out to they know. its the strangers that live in that building its all bull to be honest.

Quote from: Midnightstar on May 09, 2016, 04:39:36 AM
I'll reply more later but let me correct really quickly because i didnt make it that clear its not my grandparents i need to come out to they know. its the strangers that live in that building its all bull to be honest.

Imo its the same with them.

Try to be yourself.

Just say hi and be who you are.
Maybe you can have an androgynous look in the beginning, changing more to who you are later.

Do you think it is necessary to come out right from the start ?


hugs

I don't know if you would have to come out to all of your neighbours. Maybe it's different where you are but I don't know any of my neighbours, particularly when i lived in flats instead of detached house. If i passed someone in the hallway we said hi - but i never even learned any of their names. It's nice to know your neighbours, but you don't have to be friends with them unless you feel safe doing so - it won't seem strange to keep yourself to yourself.

I have some social anxiety too, though not as severe as yours - one thing i've learned is that very few people are truly confident. Everyone has those same worried thoughts, but I think some people are just better at ignoring them than others. Probably half the people in the building are introverts avoiding talking to people too

You could just take it one step at a time - take the apartment and get used to living on your own before you make moves to start inviting the neighbours round. You could maybe plan on only living there for a set amount of time to see how it goes.