When I was around 8, started wearing Moms Clothes.
Played with my sisters dolls. (even thou I did play with "Boy" Stuff too).
Loved to play "House".

(TRIGGER WARNING)





Early on I never really thought about wanting my Privates "gone", but as time went on I wanted to have Girl parts.
And it got worse and worse the more I grew up seeing beautiful Girls/Woman and knowing I could not do anything about it. (In that point in time)

At age +/- 6 I asked my mother if I was supposed to be a girl.  Her reaction let me know to never say that again.  45+ years later I ignored her advice. 

Let's see..

Even though I never fit the trans stereotype of knowing or suspecting since such a young age, there were a few stereotypically "girls" things like:

-  I remember enjoying watching that old TV show Braceface (not only was I a boy watching that, but the show was also geared to teens, and I was 10-11 years old, geesh  )

-  Recently I was getting into womens/girls music (Alanis Morissette, Meredith Brooks, The Murmurs (Leisha Hailey/Heather Grody) etc. )

-  When I was a little younger, I obsessed with the thought that girls were better or superior to boys. This obsessive pattern continued no later than into my early teen years. Hey, I didn't even suspect I was having actual transgender thoughts until a year ago.

Just for the sake of discussion, I want your feedback. Crazy.

Quote from: redhot1 on May 09, 2016, 04:35:44 PM
Let's see..

Even though I never fit the trans stereotype of knowing or suspecting since such a young age, there were a few stereotypically "girls" things like:

-  I remember enjoying watching that old TV show Braceface (not only was I a boy watching that, but the show was also geared to teens, and I was 10-11 years old, geesh  )

-  Recently I was getting into womens/girls music (Alanis Morissette, Meredith Brooks, The Murmurs (Leisha Hailey/Heather Grody) etc. )

-  When I was a little younger, I obsessed with the thought that girls were better or superior to boys. This obsessive pattern continued no later than into my early teen years. Hey, I didn't even suspect I was having actual transgender thoughts until a year ago.

Just for the sake of discussion, I want your feedback. Crazy.

Isn't it interesting how that happens? The more I think about this, the more little things pop out.

- Being interested in what my name would have been if I was borne female. Amanda or Kelsey. My mom had no issues answering this.
- Fantasizing about being pregnant (or female in general), like when I was little, 6 7 years-old
- Got along really well with my younger sisters to the point where I was "accepted into the fold".
- My closest friends were girls throught Jr. High and High School
- Naturally pulled my socks up, like hosiery. No one seemed to complain when I did it, but if anyone else did...

My mother told me when i was a child that she expected me to be a girl, that she had even chosen a name
for me, Anna.  i remember i said something like, maybe i was meant to be a girl and got an angry look.

i didn't play with dolls or dress and obsessed about living up to my fathers standards so i guess i was in
denial from early on.  As a teen i had girl friends that were only friends and i cherished that.  Some of them
were lesbians and one of them used to sleep with me in the same bed and we would cuddle.  She said she
would never do that with a man and laughed when i became quizzical.  She saw it alright, but i didn't.
Thanks for this topic, it's gotten me thinking.

Preferring to hang out with male friends (could just be circumstantial, the main female friend I had was disturbed and ultimately went a bit nuts, others were erratic too)

Wanting to work out, be fit and do martial arts as a kid, wanted muscles, wanted to be able to take care of myself

No interest in clothes shopping, make up, hair etc.

Loving robots, dinosaurs, model kits and generally being creeped out by dolls, always running right past the "pink section" of the toy store for the green, black and neon orange section

Being angry if other kids asked me out, no interest in dating or being someone's girlfriend

Being physically hostile and threatening when cornered by creepos; didn't feel I could rely on anyone else to save me, just wanted to be violent to these sneaky little wasters because this was what they obviously got off on doing to solitary women.

Could not imagine myself in a relationship with another person, sex in general didn't interest me, although I did feel some kind of attraction to certain people I didn't want to to go ahead and do anything with them

Engaged in a lot of silly, risky, dumb behavior like climbing buildings and messing around inside derelict ones, jumping on the backs of feral horses to ride them, etc.

I remember in school one day I just turned up in black jeans instead of the skirt thing. Nobody seemed to care and I did it for the rest of my time there. Skirts felt awful

Didn't like wearing clothes that showed body shape, esp. chest

I guess all my personally-chosen role models as a kid were males. Couldn't aspire to female ones really

Never asked for help with things. If it was something heavy, I'd figure a way to get it moved by myself. If it was something I didn't know how to do, I'd go find out how to do it

Played outdoors almost every day, constantly exploring the neighborhood places I could go and also places I was not supposed to go. Also used to wander around at night too, had no fear really

Hating seeing myself in photographs

Not 'really' looking at myself in the mirror, only superficially, and not for long

Hating the feel of my own skin, wearing clothes to bed so as not to feel it, especially hating chest, tying it down and disguising it

Guilt for sexual feelings

Hating myself in general, being awkward around other kids, not sure what was supposed to say to them, how to act, etc.

Anger issues, which I turned in on myself and forced myself into various self-improvement regimes, all destined to fail because they didn't locate the real problem

Knew I was different. At first was a problem, but later decided I didn't need to be like the others, and was quite happy being "my own species"

One Time I remember painting my toenails as a child and took it off quickly and my mum was like what's that smell and I just said I don't know...

I obviously now realise she knew 100% what it was but didn't say anything.

Remember lots of times putting on lipstick while going for a bath or shower then taking it off before leaving haha.

And I remember quite alot while lying in bed imagining I was strapped to a machine that turned me into a girl. Was so amazing omg! Really wish there was such machine though...

1. When I was little I drew myself as a boy in a family drawing.
2. Would wish to wake up as a boy.
3.  Put things in my pant
and pretended to have a penis.
4.  Got my hair cut super short and my Godfather said he didn't like it because it made look like a boy which made me happy.
5.  Practiced and figured out how to pee standing up.

After puberty, i stopped doing most of the above and tried to be girly but hated it so I stuck with presenting as somewhere in the middle.

Sent from my SM-S902L using Tapatalk

I never thought of myself as trans until a few years ago, but when I look back (keep in mind we're talking about the 1950's and early 1960's in a rather backward part of the USA):

I basically never fit in with the boys.  They called me "queer" (back then, trans, gay, etc., were all lumped together.)  I think because of things like:
*  I wasn't athletic
*  I hated fighting, roughhousing, etc.
*  I wasn't competitive.  I didn't like dominating people.
*  I took piano lessons.  Not OK for a boy then.
*  I'm not "tough."  I was sensitive and cried easily, at least until I killed off that part of me.  To this day, I find men and masculine boys intimidating.

I don't think this exactly meant I was somehow a girl inside, but then I still don't feel like I'm a woman inside.  Inside myself, I'm just me, with no gender.  Gender comes from society, a society that always wanted to turn me into somebody and something I wasn't so why should I adopt their mishegoss?

I've always identified with women.  I can identify with men only in those aspects that aren't gendered.  E.g., the way guys (especially male authors) will go on about their masculinity or their ability to "get it up" is just alien to me.  (However, I've never identified as a woman.)

One other thing: stories about boys being turned into girls -- like Tip being turned (back) into Ozma -- scared the @#$% out of me.  I suspect that I must have had some fear that in some secret place I didn't want anyone to see (including me!), maybe I was a girl, the way Tip always was Ozma, only nobody knew it.

I don't know, for me looking back I can't really remember too many signs, I think my main issue is that I was so shy that I became too afraid to do anything. But there are some pretty obvious ones I think.

- Around ages 5 to about 9 I started to pretend to be a girl, dressing up in whatever I related to be female, I also would pretend to be pregnant...

- After finally learning that there is in fact, a difference between male parts and female parts, I started to wish every night that I would wake up as a girl.

- Although I had the chance to, I never did paint my nails or wear makeup, however, I do recall my mom catching me with some of her clothes in my room... of course she confronted me when my siblings were withing hearing distance.

- I preferred to play with my female friends over my male friends, even to the point of feeling extremely uncomfortable around my male friends but feeling fine around my female friends.

Not much else I can really think of, like I said, was really shy as a child and even as a teen, finally starting to get over it now that I am in college.

At age three my sister renamed me Tessa and I became her new sister.   My brother informed me that if I kept that up I would become a girl.  Since no one talked about sexuality in the 50s I assumed I was already a girl and my big change would come with that mysterious change thing we whispered about known as puberty.  I had an innate sense that surely I would grow up to be a mom and have babies.  When my brother was proven wrong and my wrong way puberty reared it's head I was simply crushed.  I asked my mom why they had attached my genitals and, like so many others here, got the slap down that informed me this was never to be discussed.  I became a cynical 8th grade kid and resigned myself to surviving the daily traumas and making the best of it.  I joined the army at 17 because that was the "proven" way to manhood and heroism...what a laugh.  Sadly people still think that way.

I had many of the gender role flips others note.  I was considered a sissy who like to read, bake cookies, take care of my baby bothers and sisters and crochet.  When any sort of ball would come my way I reasonably ducked and was laughed out of school sports.  I can only smile and feel life is so much better now that people have greater access to information and support.

As survivors we can look at the growing sociological understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE).  Our higher ACE score is now known to come with commensurate levels of health problems and even a shortened life span.          Change is good!

-I was always a lot like my brother and wanted to do all the things he did, but not because I wanted to emulate him. For example, we both wanted to play with Creepy Crawlers and learn how to wrestle. Beyond that, the similarities between me and my brother are striking.
-My mom was convinced I was going to grow up to be a lesbian from the time I was a small child. I guess even at that age I was giving off some strong vibes.
-I wanted to join a baseball team and when people told me I should join a softball team instead, my reaction was basically " NO. BASEBALL. WITH THE BOYS."
-I always identified with the male protagonists in the books I read.
-When I was six, I spent months going around, telling everyone my name was Clifford.
-I never understood "girly girl" stuff I saw in my classmates and was always deeply uncomfortable with trying to be one. When I tried to act like that, I failed so miserably everyone thought I was weird.
-Kinda stereotypical, but I felt pretty uncomfortable in dresses. I tried really damn hard to feel comfortable in them, but for most of my childhood, dresses and skirts were a rarity and when I tried to wear them, I felt self-conscious.
-My mom tried to get me to wear makeup. That lasted all of a couple months in the 7th grade and then I didn't pick it back up again all through middle school and high school.
-In my Freshman year of high school, I started out the first week of school in a dance class. The very next week, I'd switched over to the wrestling class.

Honestly, I'm surprised no one noticed sooner. I didn't start actively expressing a desire to be a boy until puberty and I didn't realize what that meant until later, though. And some of my more feminine interests and overall bookishness probably colluded the whole deal.

I was always effeminate, but nothing really stood out to me.

Quote from: lorble on May 14, 2016, 03:24:52 AM
-I was always a lot like my brother and wanted to do all the things he did, but not because I wanted to emulate him. For example, we both wanted to play with Creepy Crawlers and learn how to wrestle. Beyond that, the similarities between me and my brother are striking.
-My mom was convinced I was going to grow up to be a lesbian from the time I was a small child. I guess even at that age I was giving off some strong vibes.
-I wanted to join a baseball team and when people told me I should join a softball team instead, my reaction was basically " NO. BASEBALL. WITH THE BOYS."
-I always identified with the male protagonists in the books I read.
-When I was six, I spent months going around, telling everyone my name was Clifford.
-I never understood "girly girl" stuff I saw in my classmates and was always deeply uncomfortable with trying to be one. When I tried to act like that, I failed so miserably everyone thought I was weird.
-Kinda stereotypical, but I felt pretty uncomfortable in dresses. I tried really damn hard to feel comfortable in them, but for most of my childhood, dresses and skirts were a rarity and when I tried to wear them, I felt self-conscious.
-My mom tried to get me to wear makeup. That lasted all of a couple months in the 7th grade and then I didn't pick it back up again all through middle school and high school.
-In my Freshman year of high school, I started out the first week of school in a dance class. The very next week, I'd switched over to the wrestling class.

Honestly, I'm surprised no one noticed sooner. I didn't start actively expressing a desire to be a boy until puberty and I didn't realize what that meant until later, though. And some of my more feminine interests and overall bookishness probably colluded the whole deal.

Lorble,

Welcome to the site. I noticed you have gotten around but not posted anything of your own. However, I wanted to welcome you and share some links we try to pass along to newly posting members. They have welcome information and the rules of the site. If you have not read them yet, please take a moment to do so:

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Probably just normal stuff I guess, I've always had more male friends than female, and when I did have female friends they were kind of tomboyish too but they all grew out of it, while I didn't. One of my oldest friends who I've known for as long as I can remember is male and we have really similar interests, I think. I remember he was at my house once when we were about five or six and we were tracing dinosaurs out of my books xD
I tried to pee standing up once when I was a bit younger than that and failed miserably, much to my dismay. I've always hated feminine clothes as well, I haven't worn a dress since I was forced to for a wedding about ten years ago, I'd have been around that age still; five or six. I've never really been one to throw tantrums, so I think I probably wore it out of politeness more than anything else, all I know is I hated every moment in that blasted thing. q:

I'm laughing at how my computing class was sorted at school for the year that's almost done, everyone but me in that class is "male" and I think the only reason I'm in that class is so there's at least some degree of gender diversity... But little do they know xD

I was very young and didn't know the difference between boys and girls. I knew that I wanted to grow up to be a mommy and not a daddy. That wish became a girl as I learned the difference.

One particular traumatic time when I was about 12 or 13 my mother had bought me a jock strap
I felt devastated but did not have the courage to tell her that what I really wanted was to wear was a bra

for me I had always wanted to be a prince. I remember whenever my friends would play i would insist on being the prince, a knight, something of the like. I also didn't really have any female friends because i just couldn't relate well and i thought their sources of entertainment where kind of boring. at a very very young age I do remember asking my parents if I would ever be a boy but I think they just shrugged it off.
I also refused to shop in the girl's section of stores and take part in any sort of girly things (makeup, dressing up, etc.) because i thought if i didn't do these things I would eventually not be a girl anymore.

This I do find funny though now considering even though I am transitioning I love wearing makeup and dressing up, shopping, etc.

lastly the biggest thing I can remember is wanting my anatomy to change, although I don't think I ever mentioned to anyone at the time.

I really don't like stereotypes, but I'll play along:

1) Always wanted a barbie when I was younger. I was totally jealous of my best friend who had one, and I kept trying to play with it while he was trying to drag me over to his toy car garage.
2) Non-stop tea parties with my stuffed animals and my mom! It was particularly good because we actually had real tea
3) Always hated sports. Now I'll watch hockey, mostly in honor being Canadian, but playing sports was horrible.
4) In school I always felt like an outsider when the 'guys' were being macho or playing into that whole male dominance social dynamic.
5) I love everything with music and dance - I started playing piano when I was 9, contrabass when I was 12, taught cotillion when I was 17, thought I was going to be a concert pianist until I was about 19, went to my first opera when I was around 13, etc. My girlfriend and I went up to Pittsburgh to see Wicked and we sang the entire musical several times - I was Elpheba because I had a deeper voice, but my favorite song was always 'Popular'. It sort of became my theme song senior year in high school
6) Ever since I can remember, I've always had a fascination with long hair. At first I thought that I just liked it on other people, but gradually I realized that no, I really wanted it on myself. And not just long hair, but there were so many pretty styles that I was dying to try.
7) I've always been more... maybe 'etherial' or prone to 'transcendent' emotions?... than my male peers. And I know that is horribly ambiguous and rather conceited, so I'll explain. If my friends and I were to see a waterfall, they'd look at it and quickly get bored. I'd gaze at it in awe, and stop when I got cold, if then. I recently watched a Christopher Hitchens debate where he talked about 'transcendent' things in that sense - things that mean more to you than their simple existence. Maybe another way to describe it would be 'sensitive,' although I dislike that description because it is more commonly used to describe someone who cannot take criticism.
I guess the biggest thing is that I look back on my life and realize how many things I liked I turned away from because they weren't manly enough, and how many things I disliked that I forced myself into because it was expected from me.

Never liked playing with girls as a kid. Still don't hang out with girls. I used to get pissy if people tried to make me.
My voice, the way I dressed. Never got out of shorts and dungarees. Clothes from the boys section.
Never related to girls. Got upset after the sex talk because the girls were kept inside, and I thought it was irrelevant to me. I used to cry when trans people came on TV because I wanted to be like them, but thought only Americans could do that. I also prayed for breast cancer so i could have a mastectomy when i was little, which lasted a few years. My mom caught me crying in the mirror more than a few times.