Quote from: RitaChans on May 09, 2016, 03:59:00 PM
How many times today?

Once, but I haven't actually started, and the only alternative I see for myself is far worse.  So, transition it is!

0 i never think or question it because i already know i am me. Just me therefor there no thinking. I just think i am me so i will be me. I never made a fake personality to satisfied others around me. They thought i was odd and freaky because i wore girl cloths long before coming out.

My father never tried and force me to be different even though he a Jew. Because i was the only kid in the house that paid rent and was atheist. Now my brother and sister were forced into gender roles and he ridicule them if they step out of line. My mom could care less I'm her kid no matter what. My grandparents are more on the edge of it. I simply don't care about any of there opinion.

That why i don't question myself. I am me and if other disagree then they can go and f*** themselves because there opinions are not of my concern.

I have had those "what in the hell am I doing?" moments as well. The thoughts start creeping in that my current problems (homelessness, addiction, mental illness) are being made worse by my transition. Then I remember that I am way past the point of no return. I've been on HRT for over two years, some of the changes to my body can't be reversed, and I legally changed my name and gender marker. Soon after that, the biggest issue becomes clearer, as bad as my current situation is, it was far worse pre transition. 


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My transition was intentionally slow and step wise, but along the path I did have quite a few of those "what in the hell am I doing?" moments of fear, doubt, and sometimes panic. Only one time did I ever seriously consider stopping altogether - the day my ex got in a car and drove away from me to begin a new life.

I had two thoughts that day - stopping my transition in the hopes of getting her back was one of them and committing suicide was the other one. Luckily for me I lacked the means of easily committing suicide (that was an intentional decision I had made earlier due to my instability and impulsiveness); and stopping my transition was simply out of the question. It was the absolute worst day of my life; the bitter end of a committed 27 year marriage to my soulmate.

Instead of making one of those choices I had a good cry into my pillow and then somehow I managed to pick up the pieces and get on with my life.

I am now almost two years into my transition and there's not a day that I am questioning if what I did was worth the trouble. The only thing that bothers me is what the future holds me for me now that I am living as a woman. My life then was so predictable with a decent job. Due to this, I had to change jobs and life has never been the same.

I guess in time it will get better. For now, this is where I am.

April

I have not had a doubt that I am doing the right thing by transitioning. There may have been some doubt about starting, but once I started, there have been absolutely no thoughts of stopping or going back.

I stopped after my 2nd month for 3 months which i have now regretted, then continued till now for 3 months. Had my first "gay" sex last week dressed as a woman and will not look back now.

I knew i just had to start. It makes it more difficult to go back. Thats what i wanted. I wanted it to be too difficult to go back. Thats where i am now. I start HRT on monday. Once i put the hormones in my body, i dont think i will have doubts. Getting there is always the hard part.

I've not seriously thought about stopping since i started. For me it is a life vs death thing. A slow death is still a death and I'd rather live my remaining time on this rock as a functioning person.

I've had moments where i wished that i had never struggled with this thing, and not been the recipient of this blessing, but that is just day dreaming.

every day to be honest, but I got no choice, so I go on

I am still pretransition, but every day I stop myself and question even starting because I don't feel that losing my marriage is worth exploring the unknown of transition...