So you are in your new place now right?

Smiles,
Peggiann

I've been in my new place for five days now and I've been just loving it ! The freedom to do what ever I want is just astounding! With the seperation from my parents there is so much less stress between us now  that I find that we work so much better, without getting on each others nerves all the time. Living together and working together was really getting to be a strain.  But as for my happiness. My mother feels that at her age, I should be more concerned on her happiness than on my happiness. But yes, Melissa, I do agree with you 100% that my happiness should come first, and it will come very soon.    Now that I'm out, I'm now being able to be my true self more often and eventually I will give up my former self completely. 

Gina

Quote from: gina_taylor on February 06, 2006, 06:38:14 PM...
She won't see it my way for my happiness. Her comment towards that is for my happiness,   they (my immediate family) must suffer.
...

Quote from: gina_taylor on February 07, 2006, 04:11:00 PM...
My mother feels that at her age, I should be more concerned on her happiness than on my happiness.
...

What the...!?
Ok, maybe I am missing something but that strikes me as just total flippant and abusively wrong.

...

Actually upon reflection I'm starting to think she is trying to guilt trip you so you'll do what she wants.


Gina, have you asked her what is so hard for her to accept that you 'may' not fit within the (false) gender binary?

She is hemming and hawing for a reason and its not doing either of you any good, I think.

Hey there Gina,

Just to be a little blunt, well may be a lot blunt, but we both know your mom has been playing these games with you for far too long.  You are a grown woman, who now has a place of her own to live, a place to live her own life.  Your mom has been interfering in your life for how long?  and she is even a part of your therapy sessions.  This has to stop if there is ever going to be any hope of you transitioning, or even getting on with your life.  I would strongly recommend that you cut your losses, find another job that will provide for your needs and then tell your employer (mom) to take a hike.

Yes it's a little harsh, some may say extreme, but honestly Gina how long has this been going on?

QuoteBut as for my happiness. My mother feels that at her age, I should be more concerned on her happiness than on my happiness.

Nope, sorry Gina your mom is wrong again... It's your happiness, your life, your freedom, that is most important, not your mom's.  Of course you would always love and care for your mom in time of need, just like we all do, but you have to shed this suffocating grip your mom has on you.  Cut the apron strings, she will always be your mom, and you will always be her daughter.

I don't mean to sound nasty or unsupportive, I just feel that it needed to be said and that you needed to hear it...

Steph

Dear Dear Gina,
I have answered you before on what I thought about all this in your personal Message you sent me. I do not change anything I have stated before. Your Mother has already had the chance to live her life for her own happiness. It is your turn to live yours for your own happiness. I suggested before that you needed to be looking for a new job to meet your finacial needs. I strongly feel this still. You can have no future unimpeeded by your mother if you don't. Your Mom has no place laying down rules for you in your own home, nor how to dectorate or how to keep it cleaned and kept, just as you have no business telling her how to in her own home. Yes, if you are meeting her in her home then yes you should abide by her requests. Anywhere else you are free to be who you want to be. Even in the present work place because the letter or statement you signed was under forces. I think she would have a hard time making it stick. As was stated by Dennis. If you are trying not to rock the boat at work till you have another job the so be it, but it's because that's what you choose not what she demands. When that new job is located and in hand...bend and bow no more! Only in her home. I personally would not meet or see her there. She has the power there. Never give her back even an ounce of power over you once the job issue is settled. Be the daughter you desire to be... on your own terms...As the adult you choose to be...Love her from a distance. IF you are meeting in some place or another... even her own home and she begins to dominate you again...just get up and excuse yourself and leave. Start treating yourself as though you love yourself above all else. If you don't take care of you who is going to?

You deserve to be happy so go for it!


Smiles Lady,
Peggiann

Gina,

It's been my experience that if I look outside myself for happiness that I'm always disappointed.  So, if your mom thinks that anything you or anyone else does or not will make her happy, she's unfortunately mistaken.  True happiness is a function of accepting what is.

I hope you guys work it out between yourselves.  I don't know what I'd do without my mom's love and support but, if she were treating me the way you're being treated, I'd walk away.  Even if it's for just a little while.  Your willingness to forge ahead with your dream may just convince her that you're serious and she's risking loosing you.

Keep goin', girl!
helen

Gina,

I have to agree with Helen, Steph and Peggianne. You have got to cut the ambilical with your mother. I don't know if you have ever listened to Dr Laura and a lot of people may try to take me out and hang me for even mentioning her name; but she does talk a lot of good sense about inteferring mothers, mothers in law and generally any relative or friend who inteferes in your personal life to the point of trying to rule your life.  She would call your mothers actions emotional blackmail. I know I'ver heard her say it before in similar situations. And she will get into a rant over it.

Transexuality aside(I have no idea what her views on that are), she would tell you pretty much what the others have said. She would tell you to tell your mother "look I love you but I am a grown woman and if you want to continue this relationship, that your home is your home not hers and if she wants to visit, your rules are the only rules that count." It is your life not hers. She had her shot now it is your time. I know from listneing to her that Dr. Laura finds such attitudes as your mother's appalling and unhealthy.

If even Dr. Laura would agree with everyone here(and I'm pretty sure she would) then you can take that to the bank. I think it is essential that you find another job and further cut the ties between you and your mother. She has ruled your life far too long and as long as you work for her she will only continue to undermine and intefere in your personal growth.

As Kimberely pointed out no one can give you happiness. Happiness comes from within. It is not your responsibility to see to your mother's happiness. Your only responsibility at this point is your happiness. Seek it, live it, love it.

a quote:

Sail on Silver girl, Sail on by,
Your time has come to shine,
All your dreams are on thier way.

Simon and Garfunkle: Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Be strong. Be you.

Cassie

For songs, this one came to mind. 

I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm all right
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone
I never said you had to offer me a second chance
     I never said you had to
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
     Of circumstance
I still belong, don't get me wrong
And you can speak your mind, but not on my time

Thanks for your heartfelt and wonderful thoughts Melissa. I will bring it to  the attention of my mother and my psychiatrist very soon.

 
Yes Kimberly, my mother is very flippant, and I've ofetn thought the same way taht perhaps she's trying to give me a guilt trip. She has no more control over me now that I've move dout. Her control is lessening on me as I'm gaining my INDEPENDENCE! 

Yes I have asked her, and she;s told me that since she alreday has two daughters she tells me that she doesn't need her son to be her daughter.

Your absolutely right there Stephanie. It has been going on for a looooong time now, and it really seems to be not getting any better.

At least now things are looking better now that I've moved out and have started to build some independence for myself but finding a new job may pose a problem, but I will try.

Sometimes it's the harsh things in life that are needed t o be heard and sometimes it does hurt, but thanks Stephanie for telling me. I've been listening with deaf ears.

Thanks Peggiann for your dear and  thoughtful words. I have really taken tehm into consideration and I agree with them.I will start living my life  my way and under my terms, now  that I am on my own.  I do  deserve to be happy! 


Gina


Posted at: February 08, 2006, 03:19:18 PM

---

I've been really enjoying myself finally being able to be on my own and being able to do what I want. My place is all nicely fixed up the way that I want it now. Yes, my mom came over and she at least didn't see anything feminine lying around, so I was in the clear. But I've been really enjoying the fact that I can now wear all my feminine attire with no problem  I feel so much better when I'm able to be true too myself! 

Gina

Glad to hear it Gina,

You deserve an opportunity to be yourself and I for one am glad that you can be yourself.

Well done young lady!

Shelley

Thanks Shelley,

It really feels so invigorating to finally be myself without having to look over my shoulder to see any disapproving eyes looking at me. I can now roam around my place as the REAL me and I have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. I am definately one HAPPY girl!

Gina 

Hey Gina that's great I'm happy for you. 
Keep working at total independence from anyone who would hold you back.
You deserve to be free and I know you can do it.

Jillieann

Thanks Jillieann. Warm words of comfort really brighten my day!  Anyone that stands in my way of total independence will get a swift kick in the butt!!! Because I'm a FREE woman who's relishing in her FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE! 

Gina 


Posted at: February 21, 2006, 08:46:07 AM

---

Last night I went out to my usual TG nightclub and I met this really nice guy who couldn't stop telling me how cute I was and how proud he was of me for doing what I was doing, which was proceeding with my transition. I talked with him about things, and he surprised me with his knowledge. He actually told me that the best thing that I could do is to be castorized so that I can start feeling more like a woman, and get rid of my testostrone feelings. Hmmm, something to think about.  By the end of our conversation I found out that he's a PR person, so I hope that I don't find an article about me in a newspaper or a tabloid. LOL

Gina 

I think T-blockers do a pretty good job of knocking the testosterone feelings down where they belong.

On Friday, I went out to my usual TG nightclub and again I met another nice guy. He told me that I was very caring and when I put my nylon clad legs up on a small table he told me that that really turned him on, and he wanted to take me out for dinner the following night. I talked him into taking me for lunch and we set a time and place and we exchanged phone numbers. The following day I arrived at the restaurant and he wasn't there. So I called and was told I must have dialed the wrong number. What's a girl supposed to do? So I went shopping and forgot about the JERK!  Maybe next time I won't be so quick to take a date. I guess with freedom there's somewhat of a price to pay.

Gina 

Thanks for your concern Melissa. I guess I'll just have to screen my dates a little better in the future. But on a good note, another guy that I had met a month ago from the nightclub travelled an hour and a half to see me last Wednesday, and I saw him at the nightclub on Friday and we were excited to see each other.

Gina 

Hi Gina,
I like your new picture you looks so happy and femmin.
Looking for a SO is no small task. I'm sorry that guy hurt you.  You did the right thing. Shopping is a great way to get over it.  If I were you I'd just date some and above all enjoy your freedom.  Just play it cool.
If the right person comes along you will know it.

Jillieann

Thanks Jillieann for your warm words of support, and thanks for your heartfelt words about my new picture and the way that I look. 

Yeah, I know that looking for a SO is no small task, and I'm no spring chicken either.  But by going shopping I was able to get over it quickly and I had a good time. I stopped at Glamour Shots and an employee told me that my makeup and hair looked great, and that I probably wouldn't need any help with either if I were to schedule a shooting.      

Last week I receieved a letter from a guy from a magazine ad that I had my picture published in, and he told me that I am just the woman that he's looking for, and that he was very taken by my photo. He apparently had been involved with a full time TV for 3 years, but she left him to care for her terminally ill mother.

Gina 

Hi, Gina,
Don't worry.  Many TS's, GG's and GM's have been stood up, waiting for a date that never shows up.  I remember waiting for a guy in a Denny's for about half an hour -- it was one of the longest half hours in my life.   He was a person I'd talked with many times online.  I waited that long, thinking that he probably got stuck in L.A. traffic.  Your shopping afterwards sounds better than what I did -- I went home and sulked.  Dating has never been a favorite thing of mine and this just reinforced that feeling.  Ideally, I'd like it if people met to see if this other person might become a good friend.  Unfortunately, there's tension with both parties because, most of the time, people judge you in the first five minutes if you are either (1) someone to take to bed or (2) someone who could possibly be THE ONE mate you will spend the rest of your life together with -- not exactly a good recipe for a nice friendly date -- both issues create TENSION.

I'm a little wary of the possible next date you described:  "I receieved a letter from a guy from a magazine ad that I had my picture published in, and he told me that I am just the woman that he's looking for, and that he was very taken by my photo. He apparently had been involved with a full time TV for 3 years, but she left him to care for her terminally ill mother."

A terminally ill mother?  Hmm, could be real or it could be a story.  Please be careful.  And, of course, meet in public spaces.  Good luck with everything.  Sounds like you're, for the most part, enjoying your independence.

Hugs, Teri

Thanks Teri,

Getting stood up does take the joy out of a first date, but I'm not going to let that discourage me. I'll just have to be a little more careful next time and really evaluate the situation a little better next time and see what he really wants.

Now as for this guy who wrote to me, I'm really taking my time with him and I'm listening to everything that he tells me and I'm reading between the lines with him so that nothing is misunderstood. I'd hate to make a bad decision.  But yes, I am very much enjoying my independence and freedom. It really feels so wonderful to finally be able to be the real ME! 

Gina 


Posted at: March 18, 2006, 05:34:33 PM

---

I've been really enjoying my independence, but I just learned today that I was more or less forced to live on my own, because my parents could no longer tolerate my lifestyle. My mom tells me that she is EMBARASSED by me, because of what I am.  She even tells me that God will look past it, because it's not of my own doing.  But overall, everything is working out well, and I can do everything and anything without consenting with them. 

Gina