I have a family reunion coming up sometime in July for my nan's birthday (the exact date hasn't been set yet). I sent emails to everyone months again saying I've changed my name; have just started T and saying I'll answer any questions they may have. So far I've had nothing back apart from one aunt who lives in Australia  (who also will be coming to the reunion along with my uncle and my cousins) and she has no problem with it. She's kind of the hippy free spirit type. I guess you could say I've always been the awkward strange one of the family who doesn't quite fit; so I'm not sure if they can get their mind around it or not. Plus they're the upper middle class type. Very conformist. I'm the only queer in the family. The last time I've seen my family who live in the UK was 2 years ago at my cousins wedding;  in which I had medium length hair; a masculine short sleeved shirt on and trousers with black shoes. So it shouldn't be too awkward seeing me in full 'guy mode' at the reunion. I don't think I've seen my family from Australia in 4 years or so; so it's gonna be a bit more awkward.

I'll be 8 months on T in July so I'm not sure if they'll recognise me (which is going to be quite funny  ). I don't care if they misgender me because I'm not close to them anyway. Not sure how my nan will take it. She has bad memory problems and doesn't understand things too well; so there's no way of telling her.

So yeah; it's going to be an interesting experience to say the least. Anyone have had a similar experience? What were your feelings? What was it like?

Thanks

I'm not in the same situation as you're describing, that said...whenever I've met a family member for the first time as Grace I just dressed my nicest and was as natural and as confident as I could be. By the time I got around to meeting most of them I had been living full time for so long it was just second nature anyway. If they persisted in using my old name or pronouns it was them that looked like idiots for using a male name to address a woman. I feel like the first time being in a public setting makes it a bit easier and will feel more natural than an exclusively private indoors type situation.

For your reunion I'd suggest you plan an escape route if you encounter resistance or massively insulting ignorance, it's not up to you to defend yourself or to educate them, especially in that kind of setting. If you have a family member who is a strong supporter let them know if things go pear shaped. Hopefully everything will work out great!

Quote from: Elis on May 14, 2016, 10:09:59 AM
I have a family reunion coming up sometime in July for my nan's birthday (the exact date hasn't been set yet). I sent emails to everyone months again saying I've changed my name; have just started T and saying I'll answer any questions they may have. So far I've had nothing back apart from one aunt who lives in Australia  (who also will be coming to the reunion along with my uncle and my cousins) and she has no problem with it. She's kind of the hippy free spirit type. I guess you could say I've always been the awkward strange one of the family who doesn't quite fit; so I'm not sure if they can get their mind around it or not. Plus they're the upper middle class type. Very conformist. I'm the only queer in the family. The last time I've seen my family who live in the UK was 2 years ago at my cousins wedding;  in which I had medium length hair; a masculine short sleeved shirt on and trousers with black shoes. So it shouldn't be too awkward seeing me in full 'guy mode' at the reunion. I don't think I've seen my family from Australia in 4 years or so; so it's gonna be a bit more awkward.

I'll be 8 months on T in July so I'm not sure if they'll recognise me (which is going to be quite funny  ). I don't care if they misgender me because I'm not close to them anyway. Not sure how my nan will take it. She has bad memory problems and doesn't understand things too well; so there's no way of telling her.

So yeah; it's going to be an interesting experience to say the least. Anyone have had a similar experience? What were your feelings? What was it like?

Thanks

Well, you a hellavulot braver than me for taking huge steps to be yourself, whenever and where ever and at the same time be so open about it. I have avoided funerals and things of that nature because of my fear of coming out. It's not so much a fear of coming out, but a fear of the reaction I could very well get. I did actually come out to my dad and a sister, both of whom were the least understanding.

I think my sister, though, really wants to but this concept of being a man in a woman's body is so far beyond her comprehension, I guess. But she tried alot more in comparison to my dad who is in absolute denial and has been for a year. So sometimes I forgot that I even came out to the guy. I am dreading this coming monday because he is supposed to go to a therapist appointment with me to be educated on what being trans really means.

Anyways, I hope your family reunion works out fabulously for you!

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 14, 2016, 06:31:00 PM
I'm not in the same situation as you're describing, that said...whenever I've met a family member for the first time as Grace I just dressed my nicest and was as natural and as confident as I could be. By the time I got around to meeting most of them I had been living full time for so long it was just second nature anyway. If they persisted in using my old name or pronouns it was them that looked like idiots for using a male name to address a woman. I feel like the first time being in a public setting makes it a bit easier and will feel more natural than an exclusively private indoors type situation.

For your reunion I'd suggest you plan an escape route if you encounter resistance or massively insulting ignorance, it's not up to you to defend yourself or to educate them, especially in that kind of setting. If you have a family member who is a strong supporter let them know if things go pear shaped. Hopefully everything will work out great!

Thanks . I'm so used to being myself now that I don't really feel self conscious anymore; but it'll be the first time I won't act uncomfortable in front of them because I have to pretend I'm female. And yeah I agree with them looking like idiots thing. It's getting to that stage now I'm 6 months on T and more or less look pretty much like a guy. I find it ridiculous that my brother still deadname me and does so in front of his friends; because it embarrasses him not me as I clearly do not look female anymore

I'm sort of nervous if they're going to ask me awkward questions or ignore the elephant in the room like my dad and brother do :/. Hopefully my one supportive aunt will be there to defend me like you said

Quote from: King Phoenix on May 14, 2016, 07:35:13 PM
Well, you a hellavulot braver than me for taking huge steps to be yourself, whenever and where ever and at the same time be so open about it. I have avoided funerals and things of that nature because of my fear of coming out. It's not so much a fear of coming out, but a fear of the reaction I could very well get. I did actually come out to my dad and a sister, both of whom were the least understanding.

I think my sister, though, really wants to but this concept of being a man in a woman's body is so far beyond her comprehension, I guess. But she tried alot more in comparison to my dad who is in absolute denial and has been for a year. So sometimes I forgot that I even came out to the guy. I am dreading this coming monday because he is supposed to go to a therapist appointment with me to be educated on what being trans really means.

Anyways, I hope your family reunion works out fabulously for you!

I don't really have much of a choice seeing as it's my nan's birthday; so I kind of have to go and not like I can avoid my family forever . I'm so used to having a negative reaction from coming out as trans that I'm used to it and don't let it bother me anymore.

Your sister sounds the same as my brother. I don't think he misgenders me to be nasty; he's just rather ignorant on how that makes me feel; yet agrees with me on the science behind what makes people trans. I guess it's hard for our siblings because they're so used to having a sister that they don't know how to be around someone who's now they're brother. Even though we've never really acted like that person's sister to begin with. Anyway; my dad was the same way and now seems to be making an effort. It's absolutely amazing that your dad is going to your therapy appointment . How on earth did you manage that. My dad didn't want go to my therapy appointments. So you're in a lucky position. I hope it goes well for you

Thank you

Quote from: Elis on May 15, 2016, 04:51:08 AM
I don't really have much of a choice seeing as it's my nan's birthday; so I kind of have to go and not like I can avoid my family forever . I'm so used to having a negative reaction from coming out as trans that I'm used to it and don't let it bother me anymore.

Your sister sounds the same as my brother. I don't think he misgenders me to be nasty; he's just rather ignorant on how that makes me feel; yet agrees with me on the science behind what makes people trans. I guess it's hard for our siblings because they're so used to having a sister that they don't know how to be around someone who's now they're brother. Even though we've never really acted like that person's sister to begin with. Anyway; my dad was the same way and now seems to be making an effort. It's absolutely amazing that your dad is going to your therapy appointment . How on earth did you manage that. My dad didn't want go to my therapy appointments. So you're in a lucky position. I hope it goes well for you

Thank you

I suppose we all have our own personal short-comings when it comes to our family's perception of our trans identity. To answer your question, I suggested to my dad that he goes to therapy with me when I came out and told him I want to be referred to as male.

He immediately threatened to remove me from his house and because I didn't want to be homeless, I quickly rebutted with an offer for him to go to therapy for learning what this really is. If my dad hears info from a professional, he is least likely to feel upset and want to kick me out. He also knows I am going to school online and knows that if he kicked me out, that would mess it up. He wants what's best for me but doesn't express that very well.

I guess that is one plus to my situation.

Anyways, I really do hope that your brother comes around one day and accepts you as his brother. People need to learn that addressing a trans person by their preferred pronouns doesn't mean they agree with their identity, it means they respect that trans person. But yeah, I think like your brother, lots of people do mean to respect you but are ignorant and confused and not so much disrespectful. My own brother is the same way.

Let us know how your family reunion goes.