Hi all,
So my name is Kayla and.........yeah super nervous so um hi I guess?

I'm really horrible at introductions so yeah. I've had a hard time with finding myself and have been through three name changes thus far and with recent events I've decided to return to my original name which I loved: Kayla. Up until recently I was unable to explore my feelings even though I've felt this way since I was 12 and am 19 now. I'm a woman. I know this for certain. My problem is that I have no idea how to live as a woman whatsoever.
I come from a very nonsupportive family who raised me to conform to others no matter what. I have severe confidence issues now due to the way they reacted whenever I asked to see a therapist or my mom discovered girl clothes or makeup that I had tried to stash away. Whenever this would happen they would yell and scream at me for hours about how wrong I was and how I was listening to the devil. To this day I still feel like this is true a lot of the time. I don't feel like I'm worth anything and I'm ashamed that I'm the way that I am. I got kicked out of my house in December and am now living with my birthmother who has no idea about me and I'm not sure if I can tell her. Hopefully being on this site I can help myself to not want to hurt myself and feel okay about who I am. PM me if you want.
Kisses,
Kayla

Welcome to Susan's Place. At some point we were all nervous so we understand. You will find the people friendly and helpful here. Feel free to ask any questions you might have because we all had to start somewhere. If there is anything I can help you with, post it on this thread and I will do my best to answer it.

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Hi Kayla 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi and Welcome.

I know the type of family, mine is very much the same in regards to God, christianity etc. i fought that battle for many years and realized i didnt need to fight anything (i was only fighting and hurting myself and others), and neither do you.. you are perfect as you are,  that took me years to figure out, thats my shame and sadness dont let the same happen to you.

if its ok we can have some discussions regarding faith etc.. i haven't traveled the whole forum to find an area for this.. just been able to have free access to the net in the last week.. if there is a location let us know please..

hang in there girl, i have no idea either.. but what i do know is to simply be me and honest with myself. i would be confidant your birth mother wont thro u out, i mean your living with her now...

so hang there, its only up from here... ask yourself one question " whats the worst that can happen?  and then what will you do?" and the answer is to get back up and keep going.. its onwards and upwards from here. you have made it this far, keep going

My biggest problem is opening up. With the way my parents were I don't feel like I can

we all understand, i am in the same boat, i am terrified of my folks reaction TBH.. but then why does it have to be now? it can wait, it can always be done down the road..

I'm tired of feeling like I have to hide

Quote from: iamkaylakoch on May 16, 2016, 02:34:06 PM
My biggest problem is opening up. With the way my parents were I don't feel like I can

The first person I told was my ex who abused me extra because of it. If you ever need to talk, I'm here, as are many others who have survived the awful parts that bigots subject is too. My biggest advice is to not see your parents. But your birth mom may be different. If you do choose to tell her, tell her the whole story, abuse and all. It helps to say the words aloud and have someone comfort you.

Quote from: VeronicaMJ on May 16, 2016, 02:36:59 PM
we all understand, i am in the same boat, i am terrified of my folks reaction TBH.. but then why does it have to be now? it can wait, it can always be done down the road..

It doesn't have to be now, but is it easier to jump into cold water or slowly lower yourself inch by inch. Is it easier to rip off the bandaid or slowly tear the individual hairs out with it. Here's the question; are you avoiding your family before telling them in fear of rejection? Preemptively rejecting them by not talking to them or seeing them, will not predispose them to accept you, it will hurt their feelings. As long as they are supportive and caring where it counts, you should try to open up when you're able. Think of all this bathroom and anti-trans nonsense as an opportunity to inform; a teachable moment is what some people refer to it as.