Hi All
This is my first time posting or even joining a forum, and sorry if my language or etiquette isn't correct!

Im a 44 year old MTF in UK, after a long history of anxiety and depression and a recent event which caused me to wake up and get help a few weeks ago and start some counselling, i also started to read all kind of blogs online relating to anxiety and depression. Came across another girls life history, that was quite a shock - actually she was a 30 year old MTF and it could have been my life she was writing about.....
i must admit i was completely ignorant on this subject and after several psychotherapist sessions i realised i had lived with this all my life, reaching the point of accepting me for who i am was probably the most emotional time i have experienced.

i'm just about to start hormone treatment and feel like the gate has been opened on a large dam, so much water as to speak waiting to gush out!

Life isn't easy yet and i doubt it ever will be !, but this is the happiest i have felt inside for as long as i can remember
i am married (15 years) and my wife is my best friend, she isn't finding this easy and we wont yet get onto our children, my biggest fear is losing her as she is my soul mate and friend, i am completely open with her but it is a shock of course (mind you not sure completely why as she has always said i'm more feminine than she is and have been cross dressing for most of that time!)

For me though this is the first time i have felt peace in the world actually feeling like i belong and i can live for the future , i am something that is real and not always feeling i have to conform to everyone's social expectations on my physical being which has done nothing but  ... well im sure you all know that feeling just as well as i do!

Being 6ft 4 (fortunately slender with a natural waste and hips, which was always the subject of teasing  up now is an advantage!) i guess i am scared that i could never fit in or pass, having met several biological females of similar height recently i am no longer concerned.

i know its is now a long roller-coaster journey and i'm not sure yet how far i will need to transition (ok i do dream of having SRS but i need to be sure that is what i want and i think its too early for me to decide that now), just being able to finally understand myself and start to feel who i am and hopefully find mental peace will be fantastic!

Love to you all

Natalie xx

Natalie,

Welcome to the site.

I am 51 and last year experienced much of what you just explained. I had symptoms but never added it up to what they meant till last year. Yes, there is a big dam letting loose in many ways and may occur more than once. I have been married to my best friend for 25 years with three teenage daughters. I am still with my wife. She and my girls are my biggest concern. However, with very open communication, we can stay together (at least for a while).

I think you will find a couple of kind of late transitioning people: Ones that knew all along but held off. Ones that kept pushing off the signals and depression for years till they could no longer. There are many of both kinds on this site with much experience.

Although I think of myself as kind of old for this, I am newly on HRT and therefore a youngster in comparison to many here.

There are many here who are over and well over 6' tall.

All this adds up to say. You are not alone.

I also wanted to pass along some links we like to get to newly posting members. They are mostly welcome info but also the rules of the site. If you have not looked at them, please take a moment to do so:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hi Natalie 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi

Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement ! it really is nice to feel you are not alone!!

Nat xx

Hello and welcome 


Here are a few ressources that could help you :

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638


I'd say look aroud ... read up ... and ask questions if you have any .


hugs