My psychologist appointment had a nasty turn today. According to the results of the psychological examination that they've been doing for the past year or so, I'm apparently just plain weird.
That is, there's apparently a lot of deviation between my psyche and that of the "average" person. They're also quick to point out my Asperger's syndrome at every possible opportunity. In addition to that, they also claimed that I'm also showing signs of being slightly "detached from reality", which I can admit that I am to some degree. Normally (that is, if I were a cis person) that would be considered a completely harmless trait and even useful for thinking outside the box.
However, the medical personnel are concerned about an apparently significant risk of psychosis if I were to go on HRT, and they're quite likely to not diagnose me as transgender, which is a prerequisite for getting any kind of treatment in my homeland. I kind of expected something like this to happen, since the bunch I'm forced to deal with are self-admitted gatekeepers to the extreme who only give the diagnosis to a very small percentage of the trans people they work with.
Their judgement is not final, though; I can always try again with an adults' clinic a few years later.
But it's still quite frustrating to be treated like this. I've long known that my brain works in a different way from most other people's, but that fact has never hurt me before. And I really don't know what to make of this.

Wow. That's an incredibly backwards healthcare system you've got there. I'm sorry.

As for what to make of this, nobody else can tell you who you are, even if they think they can.

sorry this is happening

sorry to hear this.

hang on, fight, move, emigrate...

Quote from: FreyasRedemption on May 20, 2016, 12:16:58 PM
My psychologist appointment had a nasty turn today. According to the results of the psychological examination that they've been doing for the past year or so, I'm apparently just plain weird.
That is, there's apparently a lot of deviation between my psyche and that of the "average" person. They're also quick to point out my Asperger's syndrome at every possible opportunity. In addition to that, they also claimed that I'm also showing signs of being slightly "detached from reality", which I can admit that I am to some degree. Normally (that is, if I were a cis person) that would be considered a completely harmless trait and even useful for thinking outside the box.
However, the medical personnel are concerned about an apparently significant risk of psychosis if I were to go on HRT, and they're quite likely to not diagnose me as transgender, which is a prerequisite for getting any kind of treatment in my homeland. I kind of expected something like this to happen, since the bunch I'm forced to deal with are self-admitted gatekeepers to the extreme who only give the diagnosis to a very small percentage of the trans people they work with.
Their judgement is not final, though; I can always try again with an adults' clinic a few years later.
But it's still quite frustrating to be treated like this. I've long known that my brain works in a different way from most other people's, but that fact has never hurt me before. And I really don't know what to make of this.

First, be aware it is not your fault.
Its people perceiving there are not enough resources. This will change hopefully eventually.
You might insist you have a right to the correct treatment for gender dysphoria.
The recognized treatment is transition.

They might also try to err on the side of caution. You might insist that you suffer from circumstances and that this suffering has to stop, and that even depressions etc may be a cause of this. It would be their responsibility if this was the case.

There are standards like wpath standards where circumstances are described.
So you might read up a little and present fitting stories and memories from you, for example showing persistent identification with the other gender through childhood behavious, dreams, preferring more cooperative behaviour instead of competing behaviour, etc. Whatever you can remember or had as feelings.

I'd say read up on symptoms of gender dysphoria that fit you (don't get triggered ... and if you do, you can tell them that its even triggering) .

Lastly you can go private :

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209674.msg1857733.html#msg1857733


hugs

Actual problems to be worked through are actual problems to be worked through.  A conservative approach to treatment may be frustrating but safety (assuming this isn't gatekeeping) always has to come first.

That said, the other thing to keep in mind is that not only are you not normal, but you will never even meet one truly normal human being in your entire life.  Each and every human being is weird in his or her own way.  Some are weirder than others, some hide it better than others, but we are all weird one way or another.  Don't beat yourself up just for being human.   

Quote from: FreyasRedemption on May 20, 2016, 12:16:58 PM
My psychologist appointment had a nasty turn today. According to the results of the psychological examination that they've been doing for the past year or so, I'm apparently just plain weird.
That is, there's apparently a lot of deviation between my psyche and that of the "average" person. They're also quick to point out my Asperger's syndrome at every possible opportunity. In addition to that, they also claimed that I'm also showing signs of being slightly "detached from reality", which I can admit that I am to some degree. Normally (that is, if I were a cis person) that would be considered a completely harmless trait and even useful for thinking outside the box.
However, the medical personnel are concerned about an apparently significant risk of psychosis if I were to go on HRT, and they're quite likely to not diagnose me as transgender, which is a prerequisite for getting any kind of treatment in my homeland. I kind of expected something like this to happen, since the bunch I'm forced to deal with are self-admitted gatekeepers to the extreme who only give the diagnosis to a very small percentage of the trans people they work with.
Their judgement is not final, though; I can always try again with an adults' clinic a few years later.
But it's still quite frustrating to be treated like this. I've long known that my brain works in a different way from most other people's, but that fact has never hurt me before. And I really don't know what to make of this.

Freya.

I'm really sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. I think this can happen to alot of us, where medical professionals who really think they know everything will say anything can be "wrong" with you but trans. They sound like gatekeepers to me alright. I can relate to the stalling you are dealing with. My endo keeps putting off my right to hormones even after having a positive second opinion from my hematologist.

It feels like he is as much as a gatekeeper as the medical staff you are working with. I'm thinking of changing endocrinologists. But I want to wait and see what he says next month on the 6th about taking the hormones first. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I can really relate. It's very discouraging and is probably a huge contributing factor to trans suicides every day....

Hi,

You are not a weirdo. I know a lot of trans on the spectrum of autism. At group it is not out of the ordinary to have a person stim or flutter their hands. Being introverted and not making eye contact is extremely common and having a wonderful imagination is common. So is above average intelligence. At group we snap or fingers instead of clap to lower anxiety. Perhaps going to group or several groups each week will help you with social skills and avail yourself with persons that use coping skills like rubber bands snapping on the wrist.

Last year at the PTHC there was a workshop that limited the audience to those on the spectrum. There is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum. A lot of trans are on the spectrum.

I am sorry you are experiencing this bigotry. Is there any way you can challenge there findings if based on being on the spectrum? 

This comes three days late, but.....thank you, everyone. I'm still a little bit conflicted over this, but now I'm certain of what comes next.
They're not going to let me transition even if I get the diagnosis, that much is clear. I'm not even considering the adults' clinic option any more. This land's laws are backwards when it comes to trans matters, and it's clear that's not going to change any time soon. So, I'm sticking with the original plan: move out of here. I've wanted to do that even before I was fully accepting that I was transgender, so planning that is nothing new. I just need to get my parents behind the idea. Well, at least my mother.

As for my weirdness.....I always knew I didn't fit in people's view of "normal", and I'm proud of that, to the point where I consider the word "normal" an insult. But they're using it against me, and in a way that really hurt me. I'm still somewhat nervous about that psychosis risk, it's not something I can just dismiss as nothing. But I'm not going to let that get in my way. I have already risked everything for this once, and it turned out to have the best outcome for any decision I have ever made. I'm referring to coming out to my mother. I was fully expecting her to tell me to shut up and disown me on the spot. Instead, she proceeded to read everything possible from the Internet about being transgender and being a parent to a transgender child, and became one of my biggest supporters.

I can't say I have checked the DSM or the ICD recently, but I'm pretty sure 'weird' is not a diagnosis of any kind.

Are you sure that is the only thing the psychologist said? Are you possibly latching onto a passing statement and overlooking the whole of what was said?

What country do you live in?

I'm weird too. Lots of people are. It adds colour and diversity to the human experience. I laugh with my psychologist about my wonderful weirdness and all the experiences it brings with it. My weirdness is fine because it doesn't harm me, or anyone else.

As well as counselling me on personality and minority stress (which includes weirdness), supporting me through transition, and listening to me; my psychologist will also give me a proper diagnosis if I ask for it.

But we are well past that point..

That sucks. To me, it seems odd that they would keep bringing up Asperger's. My therapist only brought it up to me to make sure I realize that is going to make my transition harder with the social difficulties I already have.
And my own getting on hormones was delayed by a med clinic nurse who thought I am psychotic, which had to first be addressed since the gender therapist I'm seeing is through the same network.
Hopefully you'll be able to find a solution to your problem.