I have a bit of a problem in that I have nobody to talk to when it comes to the fact of being transgender. I live in a small place, where there is no support groups, other than online, like this one. I live in care, don't see my extend family nor hear from them. I literally have nobody. I have transgender friends, but they all hate talking about it, so we just don't and can't.

I see Camhs, who are of course making my transition possible. They take their time, which is not their fault, but a horrid wait. They don't give me any tips on what I can change to look more like a boy without T, so I'm clueless. I've got short hair but I can't think of anything else to change... I wear kind of boyish clothes. I'm clueless as to what else I could change.

Back to my first point, I only have Camhs to talk to, who are professionals. I have nowhere to go just for a normal chat. I feel isolated in care, really, and I'm lost on what to do about this all.
About having nobody to talk to and having no idea on how to look more like a boy. Please, may someone help in some way? Thank you..

Please move this post if in wrong place.

I am moving your post to FTM transsexual talk where you will find others who have ad to deal with these same issues. If you are comfortable with it, you might consider putting up an image so others will be better able to provide you with advice on your appearance. You may also find useful information in the stickies in that area. I am sure others will help you once your post is where it can be seen.

I rely on this place. I don't know any trans outside of Susan's.I started transitioning 3 years ago and this is the only outlet I have right now to talk to other trans.I am planing for the summer to start going to a transgender group at the clinic I go to which should be quite interesting

I've never knowingly met another trans person face to face.  I live in a small town in the south where resources aren't really readily available. This place has helped me so much in so many ways and let me know that I'm far from being alone in this.

Wish I could help with looking more masculine but I don't pass at all no matter what I do so I'm not the best person to give advice.

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Sounds like your a Canadian as I am.

I seek out counselling programs and I am thinking of getting more full time
counseling with a Psychiatrist...

I live in Ontario, but my city is a medium size.
I have never met a transgender person and became friends.

I am going to try a group in the next couple of weeks and see how it goes...

Good luck and if you want you can private message me.. I am not on here much any more but I will try and come
back more often.

Tracey

I'm Canadian too (Alberta). I know a few trans people but I'm not close to any of them.
I am pre everything and I only pass occasionally.
Here are some things that help me:
A good binder (I am an H cup so this was essential) - I know that there is a place in Toronto that distributes donated binders to guys in need.
Button down men's shirts (disguise shape in a way t-shirts never will)
Men's underwear. Even if you don't pack, they can help you feel more manly.
Practice looking confident.


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Binder Bucks is the binder program. It is done through the Come As You Are Co-Op.

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Quote from: lil_red on May 27, 2016, 05:59:24 PM
Wish I could help with looking more masculine but I don't pass at all no matter what I do so I'm not the best person to give advice.

I'd say that facial structure has a play in whether or not you pass, for example I have a very round face with a bit of a cubby cheek. Sadly, those are things I can't really change. I wish to have some sort of cosmetic surgery to define my jawline more, I've wanted it for years now. I've tried using makeup to change the look of the structure, but ended up looking caked. I really think I won't pass without T at the very least. Too naturally feminine

Quote from: GingerMaxim on May 27, 2016, 07:27:55 PM
Sounds like your a Canadian as I am.

I seek out counselling programs and I am thinking of getting more full time
counseling with a Psychiatrist...

I live in Ontario, but my city is a medium size.
I have never met a transgender person and became friends.

I am going to try a group in the next couple of weeks and see how it goes...

Good luck and if you want you can private message me.. I am not on here much any more but I will try and come
back more often.

Tracey

Hello, Tracey!
I'd like to start off by saying that I'm not actually Canadian, but from the channel islands. It's very small here, the laws are somewhat outdated and nobody really knows anything about transgender people.

I hope you're group goes well and that you can meet people who understand and feel the same way. I also hope your counseling goes well. At the moment I see a nurse at camhs (child and adolescent mental health services) and he doesn't seem to know too much about how this all works. He is quite clueless with parts. I hope you can speak to someone and have regular meetings with somebody who is more trained. Good luck

The issue with living on an island is that I need to go to the mainland to have access to a gender clinic. Luckily that's paid for, due to me being in care. But still, going back to Leeds or London every month or so doesn't speed things up.

Good Luck Ozbunny. I have no clue where Channel islands are...
But I hope your nurse councellor can research the net for more info to help you more...

I've always dressed like a guy and had my hair short for years. What i did before I started my transition was i bought male bath products. I got male shampoos, male colognes, deodorants, soaps. I also got beard oils and pomades even though, I had no facial hair at the time. I felt it kind of helped the growth that I have today. Also if you can get one, maybe try out a packer. You have friends here so if you ever have questions, doubts.. ask away. I'd say we're all pretty patient and enjoy answering questions when we can.

I've always wanted to visit the Channel Islands. I'm sure that living there presents a whole set of challenges, especially for a young person. There is also a binder exchange in the UK (MORF Binder Scheme).

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Quote from: RaptorChops on May 29, 2016, 03:59:10 PM
I've always dressed like a guy and had my hair short for years. What i did before I started my transition was i bought male bath products. I got male shampoos, male colognes, deodorants, soaps. I also got beard oils and pomades even though, I had no facial hair at the time. I felt it kind of helped the growth that I have today. Also if you can get one, maybe try out a packer. You have friends here so if you ever have questions, doubts.. ask away. I'd say we're all pretty patient and enjoy answering questions when we can.

A packer would be a bit of a problem, I wouldn't want any of the workers here or the cleaning lady to find it... I think that would be very hard to explain... And I know they would think it was something else 😳 A packer, or something similar would be a life saver when it comes to feeling comfortable with my body, but it's kinda out of the question sadly.

I will be buying a binder online with some money I'll be getting from elsewhere. An underworks one. I've already ordered some male clothing and I'm having it sent down to the care home without telling them. I have to do a lot of this in secrecy.

I used to use male products, the only female products I'd use where for my face as I'm very acne prone. Now that I'm in care, I have no choice but to use the feminine products they stock up on. They're only two other boys here, so less male products, and I doubt the staff would let me use male products instead of female. They get a lot of say on what you do and don't do, unless you spend your pocket money on it in secrecy and keep said purchase hidden. Having to do this all secretly isn't fun, but I don't see a better, easier way to go.

Quote from: arice on May 29, 2016, 04:17:53 PM
I've always wanted to visit the Channel Islands. I'm sure that living there presents a whole set of challenges, especially for a young person. There is also a binder exchange in the UK (MORF Binder Scheme).

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It's nice here, lots of beaches that are kept very clean. I live on the biggest island and it's beautiful. I like to go down to the beach when feeling very horrible about my body and just watch the sea. Or walk and see the greenery around.

The problem with this island, is that the laws are outdated. I have to consider that within my overall transition. For example, I'd never change my legal gender and/or sex marker, as over here, if a male is sexually abused, assaulted, raped etc. it is not seen as sexual abuse, assault or rape in the eyes of the law. Regardless of the males age and sexuality, nothing is done about it.

I've also been under therapy for exactly five months, and somehow found myself back at stage one. Great. I feel like giving up. I won't get hormones any time soon. I hate this. I've been trying since January. I want to give up and live as a female, but then the man inside me is put in more pain. He is dying. Slowly. I've been told I need to wait a few months to prove I'm emotionally stable and transgender. So I'm having to tick these boxes for my Camhs worker until he can clearly see that I want to be a dude. I then need to see my Camhs worker and the Camhs Doctor for a few months. Then finally, they'll refer me to the child gender clinic in either Leeds or London. By that time, they may as well put in a referral for the adult gender clinic... Huh.

Quote from: OzBunny on May 29, 2016, 12:16:19 PM
I'd say that facial structure has a play in whether or not you pass, for example I have a very round face with a bit of a cubby cheek. Sadly, those are things I can't really change. I wish to have some sort of cosmetic surgery to define my jawline more, I've wanted it for years now. I've tried using makeup to change the look of the structure, but ended up looking caked. I really think I won't pass without T at the very least. Too naturally feminine

I have the exact same problem. I tried a lot of haircuts. I think longer on top, short on sides/back is the best. It makes a chubby, round face look longer. I would try this haircut once your current cut grows out a bit. It's also popular right now so the hairdresser or barber should be familiar.

Does your voice out you? I've heard you can try to speak in your lower voice but that never worked for me so ...

As a side note, I think the full time experience (FTE) is cruel and unnecessary. If it was meant to weed out the "mere crossdressers" as I think it was, it probably selects for crossdressers. Some crossdressers fantasize about going full time. Most binary transsexuals do not want to be in between genders and have little interest in cross dressing (and thus being between genders). Gender is not performance for us, it's innate. Judging by what I see on youtube, jumping quickly from coming out to taking T and then spending those months trying to figure out how to dress and pass seems to do young people no harm whatsoever.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on May 30, 2016, 06:23:15 AM
I have the exact same problem. I tried a lot of haircuts. I think longer on top, short on sides/back is the best. It makes a chubby, round face look longer. I would try this haircut once your current cut grows out a bit. It's also popular right now so the hairdresser or barber should be familiar.

Does your voice out you? I've heard you can try to speak in your lower voice but that never worked for me so ...

My voice definitely outs me. If I try to sound masculine people ask if I have a cold... it just doesn't work. I can't keep my voice at the same level all the time, too. Get me annoyed and I'm back to my high pitched squeal of a voice.

Overall, its my face that outs me. It's obvious that I'm not *really* a boy. Thank you for the haircut recommendation, I'll give it a shot once this one has grown out a bit.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on May 30, 2016, 06:28:06 AM
As a side note, I think the full time experience (FTE) is cruel and unnecessary. If it was meant to weed out the "mere crossdressers" as I think it was, it probably selects for crossdressers. Some crossdressers fantasize about going full time. Most binary transsexuals do not want to be in between genders and have little interest in cross dressing (and thus being between genders). Gender is not performance for us, it's innate. Judging by what I see on youtube, jumping quickly from coming out to taking T and then spending those months trying to figure out how to dress and pass seems to do young people no harm whatsoever.

I strongly agree with you on that. I personally think FTE is pointless. It's done to see if you can handle living as the gender you desire to be, and gives you time to make sure it is really what you want.

I already know it's what I want. I've known since I was young. But of course, that doesn't matter much. FTE ticks another box for your therapist. Like how cutting your hair short, wearing masculine clothes and having people call you a male name does.

You know the reason why the process takes so long, is to make sure you definitely want this, and so 10 years down the line your not trying to sue your therapist? As then if you've went through the process of becoming male, but want to go back to female, it's seen as your therapists fault. As they're the ones who let you transition in the first place.

Well, that's why it's taking so long with my therapist, away...
If it was up to me I'd start T and voice training now, figure out how to pass later. The fact is that both of those things will only help you pass. Some people need it to ever come close to passing. I think I'm one of them.