Because it definitely bothers the hell out of me.

There's this deep void within me, that I feel can never be filled... not in this lifetime anyway. I really wanted to have a little girl, except I refuse to use my sperm or any of my male reproductive organs to procreate when i should've been born a girl in the first place. I want to experience pregnancy. It has me really depressed, actually. I've heard of quite a few cis women who consider suicide over infertility so I'm not at all sure how i'm gonna get through this. It doesn't even help that i keep hearing science is looking for a way for trans women to have children.

It helps me to remember that there are millions of cisgender women who are in the same boat. It gives me a sense of sisterhood with those women.

For things like this, it helps me to pray for the serenity to accept what I can't change. I'm not sure about God, so I pray to my inner strength and it works just as well.

I agree. Being infertile sucks.

Hugs.

honestly, no. reality is what it is, maybe in a hundred years science will conquer the human genome and be able to manipulate our anatomy to whatever degree they want. The reality I would like to know is will we ever find another planet with life or the answers to what is it that is exactly  beyond the edge of the universe, is it just empty space or just non existence and if it is non existence what is non existence . Can you feel non existence or what happens when you go from the boundary of existence into non existence. I will definitely not be around if space travel conquers distance. I would love to give birth and probably in the future it will be possible. The human species will become totally gender neutral , but I won't experience it.

No, because overpopulation is a major concern for the world anyway. Now, being denied the opportunity to adopt (if it was based on being transgender) would bother me.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on June 01, 2016, 09:15:33 AM
Because it definitely bothers the hell out of me.

There's this deep void within me, that I feel can never be filled... not in this lifetime anyway. I really wanted to have a little girl, except I refuse to use my sperm or any of my male reproductive organs to procreate when i should've been born a girl in the first place. I want to experience pregnancy. It has me really depressed, actually. I've heard of quite a few cis women who consider suicide over infertility so I'm not at all sure how i'm gonna get through this. It doesn't even help that i keep hearing science is looking for a way for trans women to have children.

I used to feel that way too. But then I had the fantastic opportunity to father a child which allowed me to nurture,Then I had another, This appeased me somewhat. I fed them, took them to school, did homework, played video games, took them to the park, changed diapers. I did it all.

For a long time, I felt very jealous to my cis friends because they can conceive children. My one friend has had 3 children, who are pretty darn awesome kids. And my other friend wants to try and have a child fairly soon. Next January, but she just moved so she needs to get the new house set up and money and what not.

Like I said, I felt jealous when I hear these stories from them or see pregnant women. Like the OP, I do feel like I have missed out. Or will miss out once I go through HRT and eventually have SRS/GCS.

"I'll never be able to have kids." was a thought that would just torment me a lot. Because I adore children.

BUT!!!

Since my niece was born four years ago, I have been taking care of her, more or less, full time since my sister went back to work. So the feelings of motherhood and having children has been both accerlateated and leveld off when I take care of her. I love her, but I really want to have kids kind of feeling? if that makes sense?

But I was taking with my therapist about this during my last session, and it helps to air these feelings out, because it gave me a chance to come up with ideas on how to become a mom.

Adoption! Surrogacy! Marrying a guy with kids! etc! But I think I would choose adoption. since I am adopted as well. It always felt right adopting kids even before I figured out I was trans. It made sense to me.

So really it depends on the day for me now. I feel okay knowing I can still be a mom one day. Even if I cannot have kids the way I want, it wouldn't make my motherhood less important or make me less of a woman.

Not for me, no.... But probably because I just don't want children. I used to, but for all the wrong reasons. I guess I just felt obligated to have them. I was also in a relationship for a while where she had a couple of kids and I think that got it out of my system.

I always wanted children,so I figured the only way I could have children was to hide behind my male persona and find a woman I could love and who would be my best friend and lover. I found a woman and was somewhat up front about my girl side and was fine with my crossdressing and we have a son whom we are proud of and a daughter we are proud of. Our middle daughter died at the age of 3yrs,I had fun with em,except our oldest who my wife's parents took from her..I wouldn't trade my life for anything for I got to be dad and mom.

Let me tell y'all something:

If for arguments' sake a cis woman were to get pregnant and have a baby with my sperm, i would want absolutely nothing to do with her or that baby. I wouldn't care if it's a girl or a boy. I can't even fathom that ever happening.

Basically i refuse to parent any child that i did not give birth to myself. Besides, i don't plan inn living a long life so with that respect i don't  have to worry about my daughter losing her mommy at such a young age,  much less having to explain to her that her mommy was actually born a boy because I can't imagine her having to live that kind of life.

I don't care what anyone tells me I should have been born a girl and thereby should be given the right to carry and conceive a child it pains me that I can not experienced that in this lifetime. I am longing for that experience.

That i can never experience what a cis female experiences has me contemplating suicide. 

I have children.

That I did not give birth to them or carry them in utero does not diminish my person nor detract from my connection with them.  Rather I feel gratitude and fulfilment as a parent.

Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on June 01, 2016, 04:23:35 PM
Let me tell y'all something:

If for arguments' sake a cis woman were to get pregnant and have a baby with my sperm, i would want absolutely nothing to do with her or that baby. I wouldn't care if it's a girl or a boy. I can't even fathom that ever happening.

Basically i refuse to parent any child that i did not give birth to myself. Besides, i don't plan inn living a long life so with that respect i don't  have to worry about my daughter losing her mommy at such a young age,  much less having to explain to her that her mommy was actually born a boy because I can't imagine her having to live that kind of life.

I don't care what anyone tells me I should have been born a girl and thereby should be given the right to carry and conceive a child it pains me that I can not experienced that in this lifetime. I am longing for that experience.

That i can never experience what a cis female experiences has me contemplating suicide. 

Not like it does you no. That's pretty extreme - nobody is forcing you to abandon this hypothetical baby.

Im preserving my fertility before hormones because it's not a door I want to close on myself.

You sound very young - only very young people "don't intend to live a long life". But the world is an interesting place, with so much to do, and hopefully you'll start to see that.

If you feel suicidal, get help from wherever is fastest.

Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on June 01, 2016, 04:23:35 PM
Let me tell y'all something:

If for arguments' sake a cis woman were to get pregnant and have a baby with my sperm, i would want absolutely nothing to do with her or that baby. I wouldn't care if it's a girl or a boy. I can't even fathom that ever happening.

Basically i refuse to parent any child that i did not give birth to myself. Besides, i don't plan inn living a long life so with that respect i don't  have to worry about my daughter losing her mommy at such a young age,  much less having to explain to her that her mommy was actually born a boy because I can't imagine her having to live that kind of life.

I don't care what anyone tells me I should have been born a girl and thereby should be given the right to carry and conceive a child it pains me that I can not experienced that in this lifetime. I am longing for that experience.

That i can never experience what a cis female experiences has me contemplating suicide. 

Many born women cannot conceive and have to use surrogacy or adoption. It's not a "right" that they have, it's a general ability that isn't universal.

That you've picked your preferred gender is also not a "right" that born women have. Those that can conceive get no choice over whether the winning sperm carries an X or a Y.

One of my best friends, now dead (much older than me), longed for a baby but was infertile after an ectopic pregnancy. She never got over it, but she went out, travelled, made great friends, volunteered, developed her interests in the arts and current affairs, lived her life fully. And her funeral (at the end of a long life) was packed with people who loved her company, some of whom had never met each other, and didn't swap stories about all she had been and done for them until then.

It bothers me - a lot.  I have two kids from the past when I was a father.  But now I want to be the best woman I can and yearn to be a mother.  Also, I'm too old to adopt.

It bothered me to the point that in my twenties I found an attractive younger female and produced my son and daughter. I know it seems like a cruel thing to have done and it may be perceived as such. However I had to choose my path and to function I needed my own biological children. So from the moment my daughter was born and my son was almost a year old I have had full custody. They have both only known me and whilst their biological mother gave me a gift by carrying them she has never tried to see them or offer a cent towards their lives. I do not mind that part at all as I take pride in being a fulltime single parent who had no family or support networks yet I gain honours 1st class in my first university degree and came 3rd in Australasia in my second degree.  All while raising a new born baby and a toddler.

As I will be beginning hrt in late July I have had some time to reflect on what I wish to do and I have decided I will adopt a child in a few years because I love kids and I have a incredible maternal instinct to care so I feel that I can give that love to a child that has no love and still feel content.

It is not easy for people like us. But in the end we have a wealth of fortitude within us, compassion and empathy so if given a chance I am sure many of us would willingly invest that love into a child that may never had been given it in the first place.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as being mean or whatever but what i was trying to say earlier was that since i hate that i was even born a boy and had to transition in the first place, i especially hate that i can't ever in this life experience what it's like to menstruate, get pregnant and to give birth -- all of which are the pure essence of being female and i refuse to be a father, biologically or otherwise, in the sense that i will not use my male repro organs to bring another life into this world. It's just not happening.

Sure, i'm going to try and live out the rest of my days being all the woman i can be but it's still going to always going to bother the hell out of me that i wasn't born a whole female. Not being genetically female alone is enough to make me not want to live, and no professional help is ever going to change that.

It's not fair to me that i couldn't be born a full-fledged female and that i can't have my own children. I should have been born a girl and if i were i'd probably be somebody's mom by now. My ability to have children was unfairly ripped away from me when i was assigned male at birth so living only for a short period of time, as well as holding on to the hope that i will reincarnate as a natal female, will be my consolation prize.

personally, I find for myself that the most beneficial approach that I can take in life is to be as realistic as possible.I mean For me personally and not necessarily applicable to anyone else is to approach life as to what is achievable and leave the non achievable for the movie theaters. Yea ,  life can suck and there is nothing wrong with speculation or fantasy , but when that speculation infringes on your ability to be happy or attain mental health realism  is the best course to follow.People have the same issue with being trans itself. Depriving themselves of happiness because what they feel they need to make them happy  is  not achievable , such as being cis The whole idea of mental health is to see things the way they are and accept that and move on. Yea, it's a bitch, but it's not real.

It has always bother me since early in life, early teens. I would have loved to have given birth, become a mother to love my child, nurture & love the little boy or girl. I would have also loved to have been married to a nice solid man, to be his wife to grow a nice family. By now I'd be a grandmother.....like most of my friends.

I definitely feel the pain on this.  I imagine being pregnant every single day.  It is my number 1 source of dysphoria.  The only solace is for me is to think of having a child (Either adopted or birthed by my wife) who is past the age that the biological functions like giving birth and breastfeeding are a factor, and I feel that she'll be a happy healthy child who is very close with her dad.(Who is a lady)

Well there is no solace for me. There's no way out for me other than death. I've always wanted to know what death is like, and what the reincarnation cycle is like. I keep saying i want to live a short life. At 25 it's time i end it on those terms, my own terms. Face it, if i don't kill myself now i'll probably end up doing so one of these days because i don't want to live a transgender life. I don't even want to be born a male and not be trans. I refuse to have either.

Time and time again I'm feeling okay but then I have my transgenderness haunt me and emotionally hurt me. I'm sick of also worrying about people not accepting me as a woman! I am sick if it all! And i don't want to hear/read "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem," because my problem is permanent and is not something that can be fixed by prayer or by SRS. I want my revenge on whoever thought it was a good idea for me to be a boy in this life. I'll never forgive whatever caused this because i'm sick of having this hole in my soul.

Also, don't tell me to seek professional help because they're not gonna help me have a baby or give me a new lifetime as a female.

I hate living this worthless waste of a life. I have no place in this world if i have to have my girlhood unfairly snatched away from me for me to never know what it's like to be a whole female. I refuse to have a place in this world for that. So it's time i put a stop to it... permanently.

It's been real. 

At the end of the day you can reach out to gain support or you can choose not too. And whilst you state you do not think intervention will help you at this time, you must make that choose too. I hope you do honestly as life is a gift you only get once before your carbon returns to stardust. But it is up too you in the end nobody else.

In terms of not having children I can only empathise and endeavor to understood it in the context of my own life and I know that this grief you feel is normal and not some oddity that you alone are facing.

Be strong and make the choice you feel is right for you.


Take care