I saw a thread on this but it was a year old so I started a new one. I hope that's okay.
I am suffering some post operative depression after having FTM top surgery. Of course I have hormonal depression so this was expected. It was part of why I was afraid to get top surgery despite being highly motivated. I just don't like being cut up and I don't like the post-operative care and restrictions (it makes me highly anxious). I'm scared I'm moving around too much and messing up my insides and I'm scared of losing the nipple grafts and I'm scared of living with phantom pain. (I don't know if I'm having phantom pain or real pain on my left side right now.) I just wish I could have taken a pill to make them shrink to nothing.
My actual results look awesome (for double incision), so it's not that.
I know I'll feel better a day after my injection because Estrogen whispers poisoned nothings in my ears but right now I'm just hurting in more ways than one. Please tell me this passes. I will need some sort of surgery even if it's just ablation on my uterus eventually and I'm scared to go through this again. (Also, I'm using up all my paid leave time at work.)
The depression is affecting my body image in general. One hour I will look at myself in the mirror and feel terrible, another hour I will think I look very masculine and will be smiling. I immediately passed 80% more post operative so I was right about how much the tumors were getting in my way. I'm very happy about that. I like that but I hate the process. Healing is slow. I've had setbacks like skin tearing off, bandage blisters and rashes (which hurt), bleeding, funky pains and throbbing if I walk around or if the temperature changes, and I feel like complications will be all my fault because I didn't follow doctor's orders well enough.
