It's great seeing what triggers others. I'm still at the point of trying to decipher the difference between dysphoria and plain-old jealousy and envy. Hopefully my therapist can help with that, as I feel that I can't say what triggers dysphoria until I can separate it better from other non-trans-specific feelings like jealousy.

All these soft, fuzzy, emotional things are difficult for my "rational" brain to comprehend at this point so far.

What doesn't?

Lol

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on April 24, 2016, 06:34:26 AM
It occurs to me that close relatives, if you have them, are the best guide to what you will look like after several years on HRT.

Heck, if you feel the need to imitate mannerisms, close relatives are a good place to go as well. Mannerisms can be affected by things like culture, personality (which has a large genetic component), genes (as in body shape and function--not everyone's fingers bend the same way, for example). I would leave impressions to the actors, unless you are an actor.

I've never tried to imitate or imitated mannerisms. I've never wanted to. I'm just me. Imitating someone else's mannerisms would feel extremely fake. I'm just....natural.  I can walk like a rude macho guy but then be soft spoken and gentle. I'm weird like that 

I guess I'm lucky to have a naturally masculine face (ok, not extemely masculine, but masculine enough), but the lack of facial hair at the age of 23 is killing me. Can't wait to see it grow when I start T, even though I know it takes months. I have a brother who looks a lot like me except for the male body of course, so I look at him carefully, the pattern in his facial hair, amount of body hair.....I could look at my dad too but he's old so things in him changed a bit, like how he's less hairy compared to his young years.

Well I babysit little kids, usually under eight. Many girls LOVE it when I help them with their makeup, or use me as a model. It is a huge trigger, but I deal with it cause I can't say no to those big eyes and cute little 'Pleeeeeeeeease chris' moments lol.

Now what triggers me daily is when I go shopping for dress shirts, oddly. I am a smaller guy. I rarely find inexpensive shirts that fit me nicely. The chest is an issue. I need something that fits me, but obviously mens shirts don't take breasts into account, especially if you can basically fit a kids large t-shirt.

Finally, swimming. Or the lack of it. When I used to swim, I couldn't for long periods of time. The top was too much for me to handle, then having to go into the womens locker room. Ugh. Just bothered me. So until I get top surgery I have not swam, and will not, since 2013.

for me it never really goes away, its like a low hum in the back of my mind.. for years i simply suppressed my emotions and thoughts.. and sorted of costed thru life numb (mainly unfounded religious fears caused this in me).. never really connecting with anyone (not even my kids, thats the danger of doing this).. its scary when my emotions come roaring to the surface, some times i just want huddle in a ball and cry (and do at night when i am alone.) other times i wake at 4~5am and simply cry softly for ages..

As far back as i can remember, the body hair,my height, parts of me i hate seeing, never fitting in either social circles as being the odd one..... i hate swimming without a shirt (i am pre HRT - round 2, my intro is in the intro sections to explain this) and well people in my family find it odd if i swim with a shirt..being envious of others.. when i walk down the street i love to people watch and critique what women are wearing.. notice everything from shoes to well it all.. and some need the fashion police fast lolz.. but its how i have allays been.

I can relate to so much of what others have written here...

Recently I was at a pool and a young woman got up from her chair, as she got up she reached behind and ran her thumbs along the rear inside of her swimsuit bottoms to make sure they weren't bunched up.

Major dysphoria moment seeing that simple feminine act.... 

To a degree I get dysphoria the whole time, because I haven't gotten used to the feeling of wearing a bra... I don't know if it's a size issue or what (it doesn't make breathing any harder) but I can always feel it there and it's basically a constant reminder of what's also there. I don't wear t shirts on their own, I need something over it to hide them to some degree, from myself and other people. 1:
The times my mum made me shave my legs and stuff to go to the pool were hellish too, the hair took ages to grow back in properly. I had to do it towards the middle of last month and I still don't think the only leg I had time to do has regrown all the hair properly yet ;-; Hearing myself talk, too, is a big trigger. Getting photos taken. Wearing tight clothes that make my body's shape more obvious. My old shoes that still kind of fit make my feet look absolutely tiny, so I wear my new white ones even to places like the beach because my old ones (they're black) trigger me a bit with my feet. I don't care much about my hair length or my height though, a lot of the members of my favourite bands have quite long hair (I'm a rock/metal fan) and a few of them are kinda small, too. Still a couple of inches taller than me at least, but I don't really care. If I can get to a clinic that'll give me blockers soon enough I might be able to get some extra height q: I also usually get air max shoes and they have really thick soles so they kind of make me look taller too, though I don't mind wearing my converse sometimes

Having to shave my face, as I haven't had any hair removal yet, and my nose.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thinking about the amble amounts of testosterone in my body. It feels like poison. I can't wait for HRT.

Hair. My facial/body hair grows faster than most people; e.g. I had chin hair way before all of my peers. I have to shave my facial hair twice a day. My hairline is receding.

Bathing. 'Nuff said.

I could go on about this, but in hindsight, it'd be easier talking about what doesn't trigger it.

My dysphoria happens mostly now das when I'm in a large shopping center and a little kid starts staring.

Ha everything.
Sleeping, sitting or sleeping without blankets, blankets that are too form fitting (they need to be puffy or thick), moving around too quickly, exercising or showering with lights on, leaving the house without a binder, binding itself, mirrors, clothing, female pronouns, female stereotypes, female comparisons, old pictures/videos, my old job had some pretty sexist stereotypes and requirements (not clothing wise, just situational wise).
Those aren't really all that funny though.

Quote from: Elanore joey on March 19, 2016, 12:06:07 PM
the shopping in the mens department when i wanted to be in the womens department

Telling the HR manager you are trans, and still working in the mens department 

Mien LYF-uh

All the time, body image and feeling I will always be a more attractive male than I could ever be female.

Right now, feeling better on HRT is only making that contrast feel worse, combined with abject fear of making the decision to pursue HRT (whichever way I ultimately decide).

Quote from: kellykh on May 04, 2016, 12:08:29 PM
It's great seeing what triggers others. I'm still at the point of trying to decipher the difference between dysphoria and plain-old jealousy and envy. Hopefully my therapist can help with that, as I feel that I can't say what triggers dysphoria until I can separate it better from other non-trans-specific feelings like jealousy.

I've talked to my therapist about this a lot and sometimes both feelings are tangled up, my dysphoria combined with my jealousy (and anger) towards others who have the kind of body I wish I had.

Quote from: SadieBlake on June 02, 2016, 09:26:35 AM
Right now, feeling better on HRT is only making that contrast feel worse, combined with abject fear of making the decision to pursue HRT (whichever way I ultimately decide).

The thing that sucks about transition is being stuck in the middle, isn't it? Those who transition in puberty don't have these problems, but for the rest of us sometimes "the devil you know" looks better than being binary, in-between, feeling scared, defensive, ugly, ambiguous, unworthy, and just stuck out there instead of presenting the way we fantasize about ourselves. (Not trying to imply NB don't have it hard in their own way, like catching crap from their own community for one thing.)

We also just don't know when we start how we'll do with the hormonal transition. You just can't tell pre hormones who is going to really look great and who is going to need some extra help.

Went to a store today, one I go to a lot. Felt pretty feminine looking. Cashier is about as cautious as anybody can be. Cards me for one of my purchases. Spends about 2-3 minutes perusing my ID then hands it back and says, "Thank you , sir." Um... 2-3 minutes of looking at my license and he never saw my name and gender on there? So then I enter in my info for their rewards card and up pops that same name on his screen and he still calls me sir. Times like that drive me totally insane and make me wonder if I'll ever truly be treated as female.

Having people call me Jasmine is like being stabbed with a small little sword that only I can sense. It may be a small sword, but it goes deep. Feminine words hurt me not only emotionally, but physically too. she, her, girl, young woman, young lady, miss, whether the hell you wanna call me. It leaves a wound each time.

People not taking me seriously when it comes my transsexuality is a big trigger of dysphoria. I may be young, but it's been there since five or six years old, and it doesn't seem to be going anytime soon.

I wish I passed so I could be called Oz and a he without it being completely weird... One day.

My body overall causes dysphoria, my hips, collar bones, boobs, private parts. My voice as well. Super squishy feminine voice breaks me into two. It's so femmine, it's cringe worthy.

Anyone want to switch?

Quote from: LatrellHK on May 07, 2016, 01:15:11 PM
Well I babysit little kids, usually under eight. Many girls LOVE it when I help them with their makeup, or use me as a model. It is a huge trigger, but I deal with it cause I can't say no to those big eyes and cute little 'Pleeeeeeeeease chris' moments lol.

Now what triggers me daily is when I go shopping for dress shirts, oddly. I am a smaller guy. I rarely find inexpensive shirts that fit me nicely. The chest is an issue. I need something that fits me, but obviously mens shirts don't take breasts into account, especially if you can basically fit a kids large t-shirt.

Finally, swimming. Or the lack of it. When I used to swim, I couldn't for long periods of time. The top was too much for me to handle, then having to go into the womens locker room. Ugh. Just bothered me. So until I get top surgery I have not swam, and will not, since 2013.

Find somewhere that has a family locker room it helps a lot for me, I love to swim so I used to just bear the womens when I had to. There is a family locker room at the YMCA I go to so no one bats an eye and there are changing stalls.

As for the shirts, are you going by collar and sleeve size or generic S, M, L exc sizes? If you use the collar and sleeve its a lot easier to find the right ones once you have the right fit and they look a lot more nicer when you where them. Find what fits then Amazon them forever! If you bind you might just be able to get one sleeve size or collar size up, my advice measure your neck and sleeve (pintrest is good on showing you how to do this) go into a store get that size and a variation of sizes and fits (stay away from slim fits until you are sure about sizing) go into the dressing room and go to town til you find the right one. Solid, vertical or checked patterns are good for hiding the top also check pintres for this there are a lot of good tips. just search FTM.

Good luck hope it helps,
Zeus

For me, seeing the rest of my family at Thanksgiving and Christmas time was hell. They would always talk about how I was such a pretty young lady and having to beat the boys off of me. I cringe at the thought of it.