I've got a problem and I would like to have your opinion, I'm at a loss on this one. First, the setup: I live in a small town (about 50,000) and as far as I know, I'm the first and still only trans girl most people have ever seen in their lives (cause I go everywhere, a lot of people have seen me smack downtown doing my shopping or riding my bicycle or swimming at the municipal public pools, etc, etc...) So, a no crime and not a scary environment for me but a place where very few know about trans realities.

   Now, it often happens that men will look and smile at me (that situation doesn't apply to women, they're always nice) and through the years I always smiled back but a few times, unbeknow to me, the dude was in fact making fun of me and as soon as I smiled back he burst out laughing and said to his buddies something like: 'HA HA, did you see that, the 'THING' smiled back at me!'' Oh my, oh my, how humiliated I felt, I remember a couple of times I even ran away crying so I decided I would take measures not for it to happen to me again. Now, when a man (especialy young men) smiles at me I hardly smile back, just a barely visible faint acknowledgement but then I say to myself what if the guy was sincere and even making a special effort to be nice to me, what is he gonna think now: ''Oh yeah, you smile at them and they don't even have the decency to smile back at you? That's it, I'm done being nice to these... something!''

   So what do I do, avoid being humiliated and potentialy lose friends or take the risk and get hurt once in a while? I'm very fragile emotionaly (hormones not helping) and these things hurt me really really bad and it always takes days before I come back to my senses so I don't know anymore, any opinions and/or ideas? Thanks in advance, Love, Rose.
   

I'm sorry this has happened to you, but alas, the world does have a certain number of cretins in it.

When I'm out walking, I try to always have a smile on my face.  I look and feel better, just trying be be happy out in the world.  I'm not changing my expression when I happen to make eye contact with a stranger, so there's no perceived threat from a sudden change of expression.  (Yes, smiling at a male from a Trans-person is something many men will consider a threat.  The thought that a transwoman might see and regard them somehow seems to threaten their very manhood.  )

Just stay happy and do your thing.

   Thank you so much Michelle, it makes me feel so good that someone else saw the threat that men generaly feel when we smile at them, such a heart warming confirmation. One thing I noticed though is that when I tell them that I never had sex with a man and that I'm not interested, they kinda relax and become more talkable. (aren't they a bit pretentious, those pretty little boys) Many have asked me THE typical follow up question though ''Then why do you do this?'' a bit of a sad and very testosterroneous commentary I'd say... Anyway, I'm a very smiley person too when I'm on the street, especialy when I'm on my bicycle but until mentalities change a bit (or a lot), I will respond to women's smiles only, men are too uncertain for me. I have to admit that things are changing very much faster than I expected 6 years ago though so, all hopes are still permitted I guess. Thank you so much again for responding Michelle and I sure will follow your recommendations, no doubt about that! Take good care of yourself and talk to you soon I hope, Rose.

Hi Rose-

I try to avoid direct eye contact with men when i'm out and about in public because direct eye contact can be taken as a come on or as a sign of interest. I just hold my head up and look past them. I do keep an eye on them using my peripheral vision for safety as I walk past them.

Avoiding eye contract while keeping a pleasant expression on my face seems to work well to discourage unwanted come ons or ugly comments.

Of course in a social situation it's different and I do make eye contact with the guys but I don't stare. I will always make eye contract with women and smile because that's what women do.

And as someone said the world is full of ignorant bottom feeders that will say stupid stuff. You just ran into some of them unfortunately. Hold your head up and don't let them get you down.

You can smile in a way that makes it look like you're just filling expectations of basic courtesy. With minimum eye contact that's quickly broken.

   Wow, I'm not crazy (I mean alone in that struggle)!!!

  Thank you so much Eva Marie, avoiding eye contact in the first place, good good, and you can always pretend you're doing something like checking the price of a dress or checking in your purse or anything, that way you don't look like you're avoiding anyone, you're just busy, yessss, extremely interesting, adopted!

   And JMJW, I think you're right. Unfortunately it doesn't fit with the way I feel inside, I'm the happy, funny, bubly forthcoming type but our situation (or theirs) being what it is, I don't think we have much of a choice. Thank you for your precious input, it confirms well what I did think I had to do.

   As for the ''Hey you!'' spouting jerks, I found a pretty good trick not to even have to acknowledge them: I always wear headphones when I come out of the house whether I'm listening to music or not. They can 'hey you' me as much as they want I don't care anymore and usualy as soon as they see the headphones they stop so I wear very visible ones, of course. And when I get close to a potential 'hey you'er, I also hum a little, makes it all that more credible. I just make sure I don't physicaly react in ANY way when he 'hey you's me and the rabbit is in the hat!

   Oh, how I love this forum, that's what's called a union of the brains (?) I think so thank you all, it's not always easy but your ideas really help, no joke. And like Dolly Parton once said:
'' If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.'' (I love quotes)

                                                                        Take good care of yourselves, love you, Rose.