I first came out 3 years ago. I cringe to remember my first clumsy attempts at presentation. The first stages I went through were heartbreaking as I kept being reminded again and again by the wrong pronouns and everything that my presentation wasn't good enough. It plunged me into despair over and over. At times it seemed I would never be able to live the life I needed. But with practice, I got better at presentation over time, and now live successfully fulltime as a woman, called "she" and "ma'am" everywhere I go now. I would like to share what I did that made the difference for me.
1. Confidence is key. You have to radiate vibes of perfect naturalness as yourself. After I'd attained some satisfying successes, my confidence was assured. But this was perhaps the hardest thing of all to develop, and the most subtle. It's imperative to hold one's head up with pride and walk into a room like you belong there. Not trying to look like a woman, but simply being a woman from the inside out. I used to repeat affirmations to myself before stepping out. Now I don't need to, my presence itself is affirmation.
2. My style of dressing was refined with practice as I found what looks best on me, how to dress stylish and classy. I guessed wrong a lot at first, but now I'm a well-dressed woman.
2a. I learned to hide my hair loss in front with a scarf tied in a way that looks stylish (and I don't mean the bald leukemia-victim style). It's folded into a narrow band, goes over my hairline and under my hair, tied at the nape of my neck, and hangs down my back. I wear bangs over it. Very 1992 Hillary. Your hair situation may well be different, but this is how I met the challenge I had, with creativity and flair.
3. Bra. This is a biggie. My breasts have not been growing very fast and are still too small for my frame. Alone, they generally aren't adequate to make my look. Having a visibly defined bosom made all the difference for me. The "rack" is the main thing people's eyes go to verify a person's gender. Especially men who automatically check out the rack of every woman in sight. I could swear some men don't even see anything else about a woman. When I started to wear a bra, it made an immediate improvement, I finally began to get the look down.
4. I got my face lasered. Dermablend never looks natural. Once I'd completed a few laser treatments, and was able to wear normal makeup only, things suddenly improved dramatically. Laser was one of the most crucial improvements.
5. Makeup took a lot of practice to get right, but I went for a makeover at the Clinique counter, spent a little extra for really good quality, and learned how to do it impeccably. Lip color turned out to be an important part of my look, it adds a lot to the overall impact.
6. Voice training.
7. Nails manicured into neat ovals; rings on my fingers.
8. Moving and holding my body in a womanly way. Estrogen helped me to feel soft inside and out. Developing the ability to glide gracefully in heels gave me the right amount of hip swaying, almost automatically. Belly dance class taught me to keep my sternum (upper chest) lifted and to lead from there, which resulted in very feminine poise and grace. Body language: Men behave so as to take up more space. Doing the opposite was already second nature for me. When I sit, it's always ladylike.
9. I switched from contact lenses to eyeglasses with feminine frames. This also made a big difference to my overall impact.
10a. Hair: I went to a good salon and got my long hair styled in a feminine way that's flattering to my face.
10b. Got my eyebrows shaped by a professional beautician. Eyebrows are important to the look too. I recommend Indian threading.
11. Perhaps the most important of all, I kept taking estrogen. About a year and a half after I began HRT, it had softened my skin and facial features enough that I stopped worrying about being clocked... because I wasn't being clocked any more like I used to be.
Seems like every time I post how my looks improved, some individuals will say they never needed any of the improvements I listed, their looks were already perfectly woman from the start. Good for you, lucky ones. But this thread is for those who are struggling with their looks and experiencing severe despair. I used to be a hopeless case too... but I believed in myself and never gave up. I want to share how it's possible for even hopeless cases like me to reach success. You got to believe in yourself.
