Hello everyone,

Well, I'm sure that a lot of what I plan to ask is already out there, and it's not that I'm too lazy to search for it; but the idea of HRT is a very fresh one to me, and the information on it is unfortunately greatly diluted by random articles that don't always have an entirely factual base. So, I here I am, asking the same bunch of questions that I'm sure many of you have answered time and time again, and hopefully will continue to do so, for the sake of us who are inexperienced.

I don't feel like I can accurately give depth and meaning behind my questions without having some kind of context behind what I'm saying; and with a life changing decision such as this, I can only attempt to give it context by presenting a shallow view of my entire, short, life. As such, this is going to be a fairly long post, but I will be leaving a tl;dr down below if you wish to skip past the wall of text.

I'm a 22 year old male currently, and I don't have the best long-term memory; but I'd say that my general desire to be female has been around for as long as I've been able to tell the difference between girls and boys. I didn't exactly develop my social abilities as soon as most children, this was because I was born with too much fluid in my ears, making me both permanantly in pain, and deaf until the problem was fixed, therefore while around the age of 3-4, I had to go to speech lessons, which resulted in me being fairly well spoken. I felt like I was on the wrong side of some line, but I wasn't sure what it was. I played with boyish toys and didn't mind that, but I also enjoyed being cute and doing cute things.
By grade 2 I had kissed a boy for the first time and immediately told my parents I was gay that day. They corrected me and told me that a play kiss doesn't make me gay; I accepted their explanation and I felt quite embarrassed, leading me to the decision to keep all future such curiosities to myself rather than openly discuss them with my family. Another thing that I started at that age was martial arts, something that I have kept doing for the rest of my left. Later on in primary school, my grades had started to struggle, and most of my teachers were telling my parents that I was always daydreaming in class, because I was. So, I was put onto Ritalin, after which my grades immediately improved to straight distinctions. But it also made me constantly tired, exhausted and unhappy, and twisted my personality from what was once an energetic and extroverted child to that of an introvert that questioned himself every time he considered speaking, and for the most part, practically stopped speaking entirely. This was also when I first started having vivid suicidal thoughts, which have continued throughout my life. At this stage of my life I was still not openly discussing any of my problems with anyone. Puberty also came around near the end of primary school, along with acne.
Once I started Highschool I stopped ADD medications, and also stopped martial arts(Only to start with another a year later). I had a fairly average highschool life, I wasn't very fond of my peers at first, but as the years went on I got to pick my own subjects and ended up in the classes with slightly more decent people in them. My acne also continued through highschool, generally destroying my self confidence at all times, and leaving me fairly depressed in general. Without any ADD medication, I was free to daydream as much as I wanted, and most of this daydreaming was me thinking of how wonderful life could have been if I had been born a girl. But I never considered acting on this frustration. Another thing I started with in highschool and continue to this day is MMO gaming in general, in which I will always identify as, and roleplay as a female.
After highschool I immediately went to university. I still had acne and I felt miserable just being around other people because of how uncomfortable I felt. I generally missed most of my lectures to sit in the clubroom of the club I was in or just stayed at home. I still wanted to be a girl, but I was by then very used denying the thoughts about it. Due to still not being on ADD medication, and also being incable of concentrating on anything I didn't find interesting, I ended up failing math twice and leaving the university, despite doing well in my actual subjects of choice.
I then moved onto a different college, it was a fairly terrible place, but there were no subjects unrelated to my field of study, and I was free to learn at my own pace, so I thrived despite the actual difficulty of the course being far above average. During this time my skin had become even worse, and I was repeatedly having to go through week long anti-biotic courses to cure outbreaks of Cellulitis caused by my acne. I was sick of it, so I asked my gp for something that would last. I ended up doing a six month course of Isotretinoin. This was a big leap for me, it came with a bunch of risks and my experience with ritalin left me cautious of anything that had a chance of altering my personality, but I was so tired of feeling terrible because of how uncomfortable I felt in my own body. The risk paid off, and now I have almost no problems with acne compared to the past, it gave a major boost to my confidence, my comfort in my own body and it gave me a slightly more open minded view on medications that mess with hormones.
It's been almost a year since then. In the past year I have gotten to become more involved with the BDSM scene, thanks to my newfound confidence; finally getting to act out some of the phantasies that I thought I would never get to feel. In that time I have discovered that I am definitely pansexual, and that I definitely have no actual attraction to the idea of regular straight sex. I will always want to be the submissive person in a relationship, and I will never want to be on top. I want to be the 'girl' in the relationship.

More recently, I have noticed the exponentially increasing amount of increadibly sexy, cute MtF trans on various image boards... and I am just so damn jealous of every one of them. I'm already regretting that I didn't find out that HRT could actually be so effective before I hit puberty. Or that I had talked about my problems and have been sent to a therapist that could have started me on them. But that's all water under the bridge now.

tl;dr
I'm soon to turn 23, I want to give HRT a shot. I finish my current degree in 2018, and plan to move as soon as I'm done either way, so I'm not worried about any kind of inconvenience with family or friends, because I can just avoid making it their problem. I don't plan to change my name, or legal gender at this point. I desperately want this, but I also don't want to end up going down this path if I already have no hope of being a 'passable' female. I don't expect to ever wear a swimsuit, or be walkway material, but I don't want to end up being plainly a guy with boobs. I just want to be feminine, to match what I am inside.

Are there any especially good resources on:
Pros and risks of HRT
The exact chemistry by which HRT works?

I've seen some threads mentioning low dosage HRT, would there be any advantage to low dosage in my situation?
Is the whole corset during HRT thing really effective for reshaping the rib cage?
Am I too old at 22? Would I be ruining my chances even further if I waited another year or two?
Does it actually look like I have any chances of being 'passable', brutal honesty appreciated :c (Will attach a body pic, just send me a private message for face picture.)

I've seen HRT durations ranging from a few months to a few years, how long can I be on it without having to worry about noticable changes occuring? (i.e. if I want to start it just before finishing college)
What kind of formal therapy is it best to seek out in order to be prescribed HRT?
Edit:
-Anyone know if my previous course of Isotretinoin would cause problems with other hormone medication?

Not sure if I'm missing anything really, this is pretty much the first time I'm coming across a decision that I'm not entirely concluding based on meditation and self-reflection; so I'm not very good at seeking help.

there is really no way to tell what HRT will ultimately do for you until you do it.  the best thing to do is do what is right for you and don't worry about what others think.

I just started on estrogen two weeks ago.  I already see differences and I'm 54. 

I suggest, and others will too, see a therapist who specializes in gender issues.  That really helped me.

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Welcome to Susan's Place. With a reasonable weight, the body with correct fashion selection is pretty much always passible. The face which isn't in the picture is more difficult but many with hair, makeup and HRT can be reasonably passable. Passing also requires mannerism, voice and attitude. These are things that can be worked on over time. Nobody knows how well you will pass and to someone in the know, you will not pass. I know all the things to look for so I would be able to read you. I would not say anything to anybody unless you chose to open the subject. To the average person you could pass effectively.

The first thing you should consider is seeing a gender therapist. That will help you explore your feelings. Facial hair removal should be started as soon as possible as your beard will need to grow out and it's hard to pass with a beard. HRT is something you don't want to do yourself. When I transitioned, it was by the book, you take some much and see what happens. Today, you are given a blocker to stop testosterone production (and clear up your skin) but because of the side effects, blood tests are used to measure your response so you only take what is needed. Estrogen is handled the same way. More estrogen isn't always better so your dosage is adjusted for the correct blood levels.

Under proper monitoring HRT is safe and effective. DYI runs the risk of blood clots and liver damage, both which could be fatal. Personal development will depend on what you desire. Low dose will produce changes over a long time, a transition dose my produce few changes in some people or dramatic changes in others. The truth is often people don't notice and with the excepting of binding and wearing a beard/short hair cut, you could be gendered male for a long time. We have one person who is still gendered male after 8 years on HRT.

At 22 years of age, you are at a good age to start. I received my firs dosage at 25 and we have people in the 50-60 year range who started or are just starting.

Feel free to ask any questions if this doesn't quite cover it.

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Thanks for the advice, and thanks Dena for the links.

As far as voice and such goes I already have some experience in that regard from online interactions such as teamspeak servers in which I will usually speak in a feminine voice. I used to use voice modifying programs when I was younger, but now I've just been working on my vocal range instead, which has been going well.

I've had a bit of a look around in my area, I'm not sure if there are specifically any gender therapists around here, I might just phone up a clinical psychologist.

Once I've been through therapy, and if they end up suggesting HRT, do I need to find an endocrinologist, or can my GP or therapist handle the prescription of HRT meds?

What are the chances of ending up somewhat androgynous in appearance after HRT, without keeping a masculine look?

Your final appearance depends on a number of factors and without seeing your face, I can't even venture a guess. Something that might help is this

Thanks, I had actually been looking for that kind of thread for a while, but I kept missing it. Some of the changes there are really amazing.

Welp, Here's a quick face pic from after my previous haircut.

HRT might give you a little fat in the cheeks, your jaw is weak which is good and a medium length full hair cut covering your forehead and I think you might be able to pull off a feminine appearance. Makeup would help but if you want the androgynous look, you can dial it back. Your face isn't overly masculine and that would give you better results with HRT.

Thanks again ^^

Sorry for the double-post, but just wanted to give a quick update, also it seems like I'm not able to edit my previous posts, or I just can't find the right button.

Going to see my GP either this or next week to either see what my options are or be referred to an endocrinologist.

I have been considering questions and issues I should cover when I go in, and some feedback on them would be appreciated, suggestions on other questions that I should ask would also be much appreciated.
-Will hrt effect adrenaline levels.
-Should I be taking a regimine focused on anti-androgen or on estrogen(or both).
-If both, should one be followed by the other, or taken at the same time.
-What is my testosterone level at? (End goal of 40ng/dl?)
-How does my previous case of using isotretinoin (A 5-ARI) effect treatment.
-Can initial helth check and followups be covered by gp, or must all visits be with the endocrinologist?
-Is -x- drug made specifically for HRT or does it just have it's desired effect as a side effect.
-what estrogen drug should I take?
-what anti-androgen should I take?
-Is progestin really needed?
-Unopposed estrogen vs Combined hormone therapy.
-Pills vs under tongue vs injection for estrogen.
-Will HRT greatly effect or reduce my metabolism?
-Orchiectomy, advantages, disadvantages, necessary?


That aside, one other issue I'd like to ask and learn about here is breast development, even though it is not my highest priority. I have read at some sources that most MtF only reach tanner-3/4 due to starting after puberty, and that generally the cut off age is around 22-24 for having a chance at fully developed breasts. Since I'm somewhat on the edge of this limit, I'm wondering what I could do to boost the chances of having my breasts fully develop. I have also read that people that have had an orchiectomy have seen better results in this area. I'm not planning on doing any SRS surgery in future, but if there could be long-term benefits from just an orchiectomy, then those would be nice to know about.
Other than starting as soon as possible, and getting an orchiectomy, what else could help breast growth get to tanner-5 stage? does progestin really help with that?

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As for your list, most of the question are your talking points but one point I would like to clarify. Breast and body development depends on your genetics. I have modest sized breast after years of HRT because my family history lacks large breasted women. Some site members have developed in the D and DD range because they come from a history of large breasted women. The age you start HRT has minimal effect on your final size. If breast size is important to you, you should wait several years before deciding on breast augmentation because it will take years for you to  reach your final size.

Quote from: Tameiki on July 04, 2016, 09:35:37 AM

That aside, one other issue I'd like to ask and learn about here is breast development, even though it is not my highest priority. I have read at some sources that most MtF only reach tanner-3/4 due to starting after puberty, and that generally the cut off age is around 22-24 for having a chance at fully developed breasts. Since I'm somewhat on the edge of this limit, I'm wondering what I could do to boost the chances of having my breasts fully develop. I have also read that people that have had an orchiectomy have seen better results in this area. I'm not planning on doing any SRS surgery in future, but if there could be long-term benefits from just an orchiectomy, then those would be nice to know about.
Other than starting as soon as possible, and getting an orchiectomy, what else could help breast growth get to tanner-5 stage? does progestin really help with that?

I am 53, and after one month on Estrogen and spiro, I already have significant breast growth -- between Tanner 2 and Tanner 3.  Breast development is a matter of genetics, not when you start hormones.  The general rule is you get one cup size less than your mother and sister.  My mom and sis are both D cups.  I am already a 38A at this point. The simple fact is, if large breasts run in your family, then you are going to get gifted by the boob fairy.  If not, then it's time to see a plastic surgeon.

You may know this already, but it bears repeating, especially since you are young.  And I also notice it hasn't been mentioned in this thread.  Once you begin HRT, you may become permanently sterile at any time.  The exact timing is different for everyone, but you will be (or should be) warned about this by your doctor before you begin HRT.  Some people become sterile after a short time on HRT, and for others it doesn't happen for a long time.  But it CAN happen at any time.

Therefore, before you begin HRT, if you're interested in having your own biological children someday, you should look into freezing your sperm at a sperm bank.

Update:
Well I have been to the endocrinologist now(After being referred by my GP), and asked all the technical questions that I had to ask. He was a nice man and very helpful, I also got to learn some interesting stuff about hormones. He's highly suggested that I should see a therapist too since he hasn't dealt with any patients that don't before, and I agreed that it's a good idea. He has also said that he would like me to at least tell my family about being trans before we start with treatment.

I have since told my sister, but still working on how best to tell my mother without causing her to have a breakdown or something. I have a session with a therapist booked this friday, still not entirely sure if I should be seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but I sure hope it's the latter because they seem to charge much less.

@CarlyMcx @Dena Thanks for all the info.
@EmilyMK03 Thanks for the warning. Being sterile isn't a big concern for me at all, but I may check the availability and affordability of banking just in case nonetheless.