Hey, Aria here. So I've become completely comfortable with who I am on the inside and wish to bring it to the outside. However, there is a slight problem... A while ago back when I was still in denile I proposed to the love of my life who is cis female. She's bi and has said in the past she'll love me no matter what... But I still have my doubts and, well, her family isn't exactly the kind that approves of such things or at least that is how it feels.

So here's my basic dilemma. I love (let's just call her Sonata for now) more than anything and I don't want to lose her nor do I wish to cause trouble for her, but at the same time I am done pretending to be male. What should I do?!

Ah crap, someone was a bad girl and put this in the wrong forum.... Can a mod please move this to where it belongs?... Sorry.

if the shoe was on the other foot what would you think the proper response in all honesty.

I'd say "I love you no matter what" of course... You think I'm being too overly paranoid?

No problem. The paper work is more work than the move.

The simple answer is the best. Both of you need to have a heart to heart conversation and possibly both of you should have a discussion with a therapist involved so all of the problems can be discussed. This will need to be a joint decision as will all the decision in the future.

I've never been married so I can't really talk, but Dena's words have much wisdom.

That makes sense, thanks Dena. I think fear is my biggest issue at the moment. I came out to my dad earlier today and he seemed pretty supportive. The same should be true for the love of my life right?

The bad news is about half the relationships break up. The good news is if she is Bi, it improves the odds greatly because the normal reason for breakups is "I can't have sex with a (same sex name).

Then we should be set. I mean hey, I once cosplayed Pearl from Steven Universe and it got her all hot and bothered. (TMI I know, sorry)

Yeah, you're halfway there already.  However... you're right to be concerned.  It might take her some time to get used to you.  She might not like some aspects of it -- sex is one thing, a lifelong partnership is another.  Prepare for the worst, expect the best.

Hey Aria..

I feel that your SO might surprise you more than you think ... If she is already accepting of trans women and she was attracted to you as a woman. I would say try not to tell her all at once, or if you do- allow her to be sad/ upset. Its a lot to process, especially if this comes as a complete surprise to her.  I wasn't even openly "bi" but I have realized since my partner(ex) came out that I guess I kinda am- I've always been turned on by women as well, and just didn't really acknowledge it. Especially when it comes to her I would be ok with it.  I suspect your fiancé will feel the same way. I think it is better to tell her sooner than later- and to be open to whatever emotions she feels at first.  I wish my SO would have given me more time to process things.  Also- try not to involve any other problems that you may be having in your relationship with you coming out to her- as I and some other people on here have expeirenced- that makes things 1000000 times more confusing and will make us feel at fault completely :-/

As for the family... I told my parents soon after my ex told me, because I love her that much.  In the long run, you're going to be spending your life with your partner ideally- not your parents or hers. My parents aren't super super conservative but they also aren't hippies/ super liberal- and they kinda just took it in stride.  I think it's because when they see their child as happy/ how much I loved my SO they wanted to be supportive. I think society is and has changed so much in the past 10 years or so and will continue to change and be more and more accepting. If she truly loves you and still wants a life with you she will also take this risk with her family.  I had hoped that it would help my exSO feel better to know I loved her that much to share with my family/ they accepted her, but maybe it didn't matter at all.

It sounds like you deeply care for her, and if she cares for you just as much and you are meant to spend your life together, she will understand and want to be with you- especially if she's already "bi."  Just give her some time to process. I hope things go well for you, and that you find the happiness you deserve.

Here's the thing, relationships fail for a number of reasons.

That out the way, sit down, have a very detailed talk to explain everything (and yes I mean everything) and take it from there. It's the only way to do it. Warts and all. Start with her first, you don't have to do the family as well at the same time.

Hopefully, you'll sail off into the sun set.

My wife/BFF/soul-mate and reality therapist who knew I had gender 'issues' for well over 30 years was not to thrilled when I dropped the T-Bomb. To quote, "If I ONLY Knew....."

TBH, though I always felt I should have been born a girl I was about the furthest from it. With two disastrous transition experiments I 'settled' on being a CD. That gave me the much needed escapes from maleness. Once a month or so under normal life conditions was all that was needed. 'Being Normal' was top priority, aka in denial. Plus 30-40 years ago it was an alternate universe for TGs compared to today's world.

Was it right for me, with absolutely no desire to transition in any way shape or form back then not to tell my BFF deep down inside I still wished I could? It's debatable if I really really did say I would not in absolute terms. My dysphoria wasn't all that strong. I had plenty of distractions in my life and other aspects of being me that brought me joy.

It would have been wrong 7 years ago when after my third TG support group meeting and I knew absolutely I "NEEDED" to be there. That something big is happening and it was almost too late to salvage and or recover from the betrayal she will feel. (Betrayal is a BIG hot button issue for her). I did what I knew deep in my heart what I needed to do for "The Us".

   I've been in that situation... actually multiple times with my fiance cause I keep having to remind him over and over that I'm trans and I'm not really sure if he even gets it yet.  I don't think he's bi like your fiance though so it's probably harder for him to accept. But he's still here with me, so that counts for something.

   Coming out to a partner over this can be very scary (the very first time I told my fiance I identify as male, I was so scared of the rejection I was shaking). But if you feel trapped or as if you can't hold it in any longer, it's a good idea to tell her sooner than later.