There have been terrorist attacks before. I would feel sad for a day or two, but stuff happens and life goes on. 

This time it feels different.  I may not have been in the directly targeted group, as gay, but I am peripherally in the target group as the T in LGBT.  It feels personal.  The group under attack this time is not "them"; it feels like "us".  I feel shattered.

I was thinking of visiting the US in August of next year to see the solar eclipse, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  But I am not going to go.  Even though as pre-everything (and, even by that time, still probably non-transitioning) I could go in deep stealth, disguised as a cis-male, and probably be as safe as any anglo male, I would still feel like I had a big target on my back.

The only other time I have felt this way was after the Montreal Massacre in 1989.  The target group in that case was women.  While I didn't consciously identify as a member of the target group then, I felt it.  (I still resent having been told by women that I couldn't have feelings about it because I was a man.)  It makes sense now, though I didn't get it at the time: I felt I was a member of the targeted group.

There is no real point to this rant other than Wow!  People all over the world have felt targeted for various reasons for centuries.  Now I do too.  It sucks.

I am going to a vigil tomorrow night with my wife.

I get what you're saying Kathy, but none of us are really safe ever. Any one of us could get into a car and be crushed by an 18-wheeler. We could get bit by a mosquito and get West Nile. We could have invasive cancer and not know it. We have the illusion of safety but the fact is there is danger all around us. The chances of being killed by a mass shooter or a terrorist in the U.S. are still far less than the chances of being hit by a car, of contracting a terminal illness, or even dying from the flu.

That being said, the scene in Orlando is horrifying and we need to work to make sure it is not repeated. But we need not let it make us feel less safe.

Thursday-Sunday I was at the Philly Trans conference. Sunday I was in the Philly Pride Parade and worked at the Penn's Landing Festival. There were so many queer people at Penn's landing it was amazing. There was a heavy police presence.

I thought about Orlando but it had not effect on my participation.

I don't feel like a target. Sure, I live in a small town and not a big city. But, I don't let events that I have no control over direct how I live my life.

the sad reality is that the world is dealing with this group of nut cases and it's not going to stop. I obviously have no answers all I know is it's going to get worse because of the core problem of believing one is doing it for God. If there was a way to stop these lunatics there would be the answer , but so far we haven't the slightest idea of how to do it. I personally feel targeted if I'm out at night and I run into a bunch of drunk teenagers and that does scare the crap out of me.

If we succumb to fear, they win.  That is their goal. 
I have found that in life, bad things exists.  It sucks, but I've also started to realize that maybe the bad exists because we feed it fear. 
Bad things exists so we can truly appreciate the good things life has to offer.  Enjoy the beauty of life and let's not feed the fear monsters. 
Without darkness we can't have light.  Let's just put our energy into and appreciate the light.


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You all are right, of course.  My head knows it.  My heart takes a little longer to get it.

This madness will stop when we're kinder to one another.

I hope you'll be going, an eclipse is awesome! 

Well, about being afraid... I do know one thing though: those who wants a piece of me, won't get it at a discount! Certainly not afraid of death, when it happens it happens. Terrorists never win, because I won't be terrorized at all. If it happens, he dies and I die. That's the end of it, move along... 7 billion people, can't kill them all! 

About a million people die by suicide each year, every 60 seconds someone takes his or hers own life. When you're done reading this thread, someone is gone... (not me though!) I guess we should be more worried about that. Mental illness is a serial killer without competition, that terrorizes many.

I feel the same, but then I've always felt at risk of attack for some reason... maybe it's just because I'm 'different' in various ways and I do not have the protection of a group of people, I am always on my own. I have an odd combination of feeling targeted but going where I damn well please all the same, any time of the day or night. Wouldn't say I dare someone to attack me, but if they do they better make a good job of it because I've got a lot of pent up anger in here.

Hi Kathy

I feel similar, never really felt too close to other terrorist attacks, appalled yes, but this one was different and not only because I am in Florida at the moment just about to complete three weeks of vacation full time.

But to the point of travelling to the US, I was quite apprehensive for this trip, I'm a regular visitor here and have taken the time here to explore and further my confidence of getting out and about and did short stints of girl mode last year in such places as North Carolina, West Virginia and Mississippi and Tennessee among other more accepting states.  But as i have now begun transition rather than just day tripping, it was important to me to get some real girl time on this trip and then all hell broke loose with North Carolina and the British Government issuing a warning etc.  So I packed my case not sure if any of my girl stuff would see the light of day. With all the news reports and hate bills I thought it wasn't going to go well.   

Well first day here, nail varnish on, heels on, deep breath and out I went.  Couldn't have gone better and haven't looked back, all my boy stuff is still in the case including my beach wear, and yes its a beach holiday.  I have had less problems on this trip than any previous, not once been misgendered and received plenty of female greeting in restaurants and shops and if anything after Orlando people have been even nicer,  Today a waitress we had previously, came through our section and greeted us quite loudly and enthusiastically with Hello ladies great to see you again, probably leaving the whole restaurant in no doubt that it was two ladies at this table.

So please don't be put of with going to see that eclipse.  There is a lot of bad stuff said and done in the news and politics and no doubt in real life somewhere far too often, but really, its not that bad on the ground when you get there.

I hear you. I think it is important to consider that the idiot who perpetrated this evil, was an American. Not a religious person, and pledged allegiance to three terrorist organizations that are essentially at war with another. So he wasn't real bright to boot. He was a spouse abuser and likely struggling with his own identity, guilt etc.

This is stuff that has come out early in the investigation.

Does this really matter in the overall picture? Maybe or maybe not but it also tells us that evil does not need to be organized to cause harm. It also shows you that this is not an organized trend from some foreign masterminds etc. Sure they are out there fanning the hate on the internet, but it is hardly a "war" and i think treating ourselves as though we under attack in a war, is probably counterproductive and drives unreasonable reactions. It's horrible, it's isolated and it is an example of the world we live in, aided by the easy availability of weapons.

No reason to fear or live in fear, we just have to plow forward with our lives.