I am in the middle of my twenties and afab. Because I am from Germany, my English might be pretty bad and almost incomprehensible at times. Feel free to ask questions if you do not understand something.
I do not know where to start, but here I go. Since I was a kid, I always liked to take the male role when I was playing pretend games with my twinsister. I loved to imagine myself as a prince in a fairy tale setting for example, or I as a male character from the cartoons we were watching at that time. But I was never any good at sports, like football for example, so I rather prefered indoor activities and reading, or playing with "feminine" toys. I believe that around that time, I also wished for the first time that I really would be a boy myself. Also my body. I did not know where this wish came from, as I was far from masculine, and I still do not know. I nearly told no one about my thoughts of my gender identity at that time. When I tried to explain it to my sister, she made fun of me because she did not understand and thought I had 'invisible friends'. I am also usually a boy when I dream, as long as I can remember. In my dreams, when I am a girl often something negatives happens (someone makes fun of me, I want to get rid of my breasts etc.)
When I got older, I hoped that this thoughts of wanting to be a boy would disappear. Instead, they became more intense. Sometimes, they are only in the back of my head, on other days I thought I want to die if I can not be a man. I never found any joy in buying cute clothes or looking pretty. When I buy a dress for example, I think about how pretty it looks and I buy it, but when I wear it, it feels like a costume. If I look in the mirror, I see a good looking woman, but I am still unsatisfied, I do not feel like I am that woman. I cut my hair short now and wear baggy clothes, or suits, and I feel a little bit better. But not good. Because I have full lips and rather soft facial features, I still do not look like a boy at all.
When I got a little older, I discovered role playing and I it felt so good to role play as a man. It was the only time when someone said to me:'Oh, the way you write is very masculine, I thought you really were a boy.' That made me happy, even though this might sound very childish. I dream of the day when I get mistaken for a man in real life, but that will never happen, and I know it.
I know that my family and friends are pretty tolerant when it comes to the topic of transgender. But still, I know that no one of them could see me as a man. They would think that I am just saying that because I want to make myself more interesting (that was what my twin sister said to me when I came out as a lesbian some years ago), or they would tell me that they can not see me as a man because I look so feminine and have mostly 'female' hobbies. And in my heart, I am so insecure myself. Is there maybe someone out there who has felt the same way and can relate to my experiences? How can I get rid of the thought of wanting to be a man? And if I can not get rid of it, how can I know if I am 'really' trans?
I do not know what I hope to achieve by opening this topic, I guess I just had to get it of my chest. If I wrote something offensive, please feel free to inform me of it and I will not make the same mistake again.
Kind Regards, Mercin.

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are many introductions on this site that read much like yours. The only person who can say for sure if you are transgender is you but my opinion after hearing hundreds or maybe thousands of these stories is you are transgender. There isn't a way to make it go away and the best solution is to change your life so you are comfortable. You will have to determine what that means to you as it can be different from person to person. Talking to a gender therapist will help you understand these feelings and will be the first step in treatment.  I am going to give you two links to explore. The first is our WIKI where you can learn more about what transgender is. The second link is "the transition channel" where you can learn a bit more about transsexualism as that might describe you. Feel free to post any questions on this tread and I will see them.

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Thank you for your kind reply, I will definitely take a look at these links:D

Hello and welcome to Susan's. I would like to say that I totally understand how you have felt, and are feeling. I've never been completely masculine, I don't think I ever will. Masculinity and femininity comes in burrs for me, personally.

Something none of us here can do is tell you whether or not you really are transsexual. But we can give opinions... I would say, that you seem to show extreme discomfort with your external self... I.e. Womanhood.

I hoped that this thoughts of wanting to be a boy would disappear. Instead, they became more intense. Sometimes, they are only in the back of my head, on other days I thought I want to die if I can not be a man. I never found any joy in buying cute clothes or looking pretty. When I buy a dress for example, I think about how pretty it looks and I buy it, but when I wear it, it feels like a costume.

If you're having thoughts of suicide, I think it would be worth having a chat to your GP/doctor about your feelings... So maybe you can seek therapy at the least, and talk to someone who is trained with transsexuality. Gender identity most likely is the terms they'll use.

When it comes to wearing dresses or any other femmine clothing, I understand that. It feels like cross dressing... It's not your natural "get up" as to say... Explore clothing and how it makes you feel... What your thoughts are in regards to the clothing and yourself in it.

I hope you can become more clear with you're feelings, we're here to talk whenever; to give a helping hand.

~Gilbert

For brief info on me, I'm in my early twenties now. When I was a kid, I did girly stuff. Playing house as female, dolls, no sports, was interested in arts/music, picking out girly things to wear. I was raised sheltered, toys aimed for boys usually weren't an option. It wasn't until puberty hit did things start to feel "off" for me. I would pick out girlish clothes to please my mom, but felt like I was in drag while wearing them (I had a collection of hoodies to hide the shirts). By high school I gave up trying to please my mom. Some self destructive stuff happened over the next 4 years, then I bought a binder. I never thought for a second that I was a boy, but never felt like a girl either (I'm neutrois/agender by the way). I had to ask myself if I had to live the rest of my life as a girl in a girl body, would I be happy. To me, that answer is no and is why I identify as trans*.
Everyone is different, but when I tried to tell myself that I was a girl and just had to deal with it because that is how is is, things didn't go too well for me. The only way you will know your trans* is from you. Talking to a therapist or a doctor can potentially help you figure out your thoughts if you don't know how to sort through what you are feeling. Good luck, and keep posting.

Edit: Although "stereotypical" toys and actions can represent how one is as a person, it's not always the case. My dad is artistic/musical/not sporty, and my brother is artistic and plays with dolls (he's 8 ). Just a thought.

@ Gilbert:
Your reply really helped me, thanks for reading my post and taking time to write such a long reply.
As for the suicidal thoughts, one does not have to be to concerned for me, as there is no way that I would go through with them. There were times in my life when I really thought of it, but fortunately, it is okay at the moment. I do not now how to explain how it is at the moment, it is more like not being able to imagine living as a woman for all my life, and rather prefering to be over with life already than really considering actively taking my life. So worry not:D
I think when I get my next monthly pay, I will go to town and buy a bunch of t-shirts and pants in the men's departement. I already got most of the overly 'feminine' clothes which I never really liked out of my closet yesterday, and it was kind of a relief. Maybe this will help me to become more sure of my gender identity, if experiment a little like you said.
Thank you again for offering me your help.

@sigsi:
Your story is very interesting, and it is definetely gives me some food for thought. It is nice to know how other people have dealt with this problem, and at which conclusion they arrived.
Come to think of it, my father is also a rather artistic guy, who loves the theater and shares many of my hobbies with me (members of my family have sometimes told me that my father resembles me the most in my family). In the end, if he can have hobbies which are considered more feminine, so can I even if I am a boy at heart. I never really thought about it that way, and it helps me a little.
Maybe I should talk to a therapist, I will inform myself more on how this is done in Germany.
Thanks for helping me and wishing me good luck:D