Since finally confronting my feelings over 18 months ago, I have taken many incremental steps towards a potential transition. Therapy, weight loss, laser hair removal, building a wardrobe, hair transplant, learning makeup, voice training, leaving my family, coming out to friends and family, increasingly going out in public and now an HRT trial. Playing the devils advocate, and in reference to the title of this post, is it possible to end up doing something that I would never do, just by following a series of small steps? Does this make the final destination invalid or worse, simply incorrect? I'd appreciate any thoughts others might have on this.

Hi Hon,

Not too sure what you mean.

I went through the same and did small steps until I was ready then one Friday afternoon I announced at work I was Cindy and I would be in on Monday as me. I had been called out because of my nail polish, androgynous clothes, hair style., laser, but no one had really noticed.

So I went for it. It was fine.

To be honest looking back it was one of the easier things I have faced and one of the most enjoyable changes in my life.

Yes it is a big step but so what.

There are bigger challenges in life, living as your affirmed gender is, to be honest, pretty mundane

I think the small steps are in breaking down fear, not in progressing down the wrong path. I expect it would get worse if you did that.

Cindy, I think my entire post is an example of the problem I've always had. I'm an IT engineer, every problem can be analysed, solution defined, implemented, and the problem solved. When it comes to my feelings and emotions (because I boxed them away for so long) I'm unable to make personal choices. I've taken almost every practical, logical step I can, but that final choice to transition can still be nothing more than a gut feeling. When I list the steps I've already taken, it shocks me, though each one on its own was fine. For my own peace, I need to have maximum confidence in my decision, knowing it will never be 100%. I'm almost there, my HRT trial is about the last thing I can do, and the experience has been positive so far. This is probably my final validation of how I got to my current position, and if the final step is correct.

One small step at a time is my motto. It's such a major change especially if you are an Alpha male. One point that I have become aware of is that so many of us take years to accept who we are yet, we only tolerate instant acceptance from family and friends.  Spend the time to explain. .most can't even imagine why we have chosen this path. Give them elbow room to accept and don't get upset or depressed if it's not instant.

AnonyMs, I agree, and I couldn't see any other way, I guess this is just a 'sense check' for me. Each step I've taken has been positive, despite some costing me much either emotionally or financially. There is nothing to suggest that the next step to go full-time won't also be a positive one.
WarlockMaker, my parents have struggled to accept the new me, but despite some very hurtful words from them, I do empathise with them, and my door will always be open to them.

I hope I haven't offended. I am also a logical person but I had to admit that my emotional supports (?) ideas changed when I transitioned.

That is a way of saying I accepted my changes and I found it easy to accept that change when I did.

 

Yes, there are likely to be things you will do that you wouldn't have done had you not taken all those small steps, but that doesn't make those things invalid. The small steps help to build skills and confidence and a greater understanding...without which you may not feel prepared to make the greater leaps.

Transitioning is an unbelievably huge thing to grapple with. Taking it in an incremental fashion and gaining comfort with each step prior to taking the next step makes complete sense to me. It is the way I transitioned over a period of years.

To put it in the parlance of your job just think of a long and gradual transition as an extended beta test - you want to find and fix any flaws and ensure that the solution suits the problem prior to going "live" on what is a mission critical system. IT people will understand this cautious approach.

I don't believe that you would be transitioning if you weren't actually transgender - every step feels correct to you, right? You are simply becoming the authentic you.

Cindy, there was no offense at all, only jealousy on my part at how you are able to boil down something I see as so huge into something so simple!
MsGrace, I think you've said what I needed to hear.
Objectivity in something so subjective is my way of working through all of this; welcome to the odd workings of my mind!

Eva, yes, so far, each step has felt right. In IT parlance, I guess my initial question was just a validation of my test cases. The product is in Beta, ready to ship soon

OK I will be totally unfair. I promise I shall be so to others in future but you are number 3.
(Number 1 & 2 have made promises in PM's)

I was asked by my boyfriend if I could survive my cancer if I was still Peter.

I said no.

I told him and I will tell you that being me has been the happiest time in my life.

Cindy is one strong chick.

Get your fears together and put them in some trash can and live your life.

One day you may face what I face and then you need to decide if life is worth living.

It is if you are true to yourself.

With Love

Cindy

Cindy, I think you're allowed to be as unfair as you want ;-)
Thank you all for your thoughts on this.

Transitioning is, to me, like building an airplane, (which I have done,) an unbelievably daunting task. So much of it you have absolutely no idea how to do, so you start building pieces. As you go you build up your skills, learn, and think. When you get to them the harder parts seem easier. You get help when you need it and, little by little you progress.

One day you look up and find that you're done and isn't she a beauty!

My transition outwardly was pretty gradual, i was being androgynous and wearing a largely female wardrobe going back 20 yrs before my decision in 2014 to transition further and identify as a woman.

As a young person, I was married in a tux with panties, bra and stockings underneath (i kid you not)

Its been more the journey than any destination to me.

Quote from: meganjames2 on June 20, 2016, 04:37:12 AM
. . . now an HRT trial.

Give the HRT some time to work.  Lots of folks who have gone this path found that HRT gradually brings a welcome change of outlook and sense of self, in addition to desired bodily/somatic changes.  The engineer in you sees this as a destination or an end product.  Try thinking of it as a process of unlocking and opening.

  I transitioned incrementally out in the open there was no one day I just showed up as a woman at work. I did not and still do not have a master plan, I just keep doing what makes me feel better. I come from an engineering background so planning and analysis are not foreign concepts to me, they just do not seem apply to something so emotion based.

Oh, they do. I was a software engineer from 1981 until 2004. I still think that way. This is really much like that. You visualize the end product. Determine what individual steps you need to get there and revise your design when the real world doesn't match what you assumed. Emotions certainly come into it, but for me, my emotions were so tightly controlled I barely acknowledged their existence. Transitioning allowed me to feel and process them properly for the first time. I would have transitioned into an aardvark to gain that.

Ok, new plan. I'll be the first trans-species HtA (Human-to-Advark). Do I have to eat ants? :-D

Quote from: meganjames2 on June 21, 2016, 03:04:46 AM
Ok, new plan. I'll be the first trans-species HtA (Human-to-Advark). Do I have to eat ants? :-D

At last!

Megan I have a spare room for you and a backyard full of ants. When can you start?