It seems any and every time I see/hear a trans guy talking about a partner or going out on dates it is with another man (mainly cis). I rarely see the same with those of us that are exclusively attracted to women. Is this just coincidence or a real thing?

I know I have an awfully hard time even getting a woman to go out with me once they know I'm trans. Are cis men more accepting? I knew that dating would be difficult but I didn't know it would be THIS hard. Doesn't help that the person that did accept me dumped me unexpectedly and moved on to a cis guy. They've almost been together a year now. Every rejection since just feels like salt in a gaping wound.

No, you can run up against similar problems with cis (gay) men as a gay FTM.

That's actually interesting because in my experience more of the trans men I know/see, whether it be on social media or otherwise, are straight. I actually have yet to see more gay/bi trans men than straight trans guys - the number of straight trans men I see usually outweigh the gay/bi trans men. That's in the general public though, and tends to be with trans men who are more public and out there in various forms of media. In some other LGBT+ groups/areas that I know, it tends to be more balanced between straight and non-straight trans guys, or there may be more non-straight trans men. So I think it might depend on where you're looking? It's curious that we have different experiences regarding this though. I'll stop rambling on about this, I think at the end of the day it generally depends on the place and context.

Anyways, I think dating life is bound to be a bit harder if you're trans, and it upsets me sometimes and is also a pretty big area of insecurity for me, but I guess it's sort of the truth. I do know it's not a breeze being a trans men interested in men, either, even if only based off of things I read and experiences I hear about. I really don't know if there's a difference between how accepting cis women are and how accepting cis men are to dating trans men. I do know that there are cis men out there who are quite adverse to dating trans men though But I also know of cis men and women who are very open to dating trans people, and trans men who are in long term relationships with cis women. It usually depends on the individual, there are accepting people (but also the less accepting ones) in all circles.

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences though You're not less of a man in any way, but I know that those kinds of rejections really, really string. I hope you find someone who's more accepting and loves and respects you for who you are soon.

I have had pretty good experiences with women and I haven't had a problem with getting girls, girls tend to be way more open minded anyways. I usually give girls a chance to get to know me before anything happens because in reality I am just a man but whether I tell people right off back or not I still have it pretty easy as a trans man, for the simple fact that I have qualities that alot of women like in a man and I get told quite often that I am handsome so it could be depending on how you pass as well tbh.

Quote from: jmyle on June 24, 2016, 11:45:33 AM
That's actually interesting because in my experience more of the trans men I know/see, whether it be on social media or otherwise, are straight. I actually have yet to see more gay/bi trans men than straight trans guys - the number of straight trans men I see usually outweigh the gay/bi trans men. That's in the general public though, and tends to be with trans men who are more public and out there in various forms of media. In some other LGBT+ groups/areas that I know, it tends to be more balanced between straight and non-straight trans guys, or there may be more non-straight trans men. So I think it might depend on where you're looking? It's curious that we have different experiences regarding this though. I'll stop rambling on about this, I think at the end of the day it generally depends on the place and context.

Anyways, I think dating life is bound to be a bit harder if you're trans, and it upsets me sometimes and is also a pretty big area of insecurity for me, but I guess it's sort of the truth. I do know it's not a breeze being a trans men interested in men, either, even if only based off of things I read and experiences I hear about. I really don't know if there's a difference between how accepting cis women are and how accepting cis men are to dating trans men. I do know that there are cis men out there who are quite adverse to dating trans men though But I also know of cis men and women who are very open to dating trans people, and trans men who are in long term relationships with cis women. It usually depends on the individual, there are accepting people (but also the less accepting ones) in all circles.

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences though You're not less of a man in any way, but I know that those kinds of rejections really, really string. I hope you find someone who's more accepting and loves and respects you for who you are soon.

That is very interesting that we've seen completely different things there. It is possible that I pay my more attention to circumstances that confirm my theory.

Thanks for the empathy. She didn't dumped me because of being trans at all. Its just compounded by difficulties dating since.

Quote from: Brandon on June 24, 2016, 12:09:17 PM
I have had pretty good experiences with women and I haven't had a problem with getting girls, girls tend to be way more open minded anyways. I usually give girls a chance to get to know me before anything happens because in reality I am just a man but whether I tell people right off back or not I still have it pretty easy as a trans man, for the simple face that I have qualities that alot of women like in a man and I get told quite often that I am handsome so it could be depending on how you pass as well tbh.

I "passed" right away. It's been 2 years now. Women find me attractive, I don't have a problem there, hope I don't sound like I'm bragging! Definitely not. What tends to happen is once I disclose they cannot proceed with dating.

I change it up from not disclosing until they get to know me as a man to telling them up front. It could just be coincidental and situational. Who knows. I'm hoping that I can have phallo eventually which may make it a bit easier.

That's interesting as I mostly see the opposite.  Women that I've known care more about personality than anatomy while a lot of the gay men are mostly interested in whether or not you have a penis.  It goes both ways, but generally it's been easier for straight trans guys I know.

I myself am bisexual though if I had to choose only one I would go with men.  I just don't worry about it, though.  Dating is difficult for most people, and being confident enough to ask a lot of people out is how "players" actually get so many dates--if you wait for people to come to you or asking one person out a year then love is a lot less likely to happen.  My advice?  Don't worry about it and just ask out whoever you are interested in!  If finding out you're trans is a no-go for them oh well.  Smokers, atheists, and people who own lots of cats are all people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with but there's nothing wrong with them.  We just aren't right for each other.

Quote from: CMD042414 on June 24, 2016, 12:35:58 PM
I "passed" right away. It's been 2 years now. Women find me attractive, I don't have a problem there, hope I don't sound like I'm bragging! Definitely not. What tends to happen is once I disclose they cannot proceed with dating.

I change it up from not disclosing until they get to know me as a man to telling them up front. It could just be coincidental and situational. Who knows. I'm hoping that I can have phallo eventually which may make it a bit easier.

Maybe you should try keeping your options open, get to know a few girls and go from there but don't lead anyone on, that's the only reason I have neverbeen one to want to keep my options open because I'd feel like I'd lead to many women on and on top of that not to brag but I can very easily get a girl into bed if I wanted to so I'd rather not go that route but it does work for different people. They say everything happens for a reason tho so it could just be that you were not meant to be with any of those girls. Everyone has a sou mate.

Quote from: FtMitch on June 24, 2016, 12:38:03 PM
That's interesting as I mostly see the opposite.  Women that I've known care more about personality than anatomy while a lot of the gay men are mostly interested in whether or not you have a penis.  It goes both ways, but generally it's been easier for straight trans guys I know.

I myself am bisexual though if I had to choose only one I would go with men.  I just don't worry about it, though.  Dating is difficult for most people, and being confident enough to ask a lot of people out is how "players" actually get so many dates--if you wait for people to come to you or asking one person out a year then love is a lot less likely to happen.  My advice?  Don't worry about it and just ask out whoever you are interested in!  If finding out you're trans is a no-go for them oh well.  Smokers, atheists, and people who own lots of cats are all people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with but there's nothing wrong with them.  We just aren't right for each other.

^^ That's what I said, women seem to care more about personality

A lot of gay trans guys I know have complained about not being able to find a partner, whereas straight trans guys I know haven't even mentioned not being accepted, a lot of them even have girlfriends. And I know a lot more straight ftms then gay ones. I'm guessing it depends on your region and specifically the people you run into though.

Quote from: FtMitch on June 24, 2016, 12:38:03 PM
That's interesting as I mostly see the opposite.  Women that I've known care more about personality than anatomy while a lot of the gay men are mostly interested in whether or not you have a penis.  It goes both ways, but generally it's been easier for straight trans guys I know.

I myself am bisexual though if I had to choose only one I would go with men.  I just don't worry about it, though.  Dating is difficult for most people, and being confident enough to ask a lot of people out is how "players" actually get so many dates--if you wait for people to come to you or asking one person out a year then love is a lot less likely to happen.  My advice?  Don't worry about it and just ask out whoever you are interested in!  If finding out you're trans is a no-go for them oh well.  Smokers, atheists, and people who own lots of cats are all people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with but there's nothing wrong with them.  We just aren't right for each other.

Good to hear. I'm in my mid 30s now so I'm not out as much as I used to be. Going out a lot more though. You get to a certain age and you'd rather steal some sleep lol. I tried online dating. Didn't like it too much.

How are some of you disclosing? And when?

Quote from: CMD042414 on June 24, 2016, 02:45:48 PM
How are some of you disclosing? And when?

I generally wait till I know for sure that she likes me then I disclose but you also really have to make sure the girl is worth it trust me I have opened up to so many girls and they were just not worth it, so always make sure y'all really connect or or are hitting it off but personally I think you should let people get to know you first unless you didn't start out as friends as that's completely different.

I have had no problems finding female partners. I think it really depends who you are approaching and how you approach them.

I found online dating pretty easy in terms of finding women who were open to dating trans men. When I was doing it, I would disclose in my profile and use specific search terms to find open minded people ("queer" is probably the most effective one I found). And as a guy, you have to message first. Can't just let them come to you.

Easier than that? Let your friends do the work for you. I feel like everyone has a "matchmaker" in their friend circle somewhere. If they know you're trans, they should also have an idea of who they know who would be open to dating you. If it's not someone on the fringes of my friend group that I kinda-sorta know, I usually let the person making the introduction disclose for me before I agree to start talking to them. No use wasting anybody's time.

My wife is a trans woman. My first shot of T is likely tomorrow. It's like our confusion compliment each other. Try hanging around the pansexual+/genderfluid folks and you're bound to run into someone you're into who's into you too.

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Mod Edit:Language

Nah, dating in general is just impossible.

Quote from: vivavideri on July 01, 2016, 01:06:49 PM
My wife is a trans woman. My first shot of T is likely tomorrow. It's like our confusion compliment each other. Try hanging around the pansexual+/genderfluid folks and you're bound to run into someone you're into who's into you too.

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Mod Edit:Language

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Quote from: Nygeel on July 01, 2016, 03:33:17 PM
Nah, dating in general is just impossible.

If I end up single, I couldn't get into the dating game. I wouldn't even know where to start.

To the OP, I know several trans guys in my town and I'm the only gay one. I don't know if that follows trends. A few of the guys are single and have a hard time dating but 4 are married and three have kids. I think dating overall is just difficult.

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Quote from: Dena on July 01, 2016, 04:41:45 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. I hope you are finding what you need and feel free to ask any questions you might have. I have a little light reading for you.

Things that you should read

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Thanks Susan!

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Quote from: Nygeel on July 01, 2016, 03:33:17 PM
Nah, dating in general is just impossible.

True so true

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