Hi all.  I usually frequent the chat room, but I decided to jump onto the forums and ask here.

I don't know if my gender identity is suffering from my relationship, or if my relationship is suffering from my gender identity.  Over the last decade, I've gotten more and more masculine (AFAB).  At this point if I wear women's clothing, I've been mistaken for MtF.  My relationship is crumbling as my partner does not find masculinity to be attractive.  And I can't bear to look in the mirror anymore, I hate the face staring back at me.

I haven't done any medical or surgical transition, I am just naturally androgynous-to-masculine.  I just don't know what to do with myself now.  I can't force myself into the binary, but being myself (non-binary) has got me so confused and self loathing.  I'm not sure what steps to take next.  I can't look at that face staring back at me anymore.

Additional info: I am 42, and my partner and I have been together for eight years.

Hi there!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

I guess the question I would ask is, if you could make three changes to your appearance to make that person on the other side someone you want to look at, what would they be? Further to that, if there was thing about how you feel about yourself (doesn't have to be looks specifically) that you feel positive about, what is it?

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Cheers

Grace

Hi Zuzu

I understand your situation as I have had similar one to you in how can my partner understand your predicament, you want to please and be attractive your partner whilst at the same time you need to be yourself. With me I explained to my partner although I'm non binary in my appearance it hasn't changed my personality which as part of gender traits are supposedly defined is also non binary, I just simply had to match my personality (belief's and feeling's) to my appearance which clarifies my complete gender as non binary for which my partner is completely happy about - she understands its who I am and that I'm comfortable in my sexuality and gender identity as non binary, does your partner understand why you are the way you are and your still the same person as when you first met except you need match all the traits of your gender identity.

Hi Zuzu and welcome to Susan's. It's probably a bit of both. No matter what we do our relationships tend to be affected by our gender identity. Often our partners understand though and are considerate of it. Mirrors are something that were not my friend especially early on in transition because I could always see the old me in the mirror. The key is just be you and not worry about the mirrors. If you try avoiding them altogether, then only use when necessary to limit the discomfort caused by them. Hugs
Mariah

I've always liked the thought experiment where you ask yourself, if you had a table full of potions that would completely change your body, the clothes in your closet, and your social identity and drivers license to whatever you wanted on waking tomorrow morning, which would you drink?

It lets you figure out where you really want to be or should be without worrying about how to get there.  Once you have a clearer idea what you want, even if impossible, you can worry about how to get there.  Or how to cope if you cannot.

Problems have solutions, but you need to first figure out what the question is before you can solve it.


- Jaded Jade

Quote from: Jaded Jade on June 25, 2016, 02:34:49 AM
I've always liked the thought experiment where you ask yourself, if you had a table full of potions that would completely change your body, the clothes in your closet, and your social identity and drivers license to whatever you wanted on waking tomorrow morning, which would you drink?

It lets you figure out where you really want to be or should be without worrying about how to get there.  Once you have a clearer idea what you want, even if impossible, you can worry about how to get there.  Or how to cope if you cannot.

Problems have solutions, but you need to first figure out what the question is before you can solve it.


- Jaded Jade

Fun question to ask even after being in the game a while.

Where ya been Jaded?  You got some wisdom there dear one.

To the OP...learn to love who is in your eyes.  To see the beauty in those eyes.  Beauty in the soul.  Handsome and strong in the soul.  Whatever it is you see, and say "I love you."

I couldnt do it pre transition, pre acceptance of me.  But when I finally could, the whole world changed, and the healing began.

Trinity.