So, I've been off hrt long enough now that I'm thinking of going back on, which is hopefully an indication that transitioning is the right path. I was still pretty screwed up on hrt, but I'd have to say that my stress, depression, and even regret seemed less profound. I feel I was a bit happier and less on edge, or I guess I should say less nervous. I was sorta hopeful. I felt calmer, like I was able to more easily take things in and appreciate whatever it may have been. I felt great. It was the physical dysphoria that was bothering me. Anyway, I stopped for a couple reasons; one being that I freaked out in realizing I was probably about to go sterile. I felt like maybe I rushed in with not banking sperm.

My dilemma is this. I'd like to do banking, but I'm frozen in thinking of having to simply call or go in. I have BRUTILE anxiety. Like, even in a place where it's a common issue, I'm sure that I'm pretty high tier. It sucks. It delays/prevents you from doing things regularly. With some issues I'm not that bad, but with this one I'm like, well, I really don't know.

Did anyone else have this issue?

Any good banks with onsite collection alternatives?

Yes.

Just do it.

Sorry that's not more helpful, but they aren't there to embarrass you. It's hardly fun but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things. What do you mean 'high tier'?

Call up and make an appointment.

I realize that may not have sounded very helpful or engaged with your problem.

Unfortunately, there is no way round it. You're going to have to swallow the embarrassment, and just be frank about why you're there.

Hope you get it sorted. I do sympathize - it's literally the only thing that stopped me from taking HRT. So they did some testing - HIV obviously. Negative thank god. And fertility. The count test was done while I was in the office - at six and a half minutes no line was present, and I nearly cried. Just as I started saying, well that's it then, the line started appearing bang on the seven minute deadline along with the timer going off. So on to the next - motility or mobility or whatever. And you can do it three or four times, which I will. Only one so far.

You'll feel so much better once it's done. The embarrassment factor will just fade away.

In fact, I'm now in two minds about whether to get a surrogate now and do it, or just use the bank and wait for a more sensible time. Becoming sterile is such a frightening step - even more so when it's confirmed that you are fertile and you're about to give it up.

The people at the bank do this all day long and it is their job. They have seen it all and you are no different. If it helps ask someone to go with you.