I have so many health issues, I might never get on T. So I am wondering what it's like? Are there transguys on here who were fortunate enough to get on T, with lots of health issues both physical and mental, and were able to eliminate things like social anxiety and depression? Does T make you feel 'normal?' By 'normal,' I mean without having any thoughts of suicide, depression, or low self-esteem.

As of now, I really feel mentally abnormal. On the outside, people think I am ok. But on the inside, I just want to evaporate knowing full and well that I am not really the man I should have been. Can T help with such negative thoughts?

I would say it all depends on the person; degree of mental illness and if they've taken in all the pros and cons of HRT. It's important before starting T to realise it's not a magical cure all. I started T thinking it would be but found my social anxiety and depression were still there. Since starting antidepressants it has basically gone and I'm having CBT for my anxiety which is helping build my confidence up. The T is also helping with these things quite a bit but I need the extra help from therapy and medication to be able to function properly.

Quote from: Elis on July 04, 2016, 09:39:35 AM
I would say it all depends on the person; degree of mental illness and if they've taken in all the pros and cons of HRT. It's important before starting T to realise it's not a magical cure all. I started T thinking it would be but found my social anxiety and depression were still there. Since starting antidepressants it has basically gone and I'm having CBT for my anxiety which is helping build my confidence up. The T is also helping with these things quite a bit but I need the extra help from therapy and medication to be able to function properly.

Hi Elis.

I am also on antidepressants and was wondering, do you think you may someday not need them anymore? I hope I won't, but I agree with you about them being helpful with those negative thoughts. I guess after reading a few trans books, I figured that if hormones helped so many of us go from introverts to extroverts, that would apply to me also, but it might not.

I mean, I think I am actually quite attractive and have great personality but I have a great addiction to social withdrawl that makes me seem less attractive and lacking of personality, which is not true, imo. I'm praying that if by some miracle I find a sympathetic endocrinologist who will put me on T and not fear a possible lawsuit because of my poor health, that the T will turn me into a chick-magnetizing alpha male. But then again, I guess it might not, huh?

Being on T doesn't magically make our problems go away, but the process of transition, becoming our real selves, can relieve our stress, anxiety, and depression enough to give us the energy to start dealing with underlying issues in new ways. A good therapist is critical for this, but it can work. 

I've been on anti-depressants for almost 4 years, following a close brush with suicide, and on T for nearly 2 1/2 years. My therapist says, and I agree, that I'm officially Not Depressed any more, and when he gets back from his vacation at the end of the month, I'm going to start tapering off the drugs -- I don't need them any more.  This is probably the first time in my life that I haven't had some level of depression, and it's pretty nice. That doesn't mean that life is rosy all the time, but it does mean that I'm a heck of a lot more resilient, and I have the skills to cope fairly well with whatever comes up.

I'm not quitting therapy any time soon, but my life is very different now.

Quote from: King Phoenix on July 04, 2016, 10:53:05 AM
Hi Elis.

I am also on antidepressants and was wondering, do you think you may someday not need them anymore? I hope I won't, but I agree with you about them being helpful with those negative thoughts. I guess after reading a few trans books, I figured that if hormones helped so many of us go from introverts to extroverts, that would apply to me also, but it might not.

I mean, I think I am actually quite attractive and have great personality but I have a great addiction to social withdrawl that makes me seem less attractive and lacking of personality, which is not true, imo. I'm praying that if by some miracle I find a sympathetic endocrinologist who will put me on T and not fear a possible lawsuit because of my poor health, that the T will turn me into a chick-magnetizing alpha male. But then again, I guess it might not, huh?

I've been on antidepressants since January so I plan to stop taking them by the end of the year and see how that goes. By then I hope to have a job for the first time as my real self; so I'd expect that would improve me mentally enough as to not have depression anymore. Plus I'm a lot happier that I now look more manly  . And I don't like how muddled and drowsy the meds make me.

And I get the social withdraw thing. My anxiety as well as me being an introvert means that I become mentally exhausted after just a few hours of socialising. I can see that changing the longer I'm on T; fingers crossed.

Btw from your profile pic I can definitely see as the chicken magnetizing alpha male type

I know life is not all sugar and rainbows, but I have no control over certain things in life.I am actually referring more on what goes on inside of myself. I can control my thoughts, feelings and actions, right? I want to make those things better and I am hoping T can do that for me. I wish I could find out but I have to wait until either my therapist gets in contact with one he knows to do some T possibly for free and is sympathetic about my poor health or wait until September to see a new endo that I was referred to by my hemotologist. But I swear I won't get my hopes on anything with either of them after what happened with my old endo. So painful, I wanted to die...and still do. I try to be all happy and positive, but it just makes me more tired. I just want to close my eyes and sleep for all eternity just like Sleeping Beauty; 'cept I am Snoring Ugly. Lol!

I think if the mental health issues are a result of dysphoria, T will help. But if they are standalone issues that you have, you may need to explore other avenues in order to alleviate them.

I had a lot of social anxiety and depression pre-T that were a result of dysphoria. I had a whole slew of bad coping mechanisms. After I got on T and started passing and being gendered correctly, most of that went away. I do still feel prone to depression, and there are still things that give me anxiety. But for the most part, I feel better.

I'm going through a period of depression right now, as my bottom surgery date keeps getting postponed by my surgeon's office. Haven't felt this low since before I started transitioning, so I can kind of relate. Not knowing when it'll finally happen has me feeling like there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

I have a lot of both mental and chronic physical health issues, and I just got a letter from a psychologist, so I can start taking T as soon as my doctor's office processes the letter. It's more expensive and time consuming to go the route of seeing a psychologist that does gender identity consultations, instead of finding a doctor's office that allows for informed consent, but I highly recommend it if you've got a history of mental health issues. It actually took an extra session than normal because it took so long for him just to write down my medical and mental health history.

My anxiety and depression is partly hereditary and partly because of the dysphoria, so I don't expect T to get rid of my depression and anxiety, but both the psychologist I saw to get the letter and therapists I've seen in the past think that my mental health issues will be a lot less problematic once the dysphoria stops being such a problem.

Quote from: Mal on July 06, 2016, 02:35:08 AM
I have a lot of both mental and chronic physical health issues, and I just got a letter from a psychologist, so I can start taking T as soon as my doctor's office processes the letter. It's more expensive and time consuming to go the route of seeing a psychologist that does gender identity consultations, instead of finding a doctor's office that allows for informed consent, but I highly recommend it if you've got a history of mental health issues. It actually took an extra session than normal because it took so long for him just to write down my medical and mental health history.

My anxiety and depression is partly hereditary and partly because of the dysphoria, so I don't expect T to get rid of my depression and anxiety, but both the psychologist I saw to get the letter and therapists I've seen in the past think that my mental health issues will be a lot less problematic once the dysphoria stops being such a problem.

I'm glad you have the letter, Mal, but so do I. The issue isn't getting the letter, it's getting the "ok" from an endocrinologist to be put on T. I am about to just give up and live a lie....But at least I can dress how I want to.

Quote from: King Phoenix on July 04, 2016, 09:19:15 AM
As of now, I really feel mentally abnormal. On the outside, people think I am ok. But on the inside, I just want to evaporate knowing full and well that I am not really the man I should have been. Can T help with such negative thoughts?

I felt the same way. I am now on a combination of T and an anti-depressant. I believe I will eventually need my ovaries removed due to hormonal depression caused by female hormones. I am much calmer and having moments of feeling "normal". I haven't felt good in years and normal got left behind before puberty.

Some people do have their depression cured by HRT but if you have severe depression your whole brain is in imbalance and you may need anti-depressants as well, especially if CBT and other evidence based talk therapies do not resolve your depression. Good to keep in mind that your thoughts are very powerful and can make you depressed or anxious. However, it's very possible to have depression that doesn't come from your thoughts at all. If CBT and so on don't fix your depression, then you need to try something else.

I feel like I had multiple things wrong that led to my depression. Being trans and going on HRT is really the simplest of the bunch and ought to have been addressed years earlier. HRT is easier and more effective than anything else they will try so I wonder why your healthcare providers want to put it off for last. I also think the risk of hormones is really overblown. I had anemia and migraines on estrogen; so I have to give blood now on T to keep my RBC count in line. So what? Yes, my life expectancy is slightly lowered, as it is with all men, but my suicide risk was over 10 times higher than the general population as an untreated trans person. That's some staggeringly bad odds. "Do no harm" would seem to me to mandate recommending HRT for trans persons as a first line intervention, not held out as a lolly if you complete other, less effective hurdles.

Quote from: King Phoenix on July 04, 2016, 11:23:02 AM
I know life is not all sugar and rainbows, but I have no control over certain things in life.I am actually referring more on what goes on inside of myself. I can control my thoughts, feelings and actions, right? I want to make those things better and I am hoping T can do that for me. I wish I could find out but I have to wait until either my therapist gets in contact with one he knows to do some T possibly for free and is sympathetic about my poor health or wait until September to see a new endo that I was referred to by my hemotologist. But I swear I won't get my hopes on anything with either of them after what happened with my old endo. So painful, I wanted to die...and still do. I try to be all happy and positive, but it just makes me more tired. I just want to close my eyes and sleep for all eternity just like Sleeping Beauty; 'cept I am Snoring Ugly. Lol!

I wish your service providers would be more sensitive to what a serious emergency this is for you. You are entering the first stage of suicidal ideation. I should know; I had such thoughts for years and years. Life just all seemed to be too much, and completely drained of any pleasure. Please don't hurt yourself--help is out there. Have you tried calling Trans Lifeline? If you can't get through, try a different hour of the day. Just talking to someone can really help. They're good with suggestions if you're having trouble accessing care as well.

Quote from: Elis on July 04, 2016, 11:21:26 AM
I've been on antidepressants since January so I plan to stop taking them by the end of the year and see how that goes. By then I hope to have a job for the first time as my real self; so I'd expect that would improve me mentally enough as to not have depression anymore. Plus I'm a lot happier that I now look more manly  . And I don't like how muddled and drowsy the meds make me.

And I get the social withdraw thing. My anxiety as well as me being an introvert means that I become mentally exhausted after just a few hours of socialising. I can see that changing the longer I'm on T; fingers crossed.

I think getting misgendered all the time is really mentally exhausting. It's so pleasant to be correctly gendered. I find myself dressing in a certain way just to get those "sirs" in public. I am introverted too but I never reckoned with how much having boobs and being called ma'am played into my fear and loathing of going out in public.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on July 06, 2016, 09:10:23 AM
I wish your service providers would be more sensitive to what a serious emergency this is for you. You are entering the first stage of suicidal ideation. I should know; I had such thoughts for years and years. Life just all seemed to be too much, and completely drained of any pleasure. Please don't hurt yourself--help is out there. Have you tried calling Trans Lifeline? If you can't get through, try a different hour of the day. Just talking to someone can really help. They're good with suggestions if you're having trouble accessing care as well.

I think I am suicidal. I'm the type of person that looks mentally stable on the outside, for the most part, but inside I feel like a lie that must be destroyed. It's disgusting to me to be ma'amed and made prisoner by my own anatomy. I want nothing more than for a freak accident to happen that would either remove all of my female sexual characteristics or my life. Either way is good. "No, Phoenix, don't talk like that. Just be happy and everything will be ooooook!" Is what I have to constantly say to myself just to put both of my feet on the floor to get out of bed. I literally go through great lengths to carry a five minute conversation with my taxi drivers for doctor appointments and dialysis, when deep down I really just wanna tell them to shut up so I can play my Nintendo DS or PSP. Seriously. They annoy the hell out of me. When will they realize that I obviously hate talking?

I hate talking because of my stupid girly voice. I hate talking because people slip up or don't even bother to try to refer to me correctly. I just wanna shrivel up and die. It's not my fault my mom and dad decided to bang eachother and have me. I didn't ask for that. Why do I have to be in this purgatory? What evil have I committed in my past life to deserve this fate? Yeah I tried to call Trans Lifeline and they never answer....I'll try again when I am alone so I can really get out all my pain. I can't with my father around. My other option would be to cut myself. It's so releasing. I do despise this body.

Mod Edit:Language