Cis gay people do not "get" it about the trans thing. But I am somewhat bitter about trans activists because they spend more time and energy bodyslamming the gates of "cis lesbians/gays won't sleep with us" (even when they will, maybe they won't sleep with YOU because you are a boundary-violating creep) than actually educating cis people that trans is a medical condition, and you no more want your medical history gossiped about than they would want their STD status gossiped about. Gay people think trans is just another identity, like being a cross dresser. They don't understand that unlike cross dressers we experience dysphoria and we tend to consider our treatment to be private medical information. They don't understand that many of us feel dysphoria at being considered "trans" first and men and women maybe never. They don't get that we are fundamentally different to gender variant cis men and women who are at peace with their birth gender but just don't like their assigned gender role.*
*-okay I am being too glib, who doesn't hate gender roles, but plenty of cis people express themselves gender wise differently than the mainstream would have it, maybe that's what I meant
Guess what, when I was baby trans I had another TRANS person call me basically a confused woman who was unhappy with my gender role. I knew that wasn't true but it was so hard not to believe someone who had gone through the narrow golden gates and was actually transitioning legally. (This was late 1990s in Boston, it was super hard to get hormones.) TRANS people often spread this nonsense about tearing down gender or that it's all about gender and not sex, either because they've quaffed too much vintage queer theory or because they're NB and apparently lack empathy for binary people.
Often gay people have heard stupid stuff directly from trans people or people they think speak for the trans community (trans means a lot of things, not necessarily transsexuals like us) and think they "get" it when they don't. Gay people, sadly, think we need to follow their program and just come out to everybody and things will be fine.
Well, I came out to everyone and things WEREN'T fine.
I wasn't believed.
I was still being washed in the wrong hormones.
I had severe dysphoria over my breasts every day.
Our culture doesn't really acknowledge that third sexes exist. So the only way to deal with the social stuff is to be a man or a woman or being the brassiest NB you can be but still suffer tons of social garbage from ignoramuses who can't grok that some people aren't men or women. And even social acceptance can't fix the medical issues that we're born with and will have for all of our lives. Our culture also refuses to acknowledge medical conditions that don't leave physical marks on the outside of your body (chronic pain, mental illness ... or trans status). Ever lurked in the CFS community? They are so desperate for some physical proof to show everyone, especially doctors!! that their condition is real. Without that legitimacy, we're all just fakers, malingerers, or crazy.
Gay people need educating. Obviously you aren't the one to do that; maybe people like Janet Mock can. I noticed Queerty has been posting a lot about trans people that is very good, but the comments can be terrible. But there's pushback in the comments too. I take some solace from that. The way the LGBT community talks about gender is changing, as well. That's encouraging. It's better than it used to be.
You seem like you could really benefit from bottom surgery, given what you've shared. It's a pity that it's so inaccessible to Americans. Just the time off work alone is undoable to me, not even getting into the expense. That's before we even talk about results. They need to get on that stem cell thing and figure out how to grow a dick in a lab.
