Well, talked to my mom for the first time in a couple of weeks and she said she is having a hard time with my transition because as soon as I was born she knew exactly who I was. So she knew who I was before I had developed a personality or sense of self? I agree, AnxietyDisord3r, she is clearly in denial, lol. This is a thing that I honestly don't understand about the supposed mother-child bond. This idea that mothers know their children best/are more emotionally close. It's especially ironic since I was mostly raised by my dad and haven't lived with her since I was 8 (I'm 31 now). But now that she's actually being forced to acknowledge that she doesn't know me she's freaking out.

Anyway, you both make really great points about people mistaking social dysphoria and presentation for physical dysphoria and identity. For a long time I didn't even have social dysphoria, but I had a ton of dysphoria about my body. And that didn't go away over time. It just got worse. But I'm realizing that cis people are so comfortable in and protective of their bodies that it is really hard for them to grasp the idea that HRT or surgery can make someone feel better. To them it seems so drastic, whereas to me it feel unthinkable to keep my body as it is. I wish I could press a button and make every cis person experience dysphoria for a month...

I feel you, Jonathan. They don't get it, everything we are is upside-down and backwards to them.

It seems like a lot of parents have a romantic fantasy idea of who their kid is and it doesn't often gel with reality

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on July 07, 2016, 03:24:26 PM
I feel you, Jonathan. They don't get it, everything we are is upside-down and backwards to them.

Thanks. It helps to know I'm not the only one dealing with this, at least.

Quote from: Peep on July 07, 2016, 04:09:17 PM
It seems like a lot of parents have a romantic fantasy idea of who their kid is and it doesn't often gel with reality

Right? I really don't understand where that comes from. It's like some parents just have kids so they can fit them into a fantasy of what they want their life to be.

Quote from: Jonathan L on July 07, 2016, 06:38:05 PM
Right? I really don't understand where that comes from. It's like some parents just have kids so they can fit them into a fantasy of what they want their life to be.

It's a narcissistic tendency. Not all people have kids for the 'right' reasons. But sometimes it's not narcissism that makes parents say these things. Sometimes they imagine lives for us and when they find out we are going to have a challenge in life they fight with denial for a while because they fear for our futures. My father isn't narcissistic but he was really freaked when he found out that I was going to be different and stayed in "bargaining" phase for a long time. Plus, he thought gender was malleable in a way it's really not. Our generation knows better; remember, experts when the Boomers were growing up sagely opined that gender was shaped by parents and society.

Google "raisedbynarcissists" and you'll find some very similar tales. It's not unique to parents/relatives of trans children. Reading through some of them may give you some ideas for how to deal with mom when she's acting like she is.