Yep. Me too. Once I came to terms with being trans dysphoria is soaring. Not with the body per say but lots of social dysphoria. What was normal, now is this sense of being isolayed from others. Plus I realised I had some body dysphoria too all the way long.

Quote from: vodwuar on July 07, 2016, 10:34:37 PM
Good Evening everyone at susans,

im terribly sorry if this topic has been covered in another post or this is being posted in the wrong section.

After years of hiding proclivities and refusing to come to terms with things like wishing i were a woman i had finally come to terms with the fact that i WANT to be a woman, and im taking steps to get the ball rolling.

My dysphoria was never really severe. But since i started this whole process my dysphoria has only gotten worse. i have no feeling of self hate or any kind of self mutilation that i know has happened in more extreme cases. but the longer i think of things like hormones or SRS or womans clothes the more i dont like my male body.

sorry that this is rather long winded but i did just want to ask:

Is it normal for dysphoria to increase when you come to terms with being transgender?

This kinda sounds like what i am going through. after coming to a conclusion about being transgender the feelings have begun to feel a lot stronger and increase.

I have had this before but real life came and took over and was able to hide it, even though when i think about it was always there.

In thinking about this more, I'm not sure if it actually got worse, or if I'm just more aware of my own discomfort (OK, self-loathing) and keep picking at it. 

I mean, it's always been there, but when I could distract myself or deny it, it was pushed back in my awareness a bit.   Still there, eroding my self-confidence and causing me to sabotage my life, but less obvious.   Now that I've confronted it and myself, I'm more self-aware, and more mindful of my mental state.  The dysphoria is part of that, and is now part of my conscious environment, not the repressed junk I more or less ignored.

Bringing it front and center seems to make the dysphoria worse, but it could just be that my awareness of it has changed.

I didn't notice any increase of dysphoria after coming to terms with the idea of being trans.

I have noticed an increase since I started coming out as Allison and taking steps towards being seen as female.  I think it has to do with the idea of living as a woman becoming real to me.  It's no longer a fantasy, it's something I plan to do by the end of the year, ready or not.

I've always found my body and my face rather repulsive, but until then I was mostly able to just not think about it and not see myself when I looked in the mirror.  Now, more and more, I'm seeing what I look like and getting grossed out by it and feeling awful about the way I look, to the point of having episodes where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  It's making it harder to go out in public.

I'm also getting more and more bothered by having to keep it a secret at work (I don't plan to tell anyone until September and don't plan to actually present at work until the end of the year.)  When I think people are seeing me as a guy, I have this overwhelming urge to say, "I'm not a guy!"

totally natural. and to be expected. I think the problem is there is no frame of reference. In many ways, I'm a different person now. I'm a trans woman. things that didn't bother me when i was trying to fit in as a fake man bother me now.  That's part of transitioning.  Yes women have issues with their bodies. Welcome to the club.

Quote from: jamie-lee on July 09, 2016, 09:51:01 AM
What was normal, now is this sense of being isolated from others.

A RL  transition support group could do wonders with that.

Some of us are a bit 'painted into a corner' regarding dealing with dysphoria and transition.

I'm sitting here typing in jeans, nice fitted shirt, hair neatly brushed.  The only reason I can be properly dressed right now is because the wife and daughter are out of the house for a few hours.  I look right.  I feel right.  The dysphoria is effectively gone.

Alas, before they come home I have to go back to cross-dressing as a male.  They know, and I'm totally out to them.  I have my own drawers and closet space.  However, I am not to be seen presenting as female by them.  They know I've gone out to appointments, dined out, and gone shopping while dressed properly.  I'd be full-time in an instant if I could, but I can't without losing my family, and that's important to me.

I'm in a transition support group, and it helps, but I'm really an outsider there, the only married person, and the only person not planning out when they can have what surgeries with which doctors.  I really don't quite fit, they know it, and it shows.

My biggest hope right now is that I can find a way past the prolactin problem, get on estrogens, and go for full male fail.  (I've got a 38A chest and 'moobs', a bit oddly shaped courtesy of finasteride and high prolactin, with high genetic hopes for some good growth.)  I strongly suspect the result should be sufficiently weird that they'll want me to do something, anything to look less bizarre.

I've only acknowledged to myself in the last few weeks that I'm trans, although looking back, the signs were there all my life since I was a small child (almost 40 now). I didn't have a name for this, though.  I was used to my body, but not happy in it... generally, I do have a good self image on the whole, but now that I've finally recognized the issue and put the pieces together this spring, it's really like a light bulb turned on. Everything makes sense. Except... now I feel so strange when I look in the mirror, and the wrong face is looking out. Or I go to the closet and I don't know what to wear. It's very overwhelming. But it makes sense to me now why I feel that way, though it's far from comfortable. I hope it gets better.

Another observation....

I spent decades denying, suppressing, or otherwise beating down the GD. It was done in many ways. We all have them. We all relied upon them and still do. It part, it is what sets us apart from "Cis" people.

When you let that Genie out of the bottle, she will not go easily back in. The "Old Tricks" well... they are Old, Tired, and.... simply will no longer work, it seems.

Chicken and Egg. Is the GD worse or is Denial Difficult?

My vote is is for Denial is worse. We recognized the problem. Want to rectify the problem. and then there are things or days that...

Hm. Now it's gone. But I worked on it a lot, and hence grew into myself over the few months. I figured out what works for me and I stick to it. Not that a lot of pain and self-doubt wasn't on the way.

I should pop in on this.  I haven't done any research on it, but yes, my dysphoria was more on the forefront since I started transition, though that may be because I notice or identify it better now.  Something that needs to be said though, euphoria is a big thing for me right now.  I love the way I feel when I do things which make me more feminine, and realising that this was an issue has given me that new outlet.  So it's probably more good than bsd for me...