Hello!
I hope I'm okay posting this here, this is my first post and I wasn't really entirely sure which topic board I should post it in.
As the title suggests I am a straight woman and have fallen in love with a MTF trans.
I met Lucy (I won't use real names) online, she told me straight away that she is currently a woman in a mans body and was very open about herself, this is what initially attracted me to her, the openness and honesty. Within a couple of hours we had exchanged several messages and I really felt like she was someone I wanted and needed in my life, we have so much in common and just instantly clicked. We exchanged numbers after a few days and I suddenly found myself nervous to actually call her, I realised that I had feelings for her even though we hadn't met and I found myself always thinking about her. Our first phone call was 5 hours long, she made me laugh, made me happy and we talked about anything and everything. She explained that she lives day to day as Toby and that she hates the way Toby looks as it's not who she wants to be. Lucy explained that she is wanting to take HRT but has to undergo 3 years of counselling first. I don't really know what my point in this post is, I guess I'm just looking for people who have been in the same situation to talk to? I am madly in love with Lucy both as Lucy and Toby as it's the personality I'm drawn to. I've never been with a woman before and have never known any transgender people so it's all very new to me and I hate to admit it but I find my feelings a little bit confusing. I've spoken with Lucy and we've both admitted we want to be with eachother and have never connected like this with anyone before and she's been amazing during all my confusion and thousands of questions. I want to be with this woman forever I'm just very confused as I've never been in this situation. We're both still young (early 20s)
I'm sorry if this post seems all over the place, has no real topic or is in the wrong place on here.

Welcome to Susan's Place. It appears you are not in the United States or several other countries as 3 years of therapy before HRT most of the time is a bit excessive. Other than that, many couples remain together and have a long happy life after the transition. It's important that you communicate with each other so both of you know what the other will and won't accept. In some relationships, surgery isn't permitted and in other even less is acceptable. Determine what you are comfortable with and make sure your needs are known.

As you wish to talk with other in your position, I am moving this thread to the Significant Other section. Other transgenders may still post to this thread but you will be freer to express your self and we will be more restricted as to how we may respond. You will also be more likely to have SOs post on the thread. Post any questions you have to this thread I and I will see them and respond if needed.

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Hello Dena, Thankyou for your welcome! Yes, I'm in the UK but I don't really know much about HRT other than what she has told me, so I might be wrong!
Ahhh okay, Thankyou for moving my post to the correct section, I did have a look but must have missed that one, sorry!

Living in the UK would explain it. You might have her come to the site and look around a bit. Some of the UK locations have extremely long wait times and others are shorter. In addition, there are ways to speed the process up if you can throw a little money at the problem. From what I saw a few days ago, the government is doing a major review of the program with an eye toward reducing the wait time but I have only seen one post on it so I don't know the details.

As for finding the correct place to put stuff, I have been a moderator for about 10 months and some post still require me to look around for the correct place to put it. Most of the time, the desire it to put it where it will get the most responses however sexuality (which you can't see yet) is a bit different story. Stuff goes there to keep it out of public view.

Hi Cambria, and welcome. Firstly it sounds like Lucy is a very lucky woman to have met you. I live in the UK too.
Re. The delay for HRT, Lucy may be referring to the time from first referral to a GIC by her GP up to having HRT in her hand, which via the NHS could be that long, though might be a bit less. As Dena said there are other legal and safe options, finances allowing, should she wish to move faster. Personally it's been almost 2 years since I first started facing my Trans monster, and it might be closer to three before I start any transition, I have used this time to address both physical issues (weight, hair loss and hair removal), and most importantly, wrapping my head around all my thoughts and feelings, in my case, with a therapist. I wish you both the best of luck together.

Your story sounds fantastic!

I also have a few admirers. Most of them are women. I am not quite sure whether I look attractive to them, but they consider me as a kind of celebrity. Some of them are eager to meet me face to face. And sometimes I did meet them. They seemed to be very happy to see me. But I already have my family.

barbie~~

You're young yet, plenty of time to figure out if you are bi/pan/etc. Many bi people don't realize they're bi until their 20s. If you couldn't stop talking to Lucy for five hours, sounds like you really connected. Transition can be a long, strange trip for partners and I wish you the best.

A friend of my family thought she was in a heterosexual marriage until R. came out. They're in their early 30s and she just didn't see that one coming but she's adjusting! As far as she's concerned, she married a person not a gender.

Dena: Yeah I have mentioned the site to her as tbh I didn't want to put anything online without her permission and she's said she's going to have a look at this site as there seems to be a lot of topics and conversations on here she might find useful! She's currently looking to go abroad and transition(is that the right word) as she wouldn't have to wait as long and it's cheaper. So that's something I've asked her to come on this site to discuss as I'd feel happier if she did it over here with all the recommended time frames and where I know she'd be safe if that makes sense? But obviously I will stand by whatever she decides to do in whatever timeframe as I hate seeing her hurt.

MeganJames2: Hello! Oh Thankyou! That's really lovely of you! I feel like the lucky one though, I can't believe I've gone this long with out her in my life, I've fallen in love before but this feels SO much more intense, I truly believe she's my soul mate(: Yeah I think that's what she said but I didn't fully understand all the wording. I hope you don't mind me asking and if you do I am really sorry! But how did you find the therapy? This is something that scares my other half as she's terrified they'll for some reason stop her from transitioning. Most her family are very supportive but there are a few that haven't been and I think this is what has scared her into thinking she won't be able to.

Barbie: Hello! Aha I kind of feel like I'm in my own Nicholas Sparks movie or something because I've never felt this way about anyone and never thought I would! Im sure they do find you attractive(:

AnxietyDisord3r: Hey!(: Yeah, I've always seen myself as a straight woman as I've never been with another woman before but I've found other women attractive and I've been brought up to see the beauty in the actual person not the gender so I've always been very open to the idea of falling in love with someone for who they are not what gender they are. Yeah we definitely connected, I find myself wanting to know every little detail about her and her about me. I am incredibly nervous about the journey, I understand it's going to be scary and stressful and confusing for her aswell as me. I just want to make sure I'm all clued up and that I can support her as much as she needs me to. I feel genuinely honoured though that she wants me to be a part of this journey(: How did your friend of the family adjust? Was there anything she found particularly difficult?

Just wanted to say Thankyou for the replies from everyone!

Cambria, happy to answer your question. My therapist was my first stop in coming out to anyone, having been totally closeted until my mid thirties. Therapy on the NHS is quite limited I was fortunate to find someone near to me, who had experience working with other Trans people. I have been seeing her privately (initially weekly now fortnightly) for heading on two years. I had alot of personal and family baggage to work through! I'd also recommend finding a support group, socialising with others who have or are going through a similar journey can be supportive in itself. The therapist is there to help your partner answer their own questions on what she wants or needs. Unlike other countries, they are not gatekeepers, and are totally optional but many recommend them. HRT and any Transition is purely covered by either the NHS GIC or a private service. Re. Family, this is difficult, my own mother has totally cut off contact, but other family and friends have been supportive. I want my family to be happy, but I can't and won't sacrifice mine for that.

I read your post and all I can say is that is what happened with me and my wife I'm not bi or anything but we make each other happy and in this life thats  hard to do we have been together for a year this coming Saturday and I wouldn't change anything. So along as your both happy it is all your need

Quote from: Cambria2113 on July 11, 2016, 04:02:24 AM
Dena: Yeah I have mentioned the site to her as tbh I didn't want to put anything online without her permission and she's said she's going to have a look at this site as there seems to be a lot of topics and conversations on here she might find useful! She's currently looking to go abroad and transition(is that the right word) as she wouldn't have to wait as long and it's cheaper. So that's something I've asked her to come on this site to discuss as I'd feel happier if she did it over here with all the recommended time frames and where I know she'd be safe if that makes sense? But obviously I will stand by whatever she decides to do in whatever timeframe as I hate seeing her hurt.

The UK system has some serious problem and it should be possible to transition in 2 years at a moderate pace. The transition should include some therapy, HRT and a period of cross living in order to help avoid making a mistake. If she means just leaving the country and having surgery and getting it all done at once, that can be a disaster. Not because she isn't transgender but because just having all the surgery doesn't deal with all the emotional trauma we accumulate over the years. We also need to become comfortable in our new role and introduce ourself to the SOs in our life and build the new life we will be living in.

thank you for sharing your story.  that part alone can be mind boggling. 
I dont claim to understand any of what im going through either haha.  I'm a guy and I've absolutely fallen head over heels for a Woman who is at almost the opposite end of her transition as your situation.  Ive only known her at this point so i never went through the struggle with her.  Though considering how i feel about her, I totally would have. 
The last week on her has been a roller coaster, so many downs and one huge up with happy times here and there.  SHe was assaulted in public, I was not there(and I wish i could have been!) she came home crying and hurt and angry as hell.  I gave her a hug and just listened.  For days afterwards she was nervous about being in public, rightly so.  I do my best to make her feel safe and protected. 
  I guess the long and short of it is be there for your partner, make them feel safe and loved.  Strap in and hold on.  There will be ups and downs, as there would be in any relationship.  If you love your partner, and want to be with them forever then stay by them, support them and walk through the fire with them so you can pull them out if need be. I'm no expert, I am merely following my heart.