Hello all, told about this forum by a friend on Facebook, and hoping I can find some answers or at least a bit of help. 51yo, live in Leicestershire, UK, believed I was trans from a very early age but events over the last 18 months or so have left me uncertain, I'd like to find some inner peace, I don't know whether I will ever transition but if I can come to terms with who I really am, that's as much as I can wish for.

Thanks for listening.

Many of us have had some uncertainty or another due to the "standard trans narrative" that makes its way around the internet.  Then we tell our stories here and soon find that the standard narrative is largely a myth.  Tell your story and I'm sure you will find many with a similar one.  Or maybe you might find that it's all something else.  Either way it will help get you closer to peace.  And welcome to the forum.


Sapere Aude

Welcome to Susan's Place. Your friend may have already suggested a gender therapist and that will help you get a better understanding of yourself. As you appear to be rather new at this, I am going to give you a couple of links to look at that may help. The first is our WIKI and it may help you place a name on what you feel. The second is "the transition channel" which a gender therapist will take you into the transsexual side of the picture. Should you have questions, post them on this thread and we will do our best to answer them.

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Hi Bob 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome from a Blackpool girl

Thank you all for your replies. A bit more detail; I must have been about 4 when I crept into my bedroom and tried on, first my sister's brown velvet hot pants (well, it was the late 60s...!) then one of her dresses-my mother caught me and knocked hell out of me. Tried so hard to live up to my parents' expectations but never quite managed, come puberty my boy bits didn't grow, instead I sprouted boobs. Bullied mercilessly by boys and girls alike throughout school. Married pretty much the first woman who showed any interest in me, after finding out that not only was she having affairs but my own sister knew, left her and remarried. Suppose throughout all this I was still trying to play the part of the man. But it never got easier, and a few years ago I started looking into this thing called gender. Joined various online fora, saw a counsellor for 8 months, all that happened was I grew so confused I threw out all my "female" stuff and deleted my online presence. Started creeping back because I just want to get my mind in a better place.

Welcome.

Quote from: Bob Wascathy on July 12, 2016, 03:23:05 AM
Thank you all for your replies. A bit more detail; I must have been about 4 when I crept into my bedroom and tried on, first my sister's brown velvet hot pants (well, it was the late 60s...!) then one of her dresses-my mother caught me and knocked hell out of me. Tried so hard to live up to my parents' expectations but never quite managed, come puberty my boy bits didn't grow, instead I sprouted boobs. Bullied mercilessly by boys and girls alike throughout school. Married pretty much the first woman who showed any interest in me, after finding out that not only was she having affairs but my own sister knew, left her and remarried. Suppose throughout all this I was still trying to play the part of the man. But it never got easier, and a few years ago I started looking into this thing called gender. Joined various online fora, saw a counsellor for 8 months, all that happened was I grew so confused I threw out all my "female" stuff and deleted my online presence. Started creeping back because I just want to get my mind in a better place.

You should have a full medical workup including sex hormone levels and genetic examination for intersex. Your development wasn't normal male and combined with your transgender feelings makes it highly likely that you might have one of a number of conditions. Only a doctor running the proper test will know for sure.

I have looked into Klinefelter's syndrome, wondered if I may have that as I apparently exhibit a number of the indicators... Just not the easiest thing to walk into the doctor's surgery and talk about. I'd like to know but afraid to find out, if that makes sense.

A hearty welcome to Susan's, Bob.

Quote from: Bob Wascathy on July 13, 2016, 03:16:07 AM
I have looked into Klinefelter's syndrome, wondered if I may have that as I apparently exhibit a number of the indicators... Just not the easiest thing to walk into the doctor's surgery and talk about. I'd like to know but afraid to find out, if that makes sense.

That's fear talking, the same thing that suppressed your self discovery for years. I had fear as well and that was one of the first tests that was run on me. Unfortunately some of the test didn't exist at the time and the results were not provided to me but what I am no longer matters. In your case the test are better and at some point you will need to discuss this with a doctor. The safest approach for you would be to seek out a gender therapist and ask for a doctor who can run the test. The doctor you would be referred to won't judge you and has run these tests many times before.

Unfortunately I'll need to get my doctor to refer me to a gender therapist. I certainly don't have the spare cash to go private. Also complicating matters, I'm married and although my wife knows of my feelings, it has been made clear that they are Not To Be Spoken About, it's not a nice situation to be in, I know she isn't supportive and so I'm stuck in this rut. The only suggestion anyone can come up with is "leave", but I have a 10yo daughter who is the only reason I keep going, and if I lost her, I would literally have nothing. I have no "real life" friends, no social life, I know I'm stupid for putting up with it (been told enough times) but I just have to keep going-I've always been the "cool" one, the one who has to be strong for everyone else, but I have nobody to lean on myself. The few friends I did have couldn't cope with my depression and introspection.