Yesterday at work, luckily after I was done seeing patients, I had an awful panic attack. Now that I have a way forward and a date set for VFS I think the enormity of everything hit me. I had a "what the hell are you doing??" moment that just had me shaking and panicked in a way I haven't been in a long time. Just thinking of everything to come from surgeries to paperwork, going FT, negative reactions, hit me like a hammer. Anyone else have this kind of experience once things started settling in place?

At this point, I've only come out to my wife and best friend.  Last month I had a panic attack.  Nearly the entire month.  I'm very sorry for the hard time you're having.  Just remember that you have a supportive community here.  We all care about you.  And congrats on the progress you're making, I hope things go incredibly well for you and that you feel calmer and happier soon.

Quote from: Amanda_Combs on July 13, 2016, 01:36:58 PM
At this point, I've only come out to my wife and best friend.  Last month I had a panic attack.  Nearly the entire month.  I'm very sorry for the hard time you're having.  Just remember that you have a supportive community here.  We all care about you.  And congrats on the progress you're making, I hope things go incredibly well for you and that you feel calmer and happier soon.

Thank you. I'm feeling much better today after an anti-anxiety med and some rest.

Hugs

Hi Hon,

Yes I do remember the panic attacks. They seemed so silly as at that time I had made my mind up, was moving forward and then .............. all of these OMG you can't do this!! moments.

I tried to keep focused and tell myself it is the silly little subconscious that hides in the brain stem and never wants anything to change because it fears change no matter what.

Just breathe, take one step at a time and look forward to your wonderful future when you will sit in your igloo and be the wonderful woman you are

Love
Cindy

I can't say that I have ever had a panic attack but I have felt like I was standing in front of a firing squad waiting for the bullets to hit me. Before every surgery, walking out the door as Dena, applying for my first job as Dena, that flight or fight combined with a supper charge of adrenaline. The only thing that gets rid of the feeling is to keep doing what needs to be done and realize that nothing bad happens. It gets better with time as you see your dreams come true.

Quote from: Cindy on July 13, 2016, 04:04:38 PM
Hi Hon,

Yes I do remember the panic attacks. They seemed so silly as at that time I had made my mind up, was moving forward and then .............. all of these OMG you can't do this!! moments.

I tried to keep focused and tell myself it is the silly little subconscious that hides in the brain stem and never wants anything to change because it fears change no matter what.

Just breathe, take one step at a time and look forward to your wonderful future when you will sit in your igloo and be the wonderful woman you are

Love
Cindy

Hugs

I know it's the lizard brain and fear of change but that was a nasty attack. My determination and will remain fixed on my goals but I'm sure there will be more days like that to come before all is said and done.

I wish I was in an igloo, it's going to be 23-27 all week! That's too bloody hot!

yeah, i was getting my blood taken for maybe going on T and i freaked out and couldn't stay still long enough to let them take the blood. i've been getting a lot of guilt and emotional blackmail from my family and i really wished i was there with someone who wanted me to be happy lol

I haven't had a full fledged panic attack but my next endo appointment is 17 days after I start full time and when I think about it, my heart rate definitely goes up.  Now this wouldn't be that bad if it was a waiting room with a few people.  However my endo is in the Emory Clinic at Emory University Hospital and there are two or three doctor's offices using this waiting room so we're talking about 50 or more people the last time I was there.  And then I'll have to go down to the lab and have blood drawn, again probably 20 people waiting.  Prior to 2005 it wouldn't have bothered me because I would go out quite often but after almost ten years of being mom's caregiver and not going out anywhere, I'm quite worried.  Especially with the current climate regarding trans people here in the south.